Humor District

Admit it, we’ve all been there. Younger versions of ourselves would be intrigued be the female characters on our Saturday morning cartoons. We didn’t completely understand it, but we would have conversations with our friends about how if the Baroness from G.I. Joe was real we would totally…well, we didn’t know yet. We would do whatever it is prepubescent boys do with girls, which is probably throw mud at them and run away giggling so they know how much we liked them. Yes, these 7 cartoon ladies led us towards manhood when our parents felt too awkward to tell us what we should actually expect from women.

1. Teela – He-Man and the Masters of the Universe

Teela was the headstrong redhead from He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, and her outfit was as minimal as He-Man’s. We just didn’t feel as awkward when we noticed that she was showing a lot of skin. She gave us the impression that girls could actually be fun, and since I am talking about our childhood selves I mean because of her adventuring ways, not her outfit. She was always the one leading the charge against Skeletor and his goons, and that’s the kind of fearlessness boys admire. Of course she would always get into trouble and need He-Man and his exposed nipples to save her, allowing the boys to feel superior. Also, she never could figure out that He-Man was Prince Adam wearing underwear and suspenders. We were way smarter than her.

2. April – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

April O’Neill was a news reporter by day, friend of four mutated crime stopping turtles by night. What was it that drew our younger selves towards her? I believe it was her shared taste for pizza and the fact that she had absolutely no problem hanging out with four man-sized talking turtles. If she could get through that to sit down to dinner with them then there was no way she would care about our oversized ears everybody else made fun of. She also hung out in the sewer with them, which would make our rooms seem immaculate by comparison. Tell me why I should pick up my socks now, mom! Plus we all thought we were totally radical, just like the teenage mutant ninja turtles.

3. Wonder Woman – Super Friends

Wonder Woman wore a pretty revealing outfit, always had on stripper boots and owned an invisible jet. I suppose our younger selves liked the first two things, but even then we knew that the idea of the invisible jet was pretty stupid. The motivation for our crush on Wonder Woman goes beyond all of this and can be summed up in one sentence: Wonder Woman hung out with Batman. If we could get close to Wonder Woman, she would introduce us to Batman, he’d think we were awesome and invite us to join the Super Friends and drive Wonder Woman around in his Batmobile occasionally. Of course he’d have to kick out the Wonder Twins, but that’s not much of a downside.

4. Daphne – Scooby Doo

Apparently our younger selves had something for the redheads. Daphne was essentially the cartoon version of the popular girl we always had a crush on. She was the good looking one who was not too bright and always enjoyed wearing  short dresses. We all knew the only reason she was with the gang solving mysteries was because of that douche nozzle Fred. Perhaps that is what led many young men of our generation to trade in ascots for blowouts, seeking their own Daphnes. While we knew she was out of our league, we still harbored that crush. What 10 year old wouldn’t want to hang out with  girl who had a talking dog?

5. Velma – Scooby-Doo

While Daphne was put upon the pedestal, Velma became our view of the realistically attainable girl. She had all the noticeable lady parts that Daphne had, she just did not flaunt them. She had glasses, she was smart, and she was often overlooked. We still noticed her though. We knew we were smarter than Fred, and thus we would have to be paired up with the smarter girl. Through process of elimination, that left Velma. While our crushes on her weren’t as much as for Daphne, Velma still had a talking dog. Scooby-Doo was a win/win situation for us. We also knew Shaggy was no competition whatsoever.

6. Cheetara – Thundercats

Whenever we hear “Thundercats HOOOO!” we all think of Cheetara. There was kind of a Smurfette situation going on with Cheetara, as she was the only female member of the Thundercats. Well at least the only one we noticed. I could get into stuff about how she fought with a staff that extends in her hands, but I doubt any of us really noticed that joke until we stopped telling people we were still watching Thundercats. Cheetara just grabbed our attention by being the only girl on the team, and one who really just looked like a chick who was into hair metal rather than a cat hybrid.

Popularity: 10% [?]

