Humor District

Popularity: 1% [?]

A popular hobby on the internet seems to be dubbing old children’s shows. Dubbing consists of doing voice overs for the characters, which usually means we see Scooby Doo uttering an assortment of profanities. As juvenile as this might seem, the results are often hilarious. I could get into a lengthy explanation of how the juxtaposition of innocent characters and naughty language provides an entertaining amount of shock value, but I think I’ll let the results speak for themselves. Be warned, there are naughty words ahead!

I’m the Juggernaut, Bitch!

This dubbed episode of The X-Men is quite possibly the most famous dub ever done. This dub is so well known that when the Juggernaut was introduced in the X-Men movies, he actually uttered the famous line: “I’m the goddamn Juggernaut!” That is pretty much the highest peak of internet fame one can achieve. It is a long video but it keeps the laughs coming, and I could watch it many many times before it got old. It definitely makes me want to go outside and yell that I am the Juggernaut.

Aladdin in Compton

When it comes to dubs that are all about being vulgar, Aladdin from Compton reigns supreme. I warned you about that kind of language, don’t look so shocked. Alright, so I didn’t warn you about all the drug references, stop being such a sissy. If you didn’t laugh when the monkey started doing his little dance, you are dead inside. It might not be fair to dub a video with a dancing monkey, as that is already hilarious, but Aladdin from Compton is pretty entertaining all the way around.

G.I. Joe Teaches a Very Important Lesson

The old G.I. Joe cartoons are perhaps best known for the public service announcements at the end of each episode. Various Joes would warn children about the dangers of sticking their heads in microwaves or getting into the backs of windowless vans. The G.I. Joe PSA dubs are hilarious for the bad advice the Joes are giving children, and also threatening children. Apparently seeing giant muscled men threaten awkward little children is the height of hilarity.

Dirty Dirty Dinosaurs

Dinosaurs was kind of a dirty show on its own. There were plenty of adult oriented jokes that went over my little head when I used to watch it. This dub ran with the adult theme and took it to some pretty extreme levels. This Dinosaurs dub rivals the Aladdin from Compton dub in terms of pure vulgarity. Those of you who are as immature as I am will find this dub just as hilarious as the Aladdin one.

Skeletor’s Stinky Sh… Poop

Speaking of immature, this dub is about Skeletor’s nefarious plot to beat He-Man by pooping in a box. That is absolutely hilarious to me, and Skeletor’s insistence that this will work makes this one of the best dubs ever. The sad part is this isn’t that much more far fetched than most of Skeletor’s actual plots in the He-Man cartoon. When they get around to making a new live action He-Man movie, there will almost certainly be a reference to pooping in a box. I’d bet Orco’s life on it.

Popularity: 6% [?]

Dinner for Schmucks is a very entertaining movie, if you haven’t seen it yet I recommend that you go do that. I’ll wait until you get back. It was good wasn’t it? The main reason for that was Steve Carell’s character Barry was hilarious. There is something very endearing about good natured idiots in movies, we enjoy cheering for them. Maybe we think if those schmucks can make it life, then so can we. Steve Carell isn’t the first person to make a career based off of dimwitted characters. These other actors will always be known as hilarious dumb guys, whether they want or not.

Jim Carrey

Jim Carrey made a name for himself in Dumb and Dumber. That launched his career into playing characters that were lovable, but not too bright. One of his best performances was in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. Sure he had some Sherlock Holmes skills in being able to identify animal feces, but he was still an idiot. A lovable idiot. That is the way we want to remember Jim Carrey, despite his attempts to establish himself as a serious actor. It just wasn’t meant to be, Jim, it just wasn’t meant to be.

Rob Schneider

Rob Schneider has always been a goof. One of his earlier roles was playing a very entertaining incompetent criminal opposite Sylvester Stallone in Judge Dredd. After that he had numerous background roles in Adam Sandler as various dumb guys. His portrayal of dumb guys was so popular that he started to star as dumb guys in his own movies, most notably Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigalo.

