Humor District

Movies are a good way to escape from reality. After a long day we can pop Caddyshack into the DVD player and all our worries just melt away. That is why most movies focus on the happier things in life, such as seeing your enemies driven before you and hearing the lamentations of their women. Some movies prefer to hit us with a heavy dose of reality that remind us that we don’t always get that raise we want, the girls of our dreams don’t know our names, and sometimes we have to get friendly with a man named Big Ted to fuel our drug habits. These movies will leave you feeling pretty low after you watch them, but they are still great movies. If you haven’t seen them before, beware. There are some spoilers ahead. Spoilers that will make you cry.

Million Dollar Baby

I think most people could have told you that a movie about a woman who wants to make a living getting punched in the face would not end well. Still, the build up throughout the movie actually made us cheer for Hilary Swank as Clint Eastwood coached her from the corner. Unfortunately our initial feelings were correct as Hilary Swank’s character ends up as a paraplegic who tries to chew through her own tongue to kill herself. That and Clint Eastwood cries. It does not get much more depressing than that.

Requiem for a Dream

We recently spoke about Requiem for a Dream being the most effective drug deterrent system of all time. It is extremely depressing as all the characters suffer from drug addiction, causing their lives to go straight down the tubes. The most depressing character is Sara Goldfarb. She is the elderly mother of the main character Harry, and she is chosen to be on a game show in the beginning of the movie. Sara is a kindly lady, and decides she wants to fit into her nice dress for the game show and gets prescribed diet medicine. She becomes addicted to the medicine and begins to hallucinate, and doctors just keep giving her more pills until she is forced to undergo electroshock therapy. That’s why I never go to the doctor.

The Wrestler

Darren Aronofsky has a knack for depressing movies, as he directed Requiem for a Dream as well as The Wrestler. The Wrestler was a great movie the revamped Mickey Rourke’s career with his portrayal of Randy “The Ram” Robinson, a wrestler who used to be a big star. His career has caused him health problems due to steroid use, but, perhaps more depressingly, it has also ruined his relationship with his daughter. Just when he seems to be recapturing both his career and his daughter’s love, he screws it all up by banging a club slut instead of visiting his daughter and continuing to wrestle after a heart attack. It is a sad look into the life of a severely unhappy man.

Charly

Charly is an older movie based on the book Flowers for Algernon. The basic plot is that an experiment is performed on a mentally retarded man who can’t spell his own name that turns him into a super genius. With his increased intellect, Charlie learns his name is not spelled Charly, finds meaning in life, and also finds the love of his life. That’s when things go downhill as Charlie realizes the effects of the experiment are temporary and his IQ is dropping faster than a dead pigeon. He rejects an offer of proposal from his love and the movie ends with her watching Charlie playing on a playground, once again unable to spell his name.

12 Monkeys

In 12 Monkeys, Bruce Willis plays a convict from a virus ravaged future who is sent back in time to stop the virus from being released. He ends up in an insane asylum with Brad Pitt, who does a great job of being insane, and is also a prime suspect for releasing the virus. Will Bruce Willis be able to stop the release of the virus and save the future? No, he will not. He gets shot and killed right in front of his younger self and the future remains a virus ravaged hell hole.

I realize that reading about all these depressing movies can be somewhat depressing. That is why this post ends with an example of what is best in life. Enjoy.

Popularity: 5% [?]

We all know that Johnny Depp enjoys playing odd and somewhat eccentric characters in movies. He will be continuing along those lines when he voices the titular character in the animated movie Rango. Rango is basically set as a western with armadillos and lizards instead of ranchers and cowhands. Rango the chameleon has some sort of identity crisis as he decides he wants to be a hero and then realizes that means actually standing up to snakes and eagles. For those of you who don’t watch Animal Planet, snakes and eagles generally eat little lizards like Rango, so Rango will need to grow a John Wayne sized pair pretty fast.

Rango is still somewhat of a mystery, but from what we have seen so far it looks pretty good. The cast and crew bringing this movie together definitely give us reason to be hopeful. The voice talents include not only Johnny Depp, but Timothy Olyphant, Isla Fisher, and Alfred Molina. The director is Gore Verbinski, who also directed the first three Pirates of the Caribbean movies, so we can expect some quality. Check out the trailer below and see the potential Rango has.