Disney has decided live action remakes are the way to go, and could possibly be bringing in Tim Burton again. Disney is currently working on a live action version of Sleeping Beauty entitled Maleficent. This movie would presumably focus more on the witch Maleficent, and could be darker than the original cartoon version. That would not be surprising at all if Tim Burton actually is involved in this movie, and this could turn out to be a pretty scary movie considering Maleficent is one of the 7 most terrifying Disney villains.

If we are to assume Maleficent will play a major role in the movie named after her, and I would be willing to take that bet, than choosing an actress for her will be an important step. Right now Angelina Jolie is rumored to be interested in the titular role, which could be an interesting casting choice. Jolie has proven herself to be an A-list actress and has had some experience with witches after playing Grendel’s mother, the sea hag, in Beowolf. Of course Beowolf was an animated movie and did not receive very good reviews, but nonetheless, Angelina Jolie could step into the role of Maleficent quite capably. If Tim Burton is actually involved with Maleficent, that might change things. I can see Angelina Jolie playing an evil witch, but I can’t really see her playing one of Tim Burton’s evil witches. Burton has a unique style about his movies, and I don’t see Angelina Jolie fitting that style very well. Maybe we will see Helena Bonham Carter again if Tim Burton takes over. Of course these are all rumors for the moment, but it will be interesting to see where Disney takes this movie and what other live action remakes we will see in the future.

[via LATimes]

Popularity: 1% [?]

We took 64 of the meanest and nastiest movie villains ever created and brought them together for a no holds-barred tournament, to find out who is the evilest villain of all times.  For rules and details about the selection process click here.

ROUND 1: Northeast Region

ROUND 1: Northwest Region

ROUND 1: Southeast Region

ROUND 1: Southwest Region

ROUND 2: East Region

ROUND 2: West Region

SWEET 16: East Region

SWEET 16: West Region

ELITE 8

FINAL FOUR: East Region

FINAL FOUR: West Region

Click image to see an enlarged bracket.

It’s the ultimate showdown between two guys you’d never want to see in a dark alley.  The Joker climbed his way through some pretty stiff competition in Chucky and Freddy Krueger, two men who could’ve easily won any other bracket.  Meanwhile the Terminator buzz-sawed his way through much weaker Cinderella’s in Gordon Gekko and the Creeper, but none of that matters now.  It’s one on one.  Let’s get it on!

VS.

(1) Joker – The Dark Knight

(2) Terminator – Terminator

Battle: This is definitely an odd couple matchup.  We’re comparing Apples to Oranges, and that’s what so cool.  The Joker is evil for evil’s sake while the Terminator is evil with a purpose.  The Joker seems to take the time to scheme and plan while the terminator is literally a killing machine.

Neither of them has a soul.

The Terminators use our own technology against us and hunt down human beings much like how exterminators spray coach roaches.  Only imagine the exterminator tearing down the walls to gas their nests and staying up all night to guarding their traps.  That’s what the Terminators do to the human race.

The Joker could blow up a school bus full of children just as easily as he could shoot a full grown man.  Nobody is innocent or immune to his wrath.  He wakes up every morning thinking about how to rain chaos on the city of Gotham and then goes to sleep at night without losing a wink of sleep.  The caveat though is this: the Terminator does all that, only he doesn’t need to sleep.

Click image to see an enlarged bracket.

The Most Evil Movie Villain of All Times:

(2) Terminator – The Terminator

If I were walking down the street, this is the guy I would hate to see ahead of me.  You may be smarter than Leatherface, stronger than Catherine Tramell and quicker than Jason Voorhees, but you just know that if you see the Terminator coming your way, you’re about as good as dead.  There is no begging, no bargaining, no fighting and no running.  If the Terminator wants you dead and you have anything short of a bazooka, you’re dead.  And truth be told, that will only delay the inevitable.

The Terminators only mission is to destroy life.  Period.  He doesn’t need humans to amuse him.  He doesn’t even need the earth to sustain him.  He doesn’t want revenge, he doesn’t want to feel better, he doesn’t want to be soothed.  He has no other motive than destruction.  That’s pure evil.  That’s the most evil movie villain ever imagined.

