Humor District

Disney has produced many classic movies. If you had a childhood, you probably remember movies like Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and Pirates of the Caribbean. With the number of movies that Disney has put out it would be unrealistic to expect all of them to be classics. Some Disney movies have been forgettable to say the least.While this doesn’t make us think any less of Disney, it does prove that even this gigantic corporation can make mistakes. I know, it’s hard to believe. Without further ado, let’s check out the Disney movies that your children will hopefully never have to see.

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice

Disney’s latest movie, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, can best be described as a box office flop. With the always eccentric Nicolas Cage in the movie, along with the entertaining Jay Baruchel, it is surprising that this movie wasn’t more entertaining. Unfortunately Disney thought they could get away with slacking on the story since Nicolas Cage and Jay Baruchel were in the movie, but audiences weren’t buying it. It must be said that The Sorcerer’s Apprentice is a visually appealing movie, but the lackluster dialogue and plot leaves much to be desired.

Snow Dogs

Snow Dogs marked the downfall of Cuba Gooding Jr.’s career. Before he had been in some great movies, which is why it was so surprising to see him in a movie that was so obviously terrible. The story basically has Cuba inheriting a pack of sled dogs, but being a dentist and having no idea how to control them. I guess if you liked the joke of Cuba Gooding Jr. falling over in the snow repeatedly and having his dogs laugh at him then you’d enjoy Snow Dogs. Unfortunately even six year olds get tired of that joke when it is repeated fifty times.

Home on the Range

Disney should learn to not put Cuba Gooding Jr. in their movies. Snow Dogs was atrocious, but Home on the Range was even worse. Cuba Gooding Jr. lent his voice talents to one of the main characters, a cow. This cow wants to save the ranch by kidnapping a cattle rustler. Remember kids, if you have a problem you need solved all you have to do is kidnap the right person. Home on the Range received a huge amount of marketing before it came out, but when it was released it became clear that all the creativity was used on the marketing campaign rather than in the movie. It says a lot that this movie was hyped so much, but most people don’t even remember it.

Treasure Planet

Treasure Planet had so much potential to be a great movie, which made the end result all the more disappointing. Visually, this movie was stunning. Disney pulled out all the stops with the animation. Unfortunately they didn’t do the same with the story, a new take on the classic Treasure Island. The Treasure Island plot was loosely followed in Treasure Planet, Disney just decided that it would be improved upon by taking out all the clever dialogue, plot nuances, and character development. It can now be said that Disney was wrong on this account.

Inspector Gadget

Inspector Gadget was literally painful to watch. Disney took a character who was already loved by children around the world and proceeded to butcher him on screen. They even showed the sinister Claw on screen! Claw was always the man in the shadows, how could they just reveal him like that? Much like Snow Dogs, Inspector Gadget relied far too much on visual gags rather than an actual coherent story. To make matters worse, Michelle Trachtenberg wasn’t hot yet in this movie, taking away the only advantage Inspector Gadget might have had.

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There were many interesting panels at San Diego Comic Con this year, and as a result there is no shortage of movie news. One of the biggest releases was the trailer for Zack Snyder’s latest movie, Sucker Punch. Zack Snyder has become nerd royalty after directing 300 and Watchmen, so it is no surprise that fanboys everywhere squealed in delight upon the release of the Sucker Punch trailer. Sucker Punch follows a young girl who has been institutionalized by her step-father and spends her time planning her escape from the asylum and having crazy adventures in a fantasy world. Basically this movie promises to have a great mix of action, hot girls, and a touch of craziness to round things out. Unfortunately, the trailer shown at San Diego Comic Con is not the same as the newly released trailer. Those of us who didn’t make it to San Diego Comic Con only get to see a shorter version of the trailer released at the Con. Check out the first Sucker Punch trailer released to the public below.

The trailer doesn’t reveal too much about the plot of the movie, but man does it deliver on the action, hot girls, and craziness. There is even a freaking dragon. As a guy who enjoys hot girls, ass kicking, and the occasional dragon or two, I can definitively say that I will be going to see this movie. What is exciting about the trailer is how much action is shown without revealing what is going on. It has definitely piqued my curiosity. I can’t say with absolute confidence that Sucker Punch will be an amazing movie, but my Magic 8 Ball says it is highly likely.

