Humor District

3-D movies have become somewhat of a craze in Hollywood. It seems that almost every movie put out these days has a regular version and a 3-D version for moviegoers to choose from. Of course Hollywood also likes the fact that tickets to 3-D movies are more expensive than regular tickets. The 3-D movement has gotten so popular that 3-D televisions have been put into production, allowing you to immerse yourself in the 3-D experience from the comfort of your own home. These are the 3-D movies that will make you want to go out and buy yourself one of those high tech television sets just to watch them.

Avatar

It is no surprise that Avatar is one of the best movies to see in 3-D for several reasons. First, James Cameron is  great director, and we have come to expect great movies from him. Second, Avatar used all new 3-D technology in its filming to provide a result unlike anything we had ever seen before. While some people feel that the nature conservancy message in Avatar is a little heavy handed, everybody can agree that it is a marvelous visual spectacle.

Up

Up was a great movie in general, and it also made good use of 3-D technology. What made the 3-D sections of Up so good was it felt like a natural part of the movie. Many movies add in seemingly random scenes just to show off some 3-D action, but all the 3-D scenes in Up flowed seamlessly with the rest of the movie providing a great viewing experience. This may seem like a simple thing to do, but it is surprising how many movies forget 3-D can be used as more than just a gimmicky way to sell more expensive tickets.

Monsters vs. Aliens

Much like Up, Monsters vs. Aliens was a pretty adorable movie with seamlessly integrated 3-D scenes. The 3-D scenes were also more entertaining because of the general tone of Monsters vs. Aliens, which you have probably figured out wasn’t a very serious movie from the title. I guess the goofy antics of unintelligent monsters are even more adorable when they appear to be coming out of the screen.

Beowulf

Beowulf was, in general, not the greatest movie ever made. It is a great example of a 3-D movie though. Beouwulf was so well animated that there are some scenes where it is easy to forget that it is not live action, and that goes for the 3-D scenes as well. The animation was so good that Beowulf rivals Avatar in terms of a visual performance, but overall I think everyone would agree that Avatar was by far the superior movie.

Toy Story

By this point you have probably realized that 3-D technology is best suited to animated movies. 3-D technology is also well suited to great movies from our childhood. When Toy Story was released in 3-D, there was a rush to theaters. The 3-D scenes made us feel like little kids again, and as if we were hanging out with Woody, Buzz, and the rest of the gang. That was an awesome feeling that came with the rebirth of an awesome movie.

Hey There is something about watching sports that gets every guy pumped up. Seeing your favorite receiver snag a touchdown on a one handed diving catch can easily become the highlight of your work. That is why so many TV shows are about sports and focus on those epic moments where the season is on the line and the team just has to win one for the Gipper. Some sports shows focus on highlights from actual games, and some chronicle the on and off field dilemmas of fictional teams. One thing these shows all have in common is they make us want to cheer on the teams.

SportsCenter

When it comes to sports shows, SportsCenter is the king. Remember those plays mentioned in the first paragraph? The ones that make the hair on the back of your neck stand up and cheer until your voice cracks like a prepubescent boy? SportsCenter is essentially a highlight show made up entirely of those plays. When you want to see the best of the best in athletic performances, you turn on SportsCenter and watch their Top 10 plays.

Hard Knocks

Hard Knocks is one of the best shows on HBO, and that’s saying something. Over the years Hard Knocks has profiled different NFL teams as they go through preseason, showing the routines of veterans, the struggles of new players, and the tough decisions that head coaches have to make. One of the saddest scenes you will see on television is when a player is called into the coach’s office and told to hand in his playbook. For a lot of these guys football is their life, and Hard Knocks does a great job of humanizing these athletes that most of us look up to in awe.

Friday Night Lights

When it comes to shows depicting fictional sports teams, there are none better than Friday Night Lights. Friday Night Lights follows the Dillon Panthers high school football team as they struggle to overcome adversity on and off the football team. The main theme of this show is how small town high school athletes are often placed on a pedestal by those around them, leading to a ridiculous amount of pressure that most teenagers don’t know how to handle. More importantly, the football game scenes are very well done and entertaining as hell.