Beaze and all his crazy antics, featured articles and random thoughts are now on twitter @Beazewriter

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Disney has made some great movies over the years, and most of them have been geared towards a younger audience. That’s why it is kind of surprising to look back on some of these movies and see how messed up some of the villains actually were. It is a wonder that children don’t soil their pants in fear every time they watch these movies. Disney has some straight up evil characters, and these are the 7 most terrifying of them.

Scar was one bad lion. We won’t get into how he is the only black lion, we can leave it at the Disney has a proud tradition of a little racism, and his color isn’t what made him scary. It is the fact that he killed his own brother in cold blood, and then told his nephew, Simba, that it was his fault that his father died. He assumed Simba would die when the guilt caused him to run off alone. That’s some pretty messed up behavior right there. The only thing is Scar probably would have been scarier if he had normal lion behavior. He still would have killed his brother, he would have killed Simba, and to add insult to injury he would have banged Simba’s mom and Nala since he led the pride. Now that’s terrifying.

This was a guy who used religion to mask his bigotry. He hated gypsies more than a fat kids hate strenuous activities. In fact, the movie starts out with him killing a gypsy by pushing her down some stairs. Not only was the gypsy trying to reach sanctuary inside the Notre Dame Cathedral, but she was carrying a baby. Frollo’s immediate reaction was not to save the baby, but to drown it. Luckily he was stopped by the Archdeacon who tells him to raise the baby or go to hell. Put like that, it was an easy choice for Frollo. That baby grew up to be the Hunchback of Notre Dame, Quasimodo. Frollo spent his time keeping Quasimodo locked in the Notre Dame Cathedral his entire life. Things begin got even worse when Frollo developed a rage boner for the sexy gypsy Esmeralda. Things went downhill from there, and he ended up trying to kill Quasimodo, and telling him to his face that he killed his mother and should have killed him. I think it is a safe bet Frollo didn’t make it up to heaven when he died.

Cruella de Vil is one of the most iconic Disney villains in history. Her exaggerated mannerisms are memorable, and she tried to kill a whole bunch of puppies to make herself a fur coat. Yeah, people really remember attempted puppy murderers. What makes Cruella so terrifying is the fact that she WANTS TO KILL PUPPIES. Seriously, who doesn’t love puppies? They are little furry balls of pure adorable. What kind of life has Cruella led to become desensitized to their wide pleading eyes? Just thinking about what is going on in her warped mind sends shivers down the spine. I blame her parents. Seriously, who names their kid Cruella? That’s just asking for trouble down the line.

Maleficent started off Sleeping Beauty with the ultimate buzzkill. While everyone is celebrating the birth of Princess Aurora and giving her presents such as beauty and song, Maleficent shows up and bestows the baby with the gift of dying before her 16th birthday. Even one of those singing fish wall plaques would have been a better gift than that. Luckily the last fairy makes it so Princess Aurora just goes into a coma. Maleficent doesn’t enjoy the fact that her gift was not appreciated, so she turns herself into a monstrous dragon to try and stop the prince who plans on saving Princess Aurora. She is a terrifying dragon. There is no other way to put it. Giant black dragons breathing green flames just give me the willies. While other Disney villains at least cracked occasional jokes or had bumbling henchmen, Maleficent was just about getting the job done. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s cold, business-like demeanor in Terminator was based off of Maleficent.

The Horned King was not a character to be trifled with. The Black Cauldron was a movie with knights and such, so you would expect the Horned King to be some large warrior or something along those lines. It was quite a shocker then when he appeared to be some sort of zombie sorcerer. He wasn’t just trying to take over the lands, but to raise an entire army of undead monstrosities. This was basically a medieval version of 28 Days Later with some magic added in for good measure. The Horned King damn near reached his goal too. He had all the tools he needed to raise the army of zombies, he just ended up being consumed and destroyed by the power. It’s hard not to be terrified of a villain who was killed off by a lucky break.