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It seems that once somebody becomes a movie star we start watching everything they do, even if it doesn’t relate to movies. We become interested in what cars they are driving, what clothes they are wearing, and what nation they are adopting children from. Essentially we take away all of their privacy. Having every move analyzed can be stressful for celebrities, luckily watching them all the time means we get to see them blow up. When I say blow up, I mean 4th of July style fireworks, just replace the explosions with craziness. Sometimes this outrageous behavior is just as entertaining as their movies. We have many examples of celebrities hitting the self-destruct button, let’s take the time to look back on some of the most memorable.

Mel Gibson Hates Everyone

A while back Mel Gibson got arrested for drunk driving. This, unfortunately, wouldn’t be huge news if it wasn’t for his behavior during his arrests. He released a barrage of anti-semitic comments, blaming Jewish people for literally all the wars in the world. I’m not sure if any of the arresting officers were Jewish, but Mel Gibson did his best to piss them off specifically by referring to the female officer as sugar breasts. He just said it in a less polite way. We thought that was as bad as things would get for crazy old Mel, but he recently outdid himself. His former girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva recently recorded some of Mel Gibson’s rants against her. He said that she dressed in a way that might lead to forcible sex with black men, and threatened to burn down her house, but only after she gives him mouth love. Again, Mel Gibson used some more offensive terms than a gentleman like myself would use. At least he didn’t blame Jewish people for his craziness.

Do Not Distract Christian Bale

The filming of Terminator Salvation revealed that the actor best known for playing Batman has an explosive temper. Christian Bale is well known for immersing himself in a role, often times taking it to extremes. With the amount of preparation he puts into his acting, it is no surprise that he doesn’t like interruptions. What was a surprise was how much he dislikes interruptions. When a member of the lighting crew walked through and ruined a scene, he felt the full force of Christian Bale’s fury. There were many expletives shouted, threats to break some lights, and Bale sounding like an asshole. It definitely seemed like a bit of an overreaction considering he would most likely have to shoot that scene 30 times even if he wasn’t interrupted.

Alec Baldwin Compares Child to Livestock

Sometimes you love somebody so much it hurts. At least that is a saying I’ve heard of. Apparently Alec Baldwin believes in the less often heard saying “love somebody so much you insult them repeatedly in a phone message”. When his 11 year old daughter didn’t answer his phone call, Alec Baldwin decided the appropriate response would be to leave a message calling her a disgusting little pig, threatening to hit her with a brick, and asking her to tell her mother to fornicate with herself. Not a very classy move from the star of 30 Rock and many movies. The best part was he seemed unsure of his own daughter’s age, switching between 12 and 11. Maybe that’s why she didn’t answer the phone.

Russell Crowe Breaks Phones

Being in a movie like Gladiator can really get that testosterone flowing. Considering the phenomenal job that Russell Crowe did in Gladiator, it is not that surprising that he had some trouble distinguishing which actions from that movie were actually appropriate in real life. While staying in a hotel, Russell Crowe was unable to place a phone call. Feeling like he was being held back by whiny little emperor, Russel Crowe led a one man revolt against the hotel tyrant. His weapon of choice was the phone. He mistook the hotel concierge for the previously mentioned, and fictional, hotel tyrant. This resulted in a violent meeting between the airborne phone and the concierge’s face, and Russell Crowe being escorted away by the boys in blue.

David O. Russell and Actors Do Not Get Along

David O. Russell is a director who is no stranger to outbursts. He actually came to blows with George Clooney during the filming of Three Kings, after Clooney commented on Russell’s verbal abuse of the staff. Russell proceeded to call Clooney an ass and a word meaning lady’s reproductive organs, and tried to choke him. You’d think that he would only have one outburst of crazy like that in a lifetime, but that was not the case. During the filming of I heart Huckabees, Russell went after actress Lily Tomlin. Luckily he did not try to strangle her, but he did call her an even worse word for lady parts than he used on Clooney. He then proceeded to break parts of the set and lock himself in his office. That’s how adults solve their problems, kids.