Shaq Vs.

Hey

Shaquille O’Neal is one of the most outspoken and outgoing professional athletes who has ever lived. He also happens to be one of the best players the NBA has seen. This all adds up to a great show as Shaq takes on professional athletes in other sports and tries to beat them at their own games. A man who tops 7 feet can only be so athletic, so most of these challenges are pretty comedic, with Shaq losing regularly. Still, the big man is an impressive athlete, and he would definitely beat us regular guys at pretty much every sport.

Pros Vs. Joes

Speaking of us regular guys, how often have you seen a basketball player miss a shot or a football player drop a pass and proclaim that you could have done better? Admit it, we all do it. Unlike me, most people are mistaken in their assessments of their athletic abilities. While I totally could have made that play, Pros Vs. Joes prove that when most people try to run by a 250 lb middle linebacker they get absolutely flattened. Occasionally a Joe makes a great play against a Pro, giving the rest of you hope in your meager abilities, but most of the time the Joes fail, and that failure is fun to watch. Just for the record, I’d dominate that show.

Hew

Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez brought grindhouse style films back to popularity with Death Proof and Planet Terror. By popularity I mean I enjoyed those movies and the style they were filmed in, so I assume others did too. Now people have started to wonder what other movies would look like if they were filmed in the grindhouse style. Of course the rational jump there was to move from other movies to the children’s book, The Lorax, by Dr. Seuss. It is a little known fact that Dr. Seuss, real name Theodor Seuss Geisel, was actually not too fond of children. He didn’t hate them or anything, he just didn’t like to be around them. I feel like he would approve of this Lorax grindhouse movie made by Classy Hands. Hell, he’d probably play it with a projector on the side of his house to keep those pesky kids off his lawn.

Now that I have seen this, I would really like to see a gritty remake of Hop on Pop. Perhaps One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish could be turned into a psychological thriller. Somebody needs to get Christopher Nolan on the phone right now. Just remember it was my idea, with a guiding hand from Classy Hands.

When a lot of people hear the term biography they think of a story about the life of some obscure nobleman, such as how the Earl of Boykins once shot the King’s turkey in a display of protest. It’s really not all that interesting to many of us. Then again, there are those rare figures in history who lived truly interesting and amazing lives. The biographical movies made about them are some of the best movies you can watch. Sure, some of them might be embellished a bit, but everybody likes to spice up a life story a little. Just ask your grandpa about the last fish e caught, if he told the truth it wouldn’t be very entertaining at all.

Braveheart

Braveheart is the story of William Wallace, a Scottish knight who kicked some English ass. William Wallace decided he was tired of the king sending English soldiers into Scotland to oppress the Scottish people and steal their attractive women. Thus he led a rebellion and killed as many English soldiers as he could get his hands on. Of course the movie embellishes this story a bit, as it is an exaggeration of a poem which is itself an exaggeration of William Wallace’s life. Still, there are few scenes more powerful than Mel Gibson yelling “freedom” as he is being drawn and quartered.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

The Wild West was a pretty awesome period in American history. Part of what made it so awesome were Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. These two bank robbers made a name for themselves by pulling heists on trains and starting the infamous Wild Bunch gang. They soon became too famous, as the law began to track them down until they were forced to flee to South America. If you are looking for a classic Western based off of actual events, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid is the way to go.

Lawrence of Arabia

Lawrence of Arabia is widely considered one of the greatest movies of all time, and for good reason. Lawrence of Arabia is in fact T.E. Lawrence, a British officer who served as a liaison to the Arab nations during World War 1. He ends up being instrumental in the invasions of Damascus and Aqaba, and forms friendships with many high ranking Arab officials. The most powerful part of the movie is how the violence of war changes Lawrence, and what he becomes willing to do to those who have attacked him and his new friends.

The Queen

Princess Diana’s death was a big deal, and is still brought up occasionally these days. The Queen focuses on how Queen Elizabeth II handled the aftermath of Princess Diana’s death, both personally and politically. It was a complicated time, as the royal status of Princess Diana was disputed, but the public loved her. This left the royal family in quite the pickle as they had to decide whether to mourn Diana privately or have a public service. The Queen is a great look into the pressures of being modern day royalty.