Shan Yu is bad ass enough to make Genghis Khan look like an equally bad ass Hun ruler. Shan Yu was a beast, he survived an avalanche that took out most of his men and merely shook it off. That’s right, being caught in an avalanche was only a minor setback for this man. He also managed to deduce the location of the Chinese army and ambush them all because of clues given off by a single doll. That meant he had superhuman senses and was also a master tactician. He could also cut trees in half with his sword. Perhaps most terrifying of all was his pet falcon, who could fly around and locate enemies and deliver scouting reports. This basically adds up to an unstoppable man who could find you no matter where you hid and would never stop hunting you down. Basically Shan You can be summed up by his interaction with 2 of his Chinese prisoners. He tells them to go back and warn China that the Huns were coming. As the prisoners run off, Shan Yu asks one his soldiers how many prisoners it takes to deliver a message. The answer is of course one, so one of the prisoners is shot down while they run away. Ruthless is the only description for that scene.

Ursula was a magical fat octopus lady. If you aren’t terrified already then there is something wrong with you. Maybe she was scary because of her creepy ass eel henchmen. They were not nearly as adorable as Ariel’s aquatic friends. Maybe it was her scratchy voice that made her terrifying to small children. Maybe it is because everything bigger than a minnow in the ocean is automatically one of the scariest things ever. Oh wait, no, it wasn’t any of those things. While they did add in to the creepiness factor of Ursula, it was the end of the movie that solidified her into the most terrifying Disney villain ever. She grows to monstrous proportions and basically becomes half Rosie O’Donnell and half kraken with a smoking problem. She literally begins to tear boats apart with her tentacles, and the crashing waves and stormy skies just make her seem even more terrifying. Just imagine being hopped up on children’s Tylenol and watching this. Ursula even has one of the most violent deaths of all the Disney Villains. It took her being impaled on a ship’s mast for that leviathon to return under the sea.

Popularity: 7% [?]

We took 64 of the meanest and nastiest movie villains ever created and brought them together for a no holds-barred tournament, to find out who is the evilest villain of all times.  For rules and details about the selection process click here.

ROUND 1: Northeast Region

ROUND 1: Northwest Region

ROUND 1: Southeast Region

ROUND 1: Southwest Region

ROUND 2: East Region

ROUND 2: West Region

SWEET 16: East Region

SWEET 16: West Region

ELITE 8

FINAL FOUR: East Region

Click image to see an enlarge bracket.

The Terminator is laying is wait, red-eyes-a-glowing to see who he will face in the championship.  Let’s not keep that evil bucket of bolts waiting.

VS.

(1) Joker – The Dark Knight

(1) Freddy Krueger – A Nightmare on Elm Street.

Battle: Who didn’t know it was going to come down to the battle of these two juggernauts?  Exactly.  The evil tale of the tape speaks for itself.  As far as Joker goes, Alfred said it best:

“Some men aren’t looking for anything logical, like money. They can’t be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.”

And then there’s Freddy Krueger…a man (or dream demon) who just wanted to watch children burn.  Neither of them was looking for anything logical.  Just good sport.  Murder was a game to them.  I’m not really going to be able to find any distinguishable faults with either ones evil tendencies, so it’s going to come down to who did evil the best.  Freddy came up with some pretty elaborate ways to kill his victims, most notably, the time he scrapped his nails on a chalkboard until the child’s head exploded.

The Joker, however, organized a bank heist just so he could convince each of the bandits to kill each other (including sending one after himself) just so he could prove to the mob he was meaner than they are.

Okay, we could go back and forth for days, so let’s just cut the tendon on Freddy Krueger’s Achilles heel: if you’re not afraid of Freddy, he can’t really hurt you.  In fact, that was the whole premise of Freddy vs. Jason and many other Nightmare on Elm Street movies.  I don’t care how much you may think clowns are weak and funny…the Joker will still kill you the same.

Winner: The Joker

Click image to see an enlarged bracket.

Next up, the grand finale.  We will find out exactly who is, the most evil movie villain of all times.

Beaze and all his crazy antics, featured articles and random thoughts are now on twitter @Beazewriter

Popularity: 3% [?]