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Could Ferris Bueller have been imagined by Cameron? The Ferris Bueller Fight Club Theory has been around for a while and has been discussed at length. Ferris Bueller, the person, is just a figment of Cameron’s imagination, and Sloane is the girl Cameron secretly loves.

One day while he’s lying sick in bed, Cameron lets “Ferris” steal his father’s car and take the day off, and as Cameron wanders around the city, all of his interactions with Ferris and Sloane, and all the impossible hijinks, are all just played out in his head. This is part of the reason why the “three” characters can see so much of Chicago in less than one day — Cameron is alone, just imagining it all.

It isn’t until he destroys the front of the car in a fugue state does he finally get a grip and decide to confront his father, after which he imagines a final, impossible escape for Ferris and a storybook happy ending for Sloane (“He’s gonna marry me!”), the girl that Cameron knows he can never have.

ClassyHands took that concept and created this brilliant remixed trailer:

[via Gawker]

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Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg are the stars of the latest buddy cop movie, The Other Guys, and it looks hilarious. This is the next in a long line of buddy cop movies, and The Other Guys will have a hard time living up to some of them. Of course with Mark Wahlberg playing the straight man against Will Ferrell, I don’t think we have to worry about this movie providing laughs. The only question is if it will provide as many laughs as some of the great buddy cop movies that came before, and how the comedy will be balanced with action. No buddy cop movie is complete without a bad guy meeting justice at the end of a bullet. Or fist. Or bullet fist.

Lethal Weapon

Lethal Weapon is the standard that all buddy cop movies are judged by. When this movie came out, Mel Gibson was still a lovable sort of crazy who played perfectly against Danny Glover. As Sergeant Martin Riggs and Roger Murtaugh, Gibson and Glover made the perfect team. Just picture an old bickering married couple that can kick an extreme amount of ass. While they got on each other’s nerves, Mel Gibson and Danny Glover came together to defeat the bad guys and become best friends. They don’t call them buddy cop movies for nothing after all.

Rush Hour

Before I start talking about Rush Hour, has anybody seen Chris Tucker recently? He has been getting a little chunky, he needs to start hanging out with Jackie Chan again. Speaking of hanging out with Jackie Chan, the main appeal of Rush Hour was the interaction of Chris Tucker’s Detective James Carter and Jackie Chan’s Inspector Lee. The culture clash between the two provided many laughs, and Jackie Chan used the fact that he was Jackie Chan to kung fu bad guys into oblivion. Chris Tucker helped with that a little bit too.

Bad Boys

Will Smith and Martin Lawrence bickered almost as much as Mel Gibson and Danny Glover throughout Bad Boys. Will Smith is the Mel Gibson type character, willing to break rules and take chances to get the job done. Martin Lawrence is the Danny Glover type, often complaining about being too old for this poop despite his relatively young age. Will Smith was definitely cooler. when things got down and dirty though, both Smith and Lawrence were ready to unleash a fiery hail of lead based justice. If only the chief would get off their backs and let them solve crimes their way, at a very high cost to the city!

Hot Fuzz

When it comes to pure comedy, Hot Fuzz is one of the best buddy cop movies around. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost of Shaun of the Dead fame starred as cops in a small town with an unusually high rate of accidents. Nick Frost plays the big innocent dumb guy very well, and Simon Pegg plays the top cop type, although one who doesn’t approve of the tactics often shown in buddy cop movies. Many of the other movies on this list are actually referenced throughout Hot Fuzz. In the end, Simon Pegg realizes there is no better way to rid a small town of corruption than removing the corrupt people with violence. Lots and lots of gratuitous violence. We wouldn’t have it any other way.