Popularity: 2% [?]

Let’s get one thing straight, drugs are bad and people shouldn’t use them. With that out of the way, many movies based around drugs are absolutely fantastic. Drugs always seem to be able to add equal amounts of action, comedy, and drama to a movie. Some drug movies have focused more on the drama and danger of dealing drugs, while some movies focus on the comedy that can result from some drug use. The movies on this list have the drug theme in common, but they are all amazing as well.

Scarface

Scarface is probably the best known drug movie and made Al Pacino the star he is today. Al Pacino plays a young Cuban immigrant who is trying to follow the American Dream. Unfortunately that doesn’t work out very well, so he decides selling cocaine is the next best option. He does very well for himself by becoming an extremely ruthless man, killing anybody who stands in his way. That works until he starts using his own product and refuses to kill children. While it was the right decision morally, it wasn’t the right business decision and ends up getting him killed. Selling drugs doesn’t end well.

Half Baked

Dave Chappelle made a name for himself with Half Baked. This movie can’t be described as anything but hilarious. When one of four stoner friends gets arrested for killing a cop (he fed a diabetic police horse junk food), the other friends begins selling marijuana to raise enough money to get him out of jail. The plan goes well until they draw the attention of a rival drug dealer. That’s when things get serious (but remain hilarious). The moral of this movie is the love for a good woman is stronger than the love for drugs.

Blow

Johnny Depp is better known for his performances in the Pirates of the Caribbean series, but his performance in Blow was one of his best ever. He stars alongside Penelope Cruz as he makes his way from selling marijuana to running a cocaine empire. He gets it all along the way, money, cars, and the love of a beautiful woman, the aforementioned Penelope Cruz. In the end he can’t keep any of it as his family turns against him due to his chosen profession. The best part is this movie is based off of famed drug dealer George Jung’s life.

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Hunter S. Thompson wrote the novel Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas which was turned into this amazing movie with Johnny Depp. He likes his drug movies. The basic story is a reporter is sent to follow the Mint 400 motorcycle race in Las Vegas and decides that his time in Vegas is best spent experimenting with as many drugs as he possibly can. The various hallucinogens consumed throughout this movie provide many striking scenes and terrifying moments. Dr. Gonzo, the source of almost all of these drugs, has become a cult hero amongst many Hunter S. Thompson fans.

Requiem for a Dream

Requiem for a Dream is the movie every parent should show their child if they don’t want their kids to do drugs. Seriously, no kid will ever want to go anywhere near drugs after seeing this movie. It follows the great lengths drug addicts will go to to get their fix. Some of the characters resort to selling drugs and one even resorts to prostitution. There is no happy ending with any of the characters, even the lady addicted to prescription drugs ends up having to deal with electroshock therapy. She at least got to keep all of her limbs, unlike the main character. Remember kids, don’t do drugs.

Popularity: 6% [?]

Pixar has been one of the most successful studios since back in 1995 when they released the first Toy Story movie. It seems that every movie they have released has been ridiculously entertaining and brought in enough money to sink one hundred yachts. Pixar has only released eleven movies to date, but each one has been very memorable and brought smiles to the faces of children and, more impressively, their parents. Here are some of the best examples of Pixar movies.

Toy Story

Pixar released Toy Story way back in 1995, and the company couldn’t have had a better debut. Toy Story introduced us to Woody, Buzz, and the rest of the gang. What made Toy Story so successful was the fact that it proved animated movies could be enjoyed by both children and adults. In fact, Toy Story has become one of the best trilogies made. Each movie is fun to watch, but it was the original Toy Story that started it all.

Monsters, Inc.

Monsters, Inc. showed us the world of monsters. They hid in our closets and under our beds not because they wanted to eat us, but because they needed our terrified shrieks to power their cities. This system works well until top scarer Sulley and his friend Mike accidentally bring back a little human girl into the world of monsters. They do their best to protect her from other monsters and discover that a child’s laughter provides much more energy than their screams, prompting a change in monster tactics. The scene where Sulley takes the little girl home and has to say goodbye is one of the most touching in any movie.

