G.I. Joe
Back In My Day: G.I. Joe cartoons were essentially one giant commercial for mobile command fortresses that turned into boats that turned into wallets and other ridiculous things. They were effective commercials too, eschewing all traces of a plot and piling in as many action scenes involving the toy of the week as possible.
The Present Situation: Well, the whole plot thing hasn’t improved much with time. The cast was made smaller for the movie to cut down on racist portrayals of minorities and then the Joes were turned into Iron Man. On the plus side, after years of training Cobra henchmen are now able to hit the broad side of a barn when they shoot. I don’t know what other redeeming qualities there are now that I’m too old to go to the toy store to pick up a Wallace “Ripcord” Weems in Delta-6 Accelerator Suit action figure.
X-Men
Back In My Day: X-Men was a series that started out very strong. Mutants beating each other up was the epitome of entertainment. Then all sorts of dystopian futures and alternate timelines were introduced and my interest in the series started to wane. Those early episodes were awesome though.
The Present Situation: Much like the cartoon, the X-Men movies started off strong. The quality of the movies have gone downhill since then, with the spin-off Wolverine movie being quite disappointing. We can only hope that the X-Men: First Class prequel being planned will rekindle our nostalgia for mutants everywhere.
Back In My Day: The heroes in a half shell introduced me to my love of pizza. They also introduced me to my brief love of homemade nunchaku before I smacked myself in the shins. It was my dream to be a ninja amphibian who hung out with news reporters in sewers eating pizza. They were truly one of the most lighthearted groups of radical adventurers to ever grace the screen.
The Present Situation: TMNT brought the turtles back together but decided the lighthearted nature of the cartoon was too childish. Instead there was the tale of a family drifted apart and Raphael being a jerk. Luckily the movie preserved my childhood memories by keeping pizza references and having the turtles stay radical. Cowabunga!
Transformers
Back In My Day: As a kid with a short attention span I couldn’t get enough of my Transformers cartoons. I loved to see block shaped cars turn into block shaped robots with block shaped guns. Whether it was watching Starscream ineptly try and overthrow Megatron for power every other episode or seeing Optimus Prime beating up other robots I always entertained. Then they introduced the Dinobots and Grimlock. It doesn’t get any better.
The Present Situation: The Transformers have really gotten streamlined since Michael Bay took over the franchise, but not much else has changed. The robots are looking a lot less boxy, the names of the human characters are slightly less ridiculous and there are more explosions then I remember, but those are the only real differences. Starscream is still a little weasel, Optimus Prime is still the man, and the jokes are still juvenile. I hope Grimlock gets introduced in future installments, but for now I’ll settle for Megan Fox.
Batman
Back In My Day: Batman was a grim avenger of the night, swooping from the shadows to stop evildoers. The Batman cartoon was quite possibly the highlight of my childhood, and that was before I found out Luke Skywalker was the voice of Joker.
The Present Situation: Batman has grown up with me. Like a fine wine he has gotten better with age. Excellent performances by Christian Bale and Heath Ledger have made sure this is one childhood memory that won’t get tarnished.
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