It is a known fact that every kid who has ever existed has gone through some point in their life when they were obsessed with dinosaurs. If you add dinosaurs to anything, it automatically makes it better. Let’s take a look at some examples. Transformers + Dinosaur = Grimlock, the coolest Transformer ever. Douchey Guy Pooping + Dinosaur = Great Scene in Jurassic Park. Me + Dinosaur = Supreme Ruler of the Galaxy. I think you get the point. To further back this up, let’s take a look at some great movies about dinosaurs.
Jurassic Park
When did you first learn the word velociraptor? If you learned it before Jurassic Park came out you are either a paleontologist or a liar. Paleontologists are too busy searching for fossils while daydreaming about riding upon sauropods to be reading this article, so you are a liar. That is the kind of impact that Jurassic Park had on our society, it taught us all a new vocabulary word that has been seared into our collective conscious. Also, it had that aforementioned scene where the pooping guy got eaten by a tyrannosaurus. The dinosaurs were lifelike enough for us to buy into the movie and actually wonder how screwed we would be if a pack of velociraptors hunted us down.
We all remember the first time we were introduced to Littlefoot, Petrie, and the rest of the prehistoric little rascals. This series remains a classic despite the terrible sequels that have been made. We even grew to love that gruff old Cera. What we had here was the perfect combination for a young audience. Kids are boring, they can’t do much, therefore they love to see other fictional kids having awesome adventures and live vicariously through them. Also, kids love dinosaurs. Seriously, if you ask a group of 10 5 year olds what they want to be when they grow up, 9 of them will say some sort of dinosaur and shun the loser who said a lawyer. The Land Before Time had kids who were also dinosaurs having adventures. It was all of our dreams come true. Plus we were all kind of curious what would happen if Littlefoot and Cera did it. You know there was some romantic tension there.
We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story
After The Land Before Time came out, we didn’t think it could get any better. Well guess what, it did. We got a sort of grown up version of The Land Before Time with We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story. Rather than having kids live out their fantasies with dinosaurs, We’re Back had kids who were friends with talking dinosaurs. This was so much better, we still got our adventure, we could tell dinosaurs what to do, and we still had opposable thumbs in our fantasies. In this movie, we also got to see what happens when the dinosaurs turn against, a little sneak peak at Jurassic Park if you will. Of course in this version our bonds of friendship with the dinosaurs were so strong we were able to talk them out of a murderous rampage. There is only one way this could possibly be improved on.
Transformers 3: Grimlock Eats Sam Witwicky’s Parents
This movie has not been made yet, but I am currently sending in numerous manuscripts to Michael Bay in order to make this a reality. This could become the greatest dinosaur movie of all time because of the shocking twist: the dinosaur is also an alien robot. That is known as the trifecta right there. Imagine the opening scene with the Witwicky parents making awkward comments about old people sex or something like they usually do. All of a sudden Grimlock tears the roof off of their house and just swallows them whole. We are trying to keep the PG-13 rating, or else he would bite them in half. You’ll have to wait until the unrated DVD comes out for that version. The rest of the movie would be Grimlock destroying everything, even Optimus Prime would not be able to contain Grimlock’s primal fury. Shia LaBeouf runs around with Megan Fox trying not to get stepped on and is essentially useless. Somehow Megan Fox’s shirt gets wet. Closing scene: Megan Fox is standing on top of Grimlock’s head as he gives out a triumphant roar. He stands upon the burning wreckage of some well known building as there is a gigantic explosion in the background. Megan Fox’s shirt is still wet. That is what is known as Oscar material. Seriously, Michael Bay, write me back.
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