Finding Nemo

Finding Nemo was a warning to overbearing parents. If you don’t let your child live their life then they will be kidnapped by Australian scuba divers, meet odd people, and have zany adventures. Of course, this only applies if you are a fish. Even with that moral aside, Finding Nemo was one of the best movies that Pixar has made. Ellen Degeneres’ character of Dory was particularly entertaining, but the best part was finding out that turtles aren’t slow, they’re just going with the flow, bro.

The Incredibles

The Incredibles was made back before superhero movies had started to gain popularity. This was no obstacle for Pixar though, as all they know how to do is make good movies. The Incredibles was somewhat of a parody of the Fantastic Four, and their were many allusions to famous comic book superheroes to please the fanboys. Adding Samuel L. Jackson as the ice powered hero Frozone was a nice touch.

Up

Pixar had a great amount of success with their movie Up. In fact, Up is one of only two animated movies to be nominated for an Academy Award for Best Picture. That is impressive by itself. Up is also one of the most touching movies Pixar has put out. The story follows an old man, Carl Fredricksen, following his dead wife’s last dream while being assisted by a young boy, Russell, trying to earn his Wilderness Explorer badge. Eventually Russell becomes the child Carl could never have with his wife.

Popularity: 9% [?]

I will admit that when I heard Seth Rogen was going to be starring in a Green Hornet remake I was a bit skeptical. Seth Rogen is hilarious and everything, but he just doesn’t seem like the hero type. I also couldn’t picture him in any sort of actual fight scene, especially after Pineapple Express. To my surprise, the trailer seems to prove me entirely wrong.

Seth Rogen has managed to keep his sense of humor throughout this movie alongside some major ass kicking scenes. If they can keep that balance shown in the trailer throughout the movie then I expect The Green Hornet to be a very entertaining movie. Seth Rogen’s one-liners do a great job of lightening the mood and Kato is the perfect straight man for his jokes. Jay Chou fills some big shoes as Kato, who was previously played by Bruce Lee. He looks like he will do a fine job just judging from the trailer, but we all know trailers can be misleading. I believe the success of this movie depends a lot on how well Jay Chou and Seth Rogen play off each other, and the trailer seems to show they do it very well.

I am actually surprised that the trailer turned out this well considering the troubles this movie has run into. Nicolas Cage dropped out, the script has been changed around, and directors have been shuffled around before Michael Gondry stepped up. Most movies that meet half of these problems turn out to be fairly atrocious, but hopefully The Green Hornet can buck that trend.

Popularity: 3% [?]

When we featured the Jonah Hex teazer trailer it was right around the time Iron Man 2 was due to be released. To be honest we all gave it some airtime only for one person. Yup Megan Fox, it seems if you don’t have confidence your movie will make bank get Megan Fox on board. We can’t blame them however.

As for the Jonah Hex, should you go and watch it? Critics reckon rather wait for the DVD, via RottenTomatoes

There’s a Director’s Cut version of Jonah Hex, right? Because this film feels like a series of bullet points disguised as a feature film.

There isn’t a single reason to see this movie.

Jonah Hex is not a good movie. Not by a long shot… But that didn’t stop me from having a hell of a lot of fun watching it.

To refresh your memory here’s the Trailer:

And onto Megan Fox at the premiere:

Popularity: 2% [?]

Before we start this article, you should be warned that there are a number of spoilers ahead. We will be discussing the twist endings of some movies, and these are rather vital parts of those movies. You have been warned. When it comes down to it, the ending is what makes or breaks a movie. A movie with a slow build up and an amazing end is remembered for that crescendo. A movie that has been good but has a disappointing ending will be remembered for the letdown. Directors use the twist ending to ensure there movie leaves the audience stunned and wanting more, unfortunately a good twist ending is hard to pull off. It has to be believable, but the audience can’t see it coming. Here are some examples of twist endings that made us do a double-take.