Rowan Atkinson

Rowan Atkinson is best known as Mr. Bean. Atkinson himself describes Mr. Bean as a child in an adult’s body, so you can kind of figure out Mr. Bean’s IQ from that. This bumbling man-child is hilarious nonetheless, and remains popular in Atkinson’s native England along with the United States. Anytime we get to see Rowan Atkinson put on his dunce cap promises to be an entertaining experience.

Seth Rogen

Seth Rogen is the below average guy that all of my fellow underachievers can appreciate. He enjoys some marijuana from time to time in his movies, he has some bad ideas, but at least he’s funny. And when I say funny I mean Seth Rogen has some of the best one-liners I’ve heard in a movie. He definitely makes up for his lack of general intelligence in movies with his ability to craft a well timed joke. Plus we can also laugh at the fact he’s overweight. Anything to make us feel better about ourselves.

Johnny Knoxville

Nobody has done a better job in building a career out of being an idiot than Johnny Knoxville. He started on the show Jackass, where he and others pulled stupid and dangerous pranks that made us giggle. Johnny Knoxville was charismatic with his idiocy and that has led him to a successful career in Hollywood. He has been hilarious in movies like The Ringer and Dukes of Hazzard, and he has also made a name for himself as an executive producer of MTV shows. Who would have thought jousting in shopping carts would be so profitable for him?

Popularity: 3% [?]

It has already been reported that Steve Carell does not plan on returning to play Michael Scott on The Office. This is some very disappointing news. While Jim Halpert and Dwight Schrute are great characters, it cannot be denied that Michael Scott is the driving force of the show. The real question now is who will replace Steve Carell?

A Michael Scott replacement needs to both be funny and able to move the story along. The biggest worry is The Office will grow stagnant without a character the exacerbates misunderstandings and is just an all around lovable idiot. That brings up another question: Should Michael Scott’s replacement be a Michael Scott clone? Steve Carell has been so great as Michael Scott that we will most likely look at the replacement and say that they’re no Michael Scott. That comparison just can’t be avoided. Whoever is brought in will be living in Michael Scott’s long and goofy shadow. That’s enough focusing on the negative, let’s look at who some replacement candidates might be.

Danny McBride could be a good replacement if he channels the Kenny Powers in him. Here we would have a boss character that is not too bright, very loud and egotistical, yet still just wants to be loved by everyone. We could also expect more episodes to focus on sexual harassment.

David Koechner has already been on The Office as Michael Scott’s friend Todd Packer, so he would be a familiar face to fans of the show. He has also already played an incompetent boss in the movie Waiting. Here we have another unintelligent replacement candidate, but once again we could expect a few more sexual harassment story lines. Then again, who says that is a bad thing?

Popularity: 6% [?]

Lets be honest 3D is pretty much a gimmick right now, but Jackass 3D is the only reason for it to be ever invented. Watch the Jackass 3D trailer below and tell me you not excited/never creamed your pants. I’ve been a Jackass fan, but nothing to the point where I’d bumrush Johnny Knoxville. After watching this this though I might just have to, total man crush.

Something that didn’t sit well with me however is they seem to be copying stunts. I’m talking about the Santa Tree Top Rider stunt in particular, The Dudesons did it ages ago:

(trailer via ScreenJunkies)

Popularity: 2% [?]

People enjoy horror movies because it is fun to get creeped out at times, as long as we are in the safety of our homes or a movie theater. Some movies like to take the creep factor and raise it into the realms of the absolutely horrifying. Some movies decide that even this is not enough, and decide to take the most depraved thoughts that have ever been imagined and put them up on the big screen. These are the movies that make us sleep with the lights on and never ever want to talk to strangers or drive on a lonely road again. And yet we can’t stop watching. We’re funny that way.