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has gone from football player, to professional wrestler, to action movie star, to Disney poster boy. This is quite a transformation, from one of the manliest men to walk this earth to the star of children’s movies. It is time for us to look over a timeline of Dwayne Johnson’s movies and see where things went wrong.

Dwayne Johnson was still going by “The Rock” back when The Scorpion King came out. It was here where he established himself as the perfect lead in poorly written action movies. Studios were given an easy recipe for success: “The Rock” – Shirt + Ass Kicking + Scantily Clad Female Co-Star = Success.

In The Rundown some actual comedic relief was brought to the movie in the form of Sean William Scott. His playful jackassery played off well with Dwayne Johnson’s serious demeanor. Rosario Dawson made for some good eye candy and Christopher Walken was creepy as hell. With all these elements combined, The Rundown was an entertaining action movie.

In Walking Tall, Sean William Scott’s jackassery was replaced by the original Jackass, Johnny Knoxville. The comic relief was once again entertaining, and Dwayne Johnson smashed the hell out of everything with a hunk of wood. This was the peak of Dwayne Johnson’s action movie career. Things began to go downhill after this.

Dwayne Johnson played Elliot Wilhelm in Be Cool, and while he wasn’t a main character he was definitely an entertaining one. There is just something supremely entertaining about watching a man who could rip you in half with his bare hands prance around as a very flamboyant homosexual. That and the fact that Johnson stilled kicked some ass in this movie made this one of his most entertaing roles.

Doom was definitely a step in the wrong direction, and Dwayne Johnson has admitted it. Doom was entertaining when you were a little drunk or something, but most people could not stand this movie. Even with Johnson putting on a good performance as far as ass kicking goes, and even being the villain for once, this movie could not be saved. Perhaps that is why he moved away from action movies into the realm of family friendly Disney movies.

Gridiron Gang was the first time in a long time where Dwayne Johnson was not actively beating people to death. Instead he was mentoring young men to succeed in football and in life. A very touching notion, and the movie itself was pretty good. It makes sense that with his football and wrestling background that Dwayne Johnson would make at least a few sports movies.

This is not what I was talking about when I said it was logical for Dwayne Johnson to make sports movies. This is not a real sports movie. This is a touchy-feely-family-is-the-only-thing-that-is-important-movie. I can appreciate the message, but I would prefer it to be delivered with Dwayne Johnson cracking more skulls. Watching his less than adequate parenting skills is not entertainment. I mean seriously, somebody would have taken that kid away from him after the first week.

And again we see Dwayne Johnson play second fiddle to some kids. These kids have magical powers or something. Dwayne Johnson has gigantic biceps. He shouldn’t be running around with these kids, he should be finding the bad guys and punching them in the face. What happened to the days when he would pull out the People’s Elbow to destroy his enemies? It didn’t seem like he could get any lower than this.

I will admit I haven’t seen this movie. I probably won’t either. The poster has Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson with little Tooth Fairy wings. This isn’t even an entertaining Elliot Wilhelm fairy either. The only way I can see this movie being saved is if Dwayne Johnson grows pterodactyl wings and rips the teeth straight out from people’s skulls. Those are the kinds of movies Dwayne Johnson was made for, manly movies. We can only hope he returns to them soon.

Popularity: 1% [?]

We took 64 of the meanest and nastiest movie villains ever created and brought them together for a no holds-barred tournament, to find out who is the evilest villain of all times.  For rules and details about the selection process click here.

ROUND 1: Northeast Region

ROUND 1: Northwest Region

ROUND 1: Southeast Region

ROUND 1: Southwest Region

ROUND 2: East Region

ROUND 2: West Region

SWEET 16: East Region

SWEET 16: West Region

ELITE 8

Click Image to see an enlarged bracket.

Enough talking, evil is always talking.  Well this is the final four.  These evil guys know when to show and prove.

VS.

(2) Terminator – Terminator

(3) Damien thorn – The Omen

Battle: Damien has always been the golden child of this competition because of his lineage, but in the final four it’s going to take a lot more than daddy’s help to propel him to the championship round.  Yes Damien tried to destroy the world, but he really only did it for daddy.  Because it was his destiny.  Not because he really, really wanted to.  He also spent a lot of time pretending to be one of the good guys.