The Sixth Sense

M. Night Shyamalan is known for putting twist endings into his movies, even when a twist ending really isn’t necessary. It has even become a bit of a running joke with him. This started because of the popularity of the twist in The Sixth Sense. The movie started off alright, with Haley Joel Osment seeing dead people everywhere, and Bruce Willis shows up to help him with his problem. Things seemed to be getting better and BAM! Bruce Willis has been dead the whole time. That ending came in out of left field and took audiences by surprise, but Shyamalan left clues throughout the movie that make the ending seem obvious in repeat viewings. That’s how a twist ending is done, folks.

The Usual Suspects

Kevin Spacey plays a small time con man who is the last man standing in a crime gone wrong. The Usual Suspects details his account of what led up to the deaths of his fellow criminals as he is being interrogated by police. Spacey weaves an intricate tale of deceit and betrayal masterminded by a Mr. Kobayashi. Thinking that Spacey’s story has revealed the truth, the detective has no choice to let him go. He then notices that a surprising number of things in his office have the same names as people in Spacey’s story, including a coffee mug with a Kobayashi logo on it. Kevin Spacey was the mastermind criminal the entire time. The detective runs outside to catch him, but Spacey is long gone by then.

Scream

Scream started out as a typical slasher film. There was a guy in a costume going around killing douchey guys and shapely girls. It was entertaining, but most of the movie did very little to set it apart from other slasher films. Then we got to the ending and our world was turned upside down. We had just seen Shaggy from Scooby-Doo get chopped to pieces, but wait! He is actually the killer! He used corn syrup to fake his death. That’s not all though. It turns out there were two killers the entire time. You just can’t trust anybody these days.

Stephen King’s The Mist

It seems that Thomas Jane can’t be in movies without people he cares about getting killed. He was in The Punisher where his family was killed by the mob. He was in Deep Blue Sea where many of his friends and coworkers are eaten by sharks. Then came The Mist, with possibly the most depressing ending of all. The movie revolves around this other dimensional mist that has taken over a town and killed off most of the population. It seems that all is lost at the end of the movie with five survivors trapped in a truck, including Thomas Jane and his son. Jane has a gun with four bullets left and decides to kill the others so they don’t have to face the agony of the mist. After killing everyone else, Jane steps out of the truck to find the army waiting to rescue him. And that is why patience is a virtue.

The Descent

The Descent was one of the scariest movies made in quite a long time. It follows a group of female cave explorers who explore the wrong cave. The uncharted series of caverns and tunnels is the home to mutated miners who crave human flesh. The lady explorers must become animals themselves to survive as they begin to be killed one by one. Soon there is only one left, but she makes a daring escape! Oh, wait, no she didn’t. She hallucinated and is now surrounded by monsters who are going to eat her face.

Popularity: 20% [?]

Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole is in the running for 2010 movie with the most ridiculous title. That can be forgiven though, considering the movie is based of a series of books written by Kathryn Lasky for a younger audience. Kids are into their crazy sounding fantasy titles. The description of the plot is also kind of odd. It follows two young owls who fall out of a tree and are chased by the Pure Ones, evil birds. The young owls search for the Guardians of Ga’Hoole, warrior owls. Apparently owls are a very mischievous species when we are sleeping. Again, this plot can be forgiven because it is aimed towards kids.

So with this description of the movie, you are probably not very interested in going to see it. Well let me tell you right now that you should see this movie even if you don’t like the plot. The reason for this is because Legend of the Guardians looks absolutely fantastic. The owls have a ridiculous amount of detail on them. It is truly amazing to see how beautiful computer generated images can be. In my humble opinion, these graphics look better than the blue cat people in avatar. Check out the trailer below and see what technology can do.

Popularity: 1% [?]

With the opening of the World Cup, the world has gone into a soccer frenzy. Even we Americans, who usually ignore soccer for sports that we dominate, have alarms set for the USA vs. England match. Many of us have even learned the names of up to three players on the US team! With all this soccer excitement, it is the perfect time to look back on some great soccer movies. Soccer movies, like most sports movies, can be tremendously inspirational and entertaining, and these are some of the best.