May

There is always something creepy about complete loners. They have no social skills, and as a result we never know what kind of things they are capable of. When their best friend is a homemade doll that they talk to things just go to a whole different level. May is the story of a girl with a lazy eye who has no friends except for a doll in a glass case. When that doll breaks, she does the only reasonable thing imaginable. She starts collecting body parts from all the people who have upset her to create a human doll. If that isn’t messed up enough, just wait till that human doll rolls over and hugs her. You’ll never look at a Barbie the same way again after watching this movie.

Hostel

When it comes to just plain messed up movies, Hostel is king. There are scenes in Hostel that are difficult to watch. Imagine the most sadistic torture you can think of and chances are Hostel does one better, unless you are some sort of serial killer. In that case I don’t think you should watch any of the movies on this list, as they may give you ideas. The most cringe worthy scene is Hostel is definitely when an Asian girl gets a blowtorch to the eye. It melts right out of her socket and gets the lunch right out of my stomach. If you are planning on backpacking through Europe, you probably don’t want to watch this movie.

Human Centipede

Do you remember how Clerks 2 told us to never go ass to mouth? Human Centipede takes the idea of ass to mouth and cranks it up to horrific levels. A sadistic doctor captures stranded tourists and uses them for his insane experiment to make a human centipede. To do this he surgically attaches three people in a line, connecting them in, you guessed it, an ass to mouth pattern. Whatever the first person eats, the last person poops out. Yeah, that is really messed up. All I can say about that is I’d rather be the head than the tail.

High Tension

High Tension has one of the best twist endings I’ve seen, but it can be easy to overlook that when most of the movie is so messed up. Picture this: A dirty and creepy looking guy is in his beat up old truck, and you see a head bobbing up and down in his lap. Your first thought is, oh, what a creepy dude. Than he throws the head out of the window of his truck and drives off. Yeah, it was just a severed head. Seeing that just makes the world seem like a darker place. That scene becomes extra confusing when it is revealed the killer is a girl. I think they just put that scene in the movie to mess with us, and boy did it work.

Wolf Creek

Australia is a dangerous place. The bush is hot, it’s hard to find water, and easy to get lost in. Then there are all manners of poisonous snakes and arachnids and bugs all over the place. When you throw in a homicidal maniac who likes to torture his victims, Australia seems like a much less fun place to vacation at. Wolf Creek is based on the murders of several backpackers in Australia, which just makes it creepier. The defining moment of the movie is when the villain stabs a girl in the back and severs her spinal cord. He then laughs and refers to her as a head on a stick. I think I’ll be heading to Hawaii for vacation.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Casey Affleck’s documentary of Joaquin Phoenix’s crazy antics over the past few years has a September 10 release date. I’m Still Here, follows Phoenix as he try’s his hand at spitting rhymes as MC Phoenix (no lie) and his number of bizarre late night TV appearences, as well as what ever him and and his majestic coat and beard could get up to. Going for Soup Kitchen seconds maybe, I don’t know.

It all sounds like it’s baked in serious amounts of crazy but I can’t help but think the MC Fire Bird is trolling us hard, and I don’t know how I feel about that.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Guillermo Del Toro has a habit of making creepy movies. Pan’s Labyrinth and The Orphanage are two good examples of said creepiness. I think any movie with a child eating monster who puts his eyeballs into his hands automatically qualifies a movie as a little bit creepy. It looks as if Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark will be pumping up the creep factor to never before seen heights. Just watch the trailer for Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark and you will see what I mean.

It seems as if Producer Guillermo Del Toro and Director Troy Nixey have a firm grasp on what fears we have brought with us since childhood. First off, what kid wasn’t afraid of the dark? Well I wasn’t, but I am exceptionally brave. It is all too easy to picture the smallest sounds we heard in the dark as tiny monster claws pattering against the floor. Del Toro and Nixey are just showing what it would be like if those little monsters existed. The creepiest part of the trailer was the little girl crawling under her blanket and seeing one of those little buggers pop out at her. That’s not fair, Del Toro! Everyone knows that monsters can’t get you while you are under your blanket. You are making this movie too scary! I know  will be joined by many others in seeing it, I just hope they don’t mind leaving the lights on for the movie.

Popularity: 1% [?]