Cop Out

Cop Out was Kevin Smith’s recent attempt at a buddy cop movie. While the story wasn’t great, the main characters Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan did a great job saving the movie. The action scenes weren’t very good, but they made up for it with a lot of comedy, which is what Kevin Smith does best. Hopefully The Other Guys takes some pages from the comedy side of Cop Out, but also greatly improves upon the action. A buddy cop movie cannot be considered complete until the amount of violent justice can be described as excessive.

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The trailers for  the new Christopher Nolan movie Inception look pretty awesome, even if they don’t reveal a whole lot about the story other than it will be confusing. Leonardo DiCaprio plays some sort of dream detective and a bunch of dreams involve things blowing up or flipping upside down. That’s the basic plot as far as I can surmise. Luckily the producers of Inception and Yahoo! have realized that some of us would like to go into the movie with some understanding of this dream world, and have released a graphic novel on the Yahoo! website.

The Inception graphic novel is 34 pages long and features a great story that introduces us to some of the main characters. The story focuses on Leonardo DiCaprio’s character of Cobb and Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character of Arthur. Yahoo! has done a great job of formatting the online comic so it is easy to read. Add the fact that the art is good and the story is fantastic, you should definitely check this comic out if you are planning on seeing Inception. The best part is the comic is a prequel, introducing us to the main characters without revealing any spoilers from the movie. You can read the Yahoo! Inception comic here. Do it.

Chances are Inception will still make you do some brain gymnastics, even after reading the comic. Christopher Nolan doesn’t really do straightforward movies. After you have read the comic you can see Inception in theaters on July 16th. I would definitely recommend seeing the IMAX version.

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Roman Polanski is a free man thanks to a monumental screw up from the US authorities, failing to provide confidential documents to the Swiss government. Haha, you catch the dude who’s been on the preverbial run for 33 years and then you fail to produce the relevant papers? Ridiculous. Maybe someone in the bureau is a fan of his work if you know what I mean, *hint* *hint* *win… OK whatever, you know what I mean.

Roman not giving a toss

Via the AP

The Swiss government declared renowned film director Roman Polanski a free man on Monday after rejecting a U.S. request to extradite him on a charge of having sex in 1977 with a 13-year-old girl.

The Swiss mostly blamed U.S. authorities for failing to provide confidential testimony about Polanski’s sentencing procedure in 1977-1978.

The stunning decision could end the United States’ three-decade pursuit of Polanski, unless he travels to another country that would be willing to apprehend him and weigh sending him to Los Angeles. France, where he has spent much of his time, does not extradite its own citizens, and the public scrutiny over Switzerland’s deliberations may dissuade other nations from making such a spectacular arrest.

The Swiss government said it had sought confidential testimony given on Jan. 26 by Roger Gunson, the Los Angeles attorney in charge of the original prosecution against Polanski. Washington rejected the request.

“Mr. Polanski can now move freely. Since 12:30 today he’s a free man,” Justice Minister Eveline Widmer-Schlumpf declared. more

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Mick Jagger and Leonardo Dicaprio happened to be in the same executive suite during World Cup quarter final between Germany and Argentina in Cape Town. Check out Mick Jagger’s expression/disgust at Dicaprio’s Vuvuzela blowing attempt. Gold.

Proud of his German heritage, in 2008 Leonardo told German paper BILD: ‘Germany will always be my second home.’ and when asked about Jagger Dicaprio went on to say ‘Mick? Fuck that guy. Seriously, 50 Years of the “I can’t get no satisfaction” and when I give it him in buckets he’s all like “Shurt the furck urp Dicurprio”‘.

“Shurt the furck urp”

Chec

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Many people think of the San Diego Comic Con as that place where fat guys dress up as Batman and look at each other’s comic book collections. This is only partly true. The San Diego Comic Con has grown far larger than a simple gathering of comic book fans, and has also grown to include types of media other than comic books. One of the biggest parts of the San Diego Comic Con these days is movie previews. Comic book movies have grown very popular, so producers use the San Diego Comic Con as a way to promote their movies before release. This means we get to see sneak peeks of movies and get some extra details on the production process. Here are some of the movies that will be featured, or we at least hope will be featured, at the San Diego Comic Con.

