#5 Blow Job Nun
“Sweet baby jesus, Hank is going to hell”
Californication’s Pilot episode opens with a controversial bang and sets the tone for the rest of the series. Hank Moody throws his cigarette into the church’s holy water and is about to have a conversation with the Lord when he’s suddenly interrupted by a nun. He mentions to her that he’s unable to write his latest novel and needs an intervention. She suggests that a couple of “our Fathers, a couple hail-marys wont get it done – but how about a blow job” “it’s not going to suck itself Hank”. All turns out to be one awesome dream, he’s awoken to his latest shag giving him a blow job. Pretty much the greatest intervention I’ve ever seen.
#4 Porsche Sales Professional
“What do I have to do to get you into this car?”
Hank receives a fat check for blogging for Hell-A, of which he takes advantage to purchase a new Porsche for himself. The Porsche sales lady takes him for a test ride if you know what I mean, nudge, nudge, wink wink. Say no more, say no more. OK she had sex with him, in an alley. At this point he’s officially my hero.
#3 Laura – Boxing Instructor
“She’s gonna blow!”
Hank’s sleep is interrupted by Charlie telling him that they need to have a threesome. After some arguing Hank somehow agrees, and the three Charlie, Hank and their Hot Boxing Instructor one messed up threesome. Only to be interupted by Karen and Charlie’s wife mid orgasm. Creepy as hell, and quite possibly the funniest scene in the series, but just doesn’t beat out #1 & #2 in terms of entertainement value.
Hank picks up a young woman in a book store. He takes her home and while they are having sex she gives him a couple of mighty punches, well as mighty as you can expect from a young lady. Later on she turns out to be 16. In real life Madeline Zima was 21 at that stage, so we’re all for it. Awesome sex scene #2.
Sonya, the woman Hank is being set up with at a BBQ, keeps asking appropriate questions at the dinner table, like how Hank and Karen met, and to break the tension she and Hank go off and get way stoned. Then have sex in Karen’s bed. And then get caught in the act by the dinner guests and both end throwing up, Hank on Bill’s new expensive painting. Awesome.