Spartacus

Spartacus is the true story of a slave who becomes a gladiator and then leads a bloody revolt against his tyrannical masters. That probably has most of you wanting to go watch this movie right away, but for those of you who like some thought provoking scenes to go along with your gratuitous violence, Spartacus’ revolution plays a big part in the senate elections. One side uses Spartacus’ slave army to undermine the other, but how much of a threat can Spartacus and his ragtag army be to the military might of Rome? I am going to watch this movie again right now and find out.

Once you become a celebrity, people start paying very close attention to the things you do. People will write articles about your daily bowel movements if you are famous enough, and every rumor about your life will be turned into an exaggerated tabloid article that will be read by millions of people waiting to checkout in the grocery store. You can imagine the uproar caused when something actually interesting happens with a celebrity, such as a sex tape being released. I mean we all know celebrities probably get more action than anybody, internet writers excluded, but it is big news when there is video evidence of it. Maybe that is why some sex tapes are released. Not to be cynical, but a good sex tape brings up a celebrity’s name in the media and shows off their prowess leading to more sex tape opportunities. You devious celebrities!

Pamela Anderson is on a Boat

One of the first celebrity sex tapes to surface was one featuring actress Pamela Anderson and her ex-husband, Motley Crue’s Tommy Lee. The controversy this caused resulted in Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee being talked about frequently in the media, and got Tommy Lee’s man parts complimented. The benefits of having a sex tape were shown worldwide! Have you fallen out of the limelight? Do you have a new television show or movie coming out? All you have to do is be like Pam and Tommy and make a sex tape.

One Night in a Simple Life Promo

Speaking of using a sex tape to market a new show, it is interesting that Paris Hilton’s sex tape was leaked right before the premier of The Simple Life, a show about Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie being stuck up brats as they went to live with decent hard working Americans. Yeah, there were multiple seasons of The Simple Life, mostly because everybody had seen Paris Hilton naked and in night vision. It sure as hell couldn’t have been because people enjoyed that show, other wise I’ll just lose faith in humanity. Paris Hilton is still riding the waves caused by that sex tape to success today, her latest show featuring people competing to be her friend. Classy.

Screech? Is That You?

Saved by the Bell brought me many great memories during my childhood. A lot of those memories featured the goofy antics of the character Screech, played by Dustin Diamond. Those memories were all ruined when Dustin Diamond decided he wanted to get in on the whole celebrity sex tape thing. He thought having a sex tape featuring a threesome would make him big talk, but he made the mistake of admitting he wanted to release the sex tape just to get famous again. That sounded pretty pathetic, and people started ignoring his sex tape almost right away. He now serves as a lesson to other celebrities in how not to release a sex tape.

Lady Wrestlers Should Not Have Sex Tapes

I remember when wrestling was really popular. Men in tight underwear and elbow pads would pretend to beat the crap out of each other, and women who looked like men would pretend to beat the crap out of each other. Alright, that is a generalization, but it cannot be denied that female wrestler Chyna had more testosterone than an NFL middle linebacker. This did not make for a very appealing sex tape, two overly muscled people awkwardly grinding against each other is not what most people find entertaining. It did bring the sport of sweaty men in underwear and elbow pads groping each other back into the media spotlight though! Of course many people find that far more entertaining than Chyna’s sex tape.

Holy Crap, That is Mini-Me!

Te Austin Powers movies were hilarious, and a big part of that hilarity can be attributed to Verne Troyer, the actor who played Mini-Me. There is something inherently hilarious about little people, especially if you are a college age male, a fact that TLC has capitalized upon with their various shows about midgets. Unfortunately for Verne Troyer, people just knew him as Mini-Me and he soon began to fade into obscurity. His sex tape was then released, proving that a celebrity sex tape can be awkward, disgusting, and intriguing all at the same time and earned Troyer a spot on the reality series The Surreal Life. That little guy is moving up in the world, although the myths about Mini-Me being a tripod were dispelled.