Goal! The Dream Begins

When it comes to inspirational movies, it doesn’t get much better than Goal! The Dream Begins. This movie follows a young Mexican boy as his family first crosses the border into America and then as he is discovered for his great soccer talent. Not only is it awesome to see a young man’s dreams come true, but the game play scenes are phenomenal.

Bend it Like Beckham

Bend it Like Beckham is an example of how the world’s game can help people overcome racial differences. Jess is a young Indian woman who loves soccer, unfortunately her parents are very traditional and won’t allow her to play. Being a rebellious teenager, she goes behind their backs and joins a team anyways. When she has success with the sport, her parents come around. It just goes to prove that everybody loves a winner.

Victory

Sylvester Stallone is best known for taking down the Soviets in Rocky. A little known fact is that he also took down the Nazis, this time in soccer rather than boxing. Co-Star and soccer great Pele assures the allied soldier’s victory against the Nazis in a soccer match, while Stallone ensures the soldiers’ escape.

Shaolin Soccer

When it comes to pure entertainment, Shaolin Soccer is one of the greatest sports movies ever. It mixes martial arts, soccer, and ridiculous special effects to create a movie that features some of the most outrageous action to ever be seen on the pitch. Anytime a movie features players who can kick a soccer ball through brick walls, you know you’re in for a good time.

The Cup

The Cup is the story of a group of young Tibetan boys who search for a television on which to watch the 1998 World Cup. What could be a better way to spend your time while not watching the World Cup than watching a movie about watching the World Cup? If you are looking for a feel-good movie about soccer, The Cup is where it’s at.

Popularity: 1% [?]

A good cameo can greatly increase the entertainment value of a movie. When you see a big name star walk into the scene and just steal it, you know you have just seen a great movie. A good cameo is easily one of the most memorable parts of a movie, and invariably the part that is talked about when everyone leaves the theater. These are some of the best cameos in any movie with some stars who know how to steal a scene.

Tom Cruise – Tropic Thunder

Tom Cruise played a corrupt movie studio executive named Les Grossman. It was hilarious to see a ruthless businessman who was willing to sacrifice the lives of his actors and also enjoyed dancing to Flo-Rida’s song “Low”. The best part by far was seeing Tom Cruise simply acting crazy in a fat suit and bald cap.

Stan Lee – Mallrats

Stan Lee is now known for his various cameos in all the Marvel movies. He has portrayed a mailman, Larry King, and even Hugh Hefner in brief cameos. It all started back in the movie Mallrats when Stan Lee had a cameo as himself. He is worshipped by the main character, a big comic book fan. The highlight is when Stan Lee comments that the main character has an unnatural fixation on the genitals of comic book characters.

Bob Saget – Half Baked

Bob Saget is best known for his role as Uncle Danny on the show Full House. Full House was a family oriented show and Uncle Danny was a fairly mild mannered guy. Uncle Joey was the wild one. His history as such an innocent character made Bob Saget’s cameo in Half Baked that much more hilarious, as he talks about performing oral sex on men for drugs, and how you can’t be addicted to weed.

Neal Patrick Harris – Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle

Neal Patrick Harris had one the best cameos of all time when he played himself in Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. Of course the movie version of Neil Patrick Harris loves drinking, mushrooms, and strippers. He also ends up stealing the main characters’ car and going on a drug fueled joy ride. His cameo was so popular they even brought him back for the sequel.

Justin Long – Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Justin Long has one of the most crude cameos ever when he plays gay porn star Brandon St. Randy in Zack and Miri Make a Porno. It is also one of the funniest cameos ever. The way Brandon St. Randy professes his love for fellow gay porn star Bobby Long, played by Superman actor Brandon Routh, absolutely stole the show. We like to keep Humor District somewhat family friendly, so highlight below to see the raunchiest and funniest quote from Zack and Miri Make a Porno.

When asked if his movies are like Glengarry Glenn Ross, Brandon St. Randy replies: “Like ‘Glen and Gary suck Ross’s meaty cock and drop their hairy nuts in his eager mouth.’” That’s comedy.

Popularity: 1% [?]