Megamind

Megamind is the latest DreamWorks production. This movie will answer the often asked question of what happens if a villain kills his heroic nemesis. With a cast including Will Ferrell, Jonah Hill, and Brad Pitt, Megamind is looking like it will be quite the entertaining movie. The first day of Comic Con features a panel dedicated to Megamind so we can expect some sneak peeks to be released. Maybe we will also find out why they changed the name of the movie from Oobermind to Megamind after they had released promotional materials.

The Green Hornet

We recently showed The Green Hornet trailer on here, so we can expect there to be a lot more Green Hornet news at Comic Con. I am personally hoping they show off the car used in the movie, a 1966 Imperial nicknamed Black Beauty. Expect another trailer to be released at Comic Con, giving us a better look at how Seth Rogen will handle the hero role. The trailer looks promising, but Comic Con will give us a better idea of what to expect from this movie.

Thor

It is no secret that Marvel is putting out movies featuring major heroes in order to make the big Avengers movie in the future. The Thor movie has been somewhat overshadowed by the Captain America movie, but Comic Con is sure to take a look at both. Chris Hemsworth will be playing the role of Thor, and so far we have just seen one picture of him in costume and no trailer. Hopefully Comic Con will fix that and give us plenty of information on the Norse God of Thunder. I would also like to see some information on Chris Evans and the Captain America movie, such as if Chris Evans will be cracking his usual jokes in this movie. Maybe Marvel will also explain why they like actors named Chris so much, I might have to get a name change.

Salt

San Diego Comic Con isn’t just about comics anymore, and as a result many movie studios bring special sneak peeks of their movies to the convention. One movie that will be featured is Angelina Jolie’s action thriller Salt. It will be interesting to see the Russian spy angle discussed, especially considering the fact the United States just found some real life Russian spies. A case of life imitating art indeed. More importantly, Angelina Jolie still looks super hot.

Deadpool

I don’t know how much Deadpool will be discussed at Comic Con, especially considering the fact that the star of Deadpool, Ryan Reynolds, will be busy promoting his role as Green Lantern over on the DC side of things. It is hard to imagine this movie project not being brought up at some point considering the support given by fans and Ryan Reynolds himself. Hopefully a production schedule will be released at Comic Con, but there is definitely no guarantee on that.

The Expendables

Another non-comic movie that will be featured at Comic Con is The Expendables. I really want to see another trailer for this movie, because it will be three minutes of ass kicking. I don’t care what the plot is, a movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, and Jason Statham  is going to be awesome. This is definitely not going to be a movie for intellectuals, but it will be amazing nonetheless.

We here at HumorDistrict will definitely be keeping an eye on movie news coming from the San Diego Comic Con, so you can look forward to updates on all the movies discussed here and more.

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Jude Law recently presented some good news in a recent interview, revealing that the Sherlock Holmes sequel will likely start shooting in October. Both Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr. were excellent as Watson and Holmes, and I am definitely looking to their on screen banter returning. The fact that this movie is being put on the fast track is actually more exciting than worrying for once.

Many times that a popular movie is put on the fast track, quality is sacrificed to quickly put out a new movie that many people are going to buy tickets for. I don’t think that will be the case with the Sherlock Holmes sequel for several reasons. First off, Guy Ritchie has a history of putting out very entertaining movies. From Snatch to RocknRolla, it seems like Ritchie doesn’t know how to do anything but put out good movies. Another reason the fast track process is not worrying is that the story is not as important. This might come as somewhat of a surprise saying the story isn’t what makes Sherlock Holmes. Even in the first movie, the story itself really wasn’t that great. It was enjoyable, but what made the movie so good was the interaction between Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law. Those two play off of each other so well that they really do make the movies themselves.

With that said, I am extremely confident that Guy Ritchie will make sure the story is decent, and Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law will remain as entertaining as ever. With shooting starting in October, expect the next installment of the Sherlock Holmes franchise to come out in 2011. I would also be surprised if this was the last mystery we saw Sherlock Holmes and Watson tackle.

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