Ringing the opening bell at the New York Stock Exchange shirtless

The cast of The Expendables rings the opening bell at the New York Stock Exchange, Terry Crews does it a little differently. Sylvester Stallone amused, Jason Statham wishes he was as cool, and Dolph Lundgren’s all like “where my poker bitches at?”.

White Chicks

Terry Crews MADE White Chicks!

 

Wife & Kids Cameo

Terry absolutely killed it Damon Wayan’s Wife & Kids.

 

Terry Crews Old Spice Commercials – All of Them

Class!

 

Friday After Next

Group Hug!!

I don’t know about you but I’m seriously looking forward to Piranha 3D which launches next week, 1 September. At first I was very confused by the trailer and “Straight to DVD!” I scoffed, but over time their marketing team have nurtured this little beast into my life enough to say “Oh OK I’ll give you a go Piranha 3D” to a point now where I’m all like “Hell yeah, let’s do this shit” & “Piranha 3D FTO” [For the Oscar, the last we shall speak about this]. Lets take you on that journey from confusion to air punches.
 

“Straight to DVD” I Scoffed

Piranha’s with glowing eyes, why the hell is Jerry O’Connell even in this oh yes how could I forget… Kangaroo Jack.

“Oh OK I’ll give you a go Piranha 3D”

The movie poster paying tribute to the Piranha 1978 film poster and original theatrical poster for Jaws. They mean business, by no means is this straight to DVD material.

“Hell yeah, let’s do this shit”

Kelly Brook & Elizabeth Shue in Bikinis frolicking on set? Bitch please…

“Piranha 3D FTO”

“Hollywood Treasure” Jerry O’Connell, Adam Scott, Kelly Brook, Paul Scheer, Pornstar Riley Steele & Elizabeth Shue all begging, nay demanding a whole host of Oscars. Bravo, Encore, Encore, Bravo!

Oh and one last thing (via) Christopher Lloyed plays a scientist!!

Go on, tell me you are not going to watch this movie!!

I have no idea on what’s going on here. This musical tribute to “the greatest scifi writer in history” Ray Bradbury sweetly titled “Fuck me Ray Bradbury” landed in one of my many open Internet Explorer windows (I had 10 or so, I don’t fuck around). How it got there I have no idea, but more importantly why is Rachel Ray is singing about wanting to get her rocks off with Ray Bradbury. OK Ray Bradbury I clearly deduce is “the greatest scifi writer in history” with such titles as A Sound of Thunder & Fahrenheit 451, but who the hell is belter Rachel Ray and whats up with the potty mouth?

Update: IE6 Window #2 had the answer: Rachel Ray UCB Comedienne, verdict is still out as to why.

Darren Aronofsky has made some great movies that are absolutely haunting. His movies are amazing to watch, but you won’t leave them smiling. He has a way of connecting with the audience in his movies, and then finding a way to make that audience more depressed then a kid who just dropped their ice cream cone. I don’t think I could handle an Aronofsky Movie Marathon, simply because I’d just see how crappy life can be and go into a corner and cry. That would be halfway through the second movie of the marathon. It is a testament to his ability that Darren Aronofsky can make us feel so strongly about his movies, and his latest movie, Black Swan, looks like it will live up to the standards set by Requiem for a Dream and The Wrestler.

The best way to describe the Black Swan trailer is intense and deeply unnerving. The soundtracks for Aronofsky movies are always amazing and set the mood perfectly; the music in this trailer is a great example of that. I never thought a bit of violin music and some craziness could make a movie about ballerinas so creepy. Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis look great, and I don’t just mean attractive. Their performances are powerful, there is a sinister aura around Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman seems very paranoid and generally upset. At least Aronofsky realized that even his trailer was way intense and threw in a scene with Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman making out. I am sure that will raise attendance at theaters.

Let me guess. When you saw the British GQ on shelves with Mad Men’s Christina Hendricks adorning the cover you thought to yourself… “Self, I HAVE to get my hands on that GQ” but then looked at the price and muttered a quick “Meh” before moving onto the Hustler, amiright? You did didn’t you, well look no further. We have those pics and a link to GQs interview with the great bosomed lass that you were never going to read anyway. Yay for boobs. Hell yeah for Christina Hendricks!

[via WarmingGlow]