The Terminator on the only hand did not need to pretend.  Sure he tried to blend in to protect himself, but he never had to manipulate anyone by being nice to them.  He never missed the chance to kill someone and extinguish the human race.

Really what it comes down to is that Damien was still human.  He still felt something for someone.  And it was those feelings that led to his downfall.  True evil feels no compassion and no connection to anything.

Winner: Terminator

Click image to see an enlarged bracket.

NEXT UP, TERMINATOR’S OPPONENT!—->

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According to The Hollywood Reporter, Marvel has made an offer to Chris Evans to play Captain America. Evans has some experience with Marvel, playing Johnny Storm in the Fantastic Four movies. He was also in the superhero type movie Push and will be in comic book movies Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World and The Losers. That sounds like a pretty good comic book movie resume, even if the Fantastic Four movies weren’t very good. Chris Evans definitely looks the part, and let’s face it, anyone who isn’t Channing Tatum playing Captain America is good news. Marvel has yet to confirm this report, but Chris Evans does seem like a good choice.

Popularity: 1% [?]

It has long been thought that cartoons are for kids. In recent years, there have been a plethora of programs that have proven that antiquated notion false. These are cartoons that have dirty jokes, harsh language, and what programmers like to refer to as adult situations. That means sex. These are 7 animated shows that push the limits of what cartoons are supposed to be, but most importantly, they are funny as hell.

Archer is the latest cartoon to be made that is definitely not fit for Saturday mornings. Sterling Archer is the titular character, a dimwit James Bond type spy who uses his sex appeal to sort of solve cases. I say sort of because his agency is so dysfunctional that they are usually too busy fighting or screwing each other to get any real work done. The first season has been a strong one for Archer, so expect to see this FX original series get more publicity next year.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force is the ultimate irreverent comedy. The 15 minute episodes revolve around a talking milkshake, meatball, and container of fries having misadventures involving the Mooninites, aliens that resemble the old Space Invaders video game, and annoying their next door neighbor Carl. There is no rhyme or reason to their adventures, but for some reason it is impossible to stop watching.

South Park was one of the first well known cartoons that was aimed at an adult audience. Hidden behind multiple fart jokes and other juvenile humor is some real social commentary. That is not what makes South Park a cartoon for adults, although it does help. South Park was quite possibly the first cartoon to imply that a main character’s mother was a crack whore, had a womanizing cafeteria chef, and say the word shit 162 times in a single episode. That is pioneer status right there.

Family Guy mixes irreverent comedy with what can only be described as wacky situations. The Griffin family isn’t afraid to use some salty language, their neighbor Glen Quagmire will hump anything with a skirt, and nobody, whether they are paralyzed or mentally handicapped, is safe from ridicule. Family Guy has raised complaints throughout it’s existence, most recently with a portrayal of a girl with down syndrome and a reference to the Sarah Palin family. There are no signs of Family Guy getting tamer, despite complaints, and for that we are grateful.

Robot Chicken is more of a claymation show, but it focuses on the cartoons of the eighties so it gets a place on the list. It is impossible not to enjoy a show that pokes fun at all the cartoons we enjoyed when we were kids. Skits involving insanely murderous Strawberry Shortcake dolls and angry Smurfs are always entertaining.

Futurama is a cartoon by Simpsons creator Matt Groening. It definitely has his style of somewhat depressing comedy, focusing on a guy who had a terrible life being frozen until the year 3000, where he makes new friends but is still somewhat of a misfit. Futurama is definitely a bit edgier than The Simpsons and has a devoted fan following. When Futurama was cancelled, fans of the series petitioned to bring the series back. That’s devotion.

The Simpsons paved the way for cartoons geared towards adults. While The Simpsons was animated, something usually reserved for children’s shows, the jokes and darker humor were most definitely aimed at an older audience. That is why The Simpsons has become the longest running animated prime time sitcom in the history of television. All the other cartoons on this list can thank The Simpsons for paving the way for them, back when being edgy was telling a principal to eat your shorts.

Popularity: 1% [?]

We took 64 of the meanest and nastiest movie villains ever created and brought them together for a no holds-barred tournament, to find out who is the evilest villain of all times.  For rules and details about the selection process click here.

ROUND 1: Northeast Region

ROUND 1: Northwest Region

ROUND 1: Southeast Region

ROUND 1: Southwest Region

ROUND 2: East Region

ROUND 2: West Region

SWEET 16: East Region

SWEET 16: West Region

Click image to see an enlarged bracket.

The top 16 weren’t so sweet to Jason Voorhees as he was dumped out of the tournament by the Skirt, Catherine Tramell.  So finally we are down to the top 8 most vile human beings and otherwise that have ever walked the planet in a fictional reality.  And we can only pray that none of the final four will ever make it to our reality.  So who are the final four?

VS.

(1) Joker – the Dark Knight

(7) General Thade – Planet of the Apes

Battle: General Thade may have terrorized an entire race, but he was organized.  He was controlled.  He had purpose.  And even worse (as far as being evil goes) he still cared about his own people.  Joker couldn’t care less about his own people, including the gangsters.  He killed them whenever the mode struck him.  No one was safe from the Joker’s wrath.  Sometimes not even the Joker.

Winner: Joker

VS.

(1) Freddy Krueger – A Nightmare on Elm Street

(3) Catherine Tramell – Basic Instinct

Battle: On paper it’s Freddy by a mile, but if you look closer he can easily be picked apart.  First of all the guy can only attack children (and I don’t believe it’s ever truly defined when you stop being a “child” Freddy can attack).  So his victim pool is limited.  He is also stuck in the dream world.  I know everyone has to sleep, but there is no reason to be terrified of him while you’re awake.  He also seems to limit himself to the kids on Elm Street, so if you are smart enough to stay away, he’ll never know you exist.  Catherine Tramell is an international killer.  She is also the type to kill people just to amuse herself, while Freddy was purely revenge motivated.  However, Tramell is not without fault.  She is evil, but doesn’t she always seem to go after people who somewhat deserve it?  She’s never really gotten to someone with a strong will or mind.  They wouldn’t fall for her tricks, and if you don’t play her game, she can’t really kill you.

Okay, this one has gone into overtime.  And in overtime I have to go with my gut.  My gut says that Freddy Krueger was a meaner son-of-a-b****, but who was eviler?…more evil?  Whatever…I know I’m stalling…uhh…coin flip…no I didn’t actually flip a coin…

…

Okay, okay.

Winner: Freddy Krueger

VS.

(3) Damien – The Omen

(9) Castor Troy – Face/Off

Battle: Castor Troy is defined as a terrorist, but the devil has and always will be the king of terrorism.  Damien as you know, is the devil’s son.  But this matchup really boils down to their resumes.  Damien’s objective was to destroy the world that God made.  To end it all.  Castor Troy’s objective was to just blow up a few major cities.  Kill a bunch of people here and there, but he really had no intentions of killing himself.  He was too vain for that.  Damien would’ve gladly killed himself to reach his destiny.  Neither of them actually succeeded.  Damien’s aim was a little bit higher.

Winner: Damien

VS.

(2) Terminator – Terminator

(12) Gordon Gekko – Wall Street

Battle: Terminator were created to destroy the human race.  Gordon Gekko was created to destroy human finances.  Gordon was merciless.  He would steal from his own grandmother to make a profit.  He’d take your house, your life saving, your kids college education and buy a yacht then name it after your family and sail it by the cardboard box you now live in.  He was cold as a…well…robot.  But there was one catch.  He didn’t really have the stones to kill anybody and while we as a society worship money, it’s not completely vital to life.  You heartbeat is however.  And the Terminator was eager to take that from you.  The clock strikes 12 on the Cinderella coach that is Gekko.

Winner: Terminator

Click image to see an enlarged bracket.

NEXT UP, THE FINAL FOUR!—->

Beaze and all his crazy antics, featured articles and random thoughts are now on twitter @Beazewriter

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