Humor District

Chris Evans has been discussed a lot recently, mostly for his part as Jensen in the upcoming The Losers movie and his casting as Captain America in The First Avenger: Captain America. As you might have noticed, both of those movies are based off of comic books, which seem to be a recurring theme throughout Chris Evans’ career. Let’s take a look at some other comic book related roles Chris Evans has had over his career.

Johnny Storm/The Human Torch – Fantastic Four

Chris Evans broke into comic book movies with his role as Johnny Storm AKA The Human Torch in the Fantastic Four movies. Nobody will mistake the Fantastic Four franchise for good movies, but Evans was actually a perfect fit for Johnny Storm. He was a perfect mix of headstrong, playful, and loyal to pull the character off. Also, the ladies loved him. In his first comic book movie, Chris Evans was a bright spot in an otherwise mediocre film. He played Johnny Storm once again in the sequel, 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer, and while that movie was an improvement on the first, it still wasn’t good. Now that Chris Evans is going to be playing Captain America, don’t expect to see him around for any reboots of the Fantastic Four franchise.

Lucas Lee – Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World

Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World has not come out yet, but Chris Evans has jumped into this comic book movie as the character Lucas Lee, an evil skateboarder. This should be an interesting comic book role for Evans as we have not seen him play a villain yet, he’s always been one of the good guys. Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World is fairly lighthearted, so we should still be able to see Chris Evans’ playful side, especially considering the fact Lucas Lee is based off of skateboarder/actor Jason Lee. You might remember him from every Kevin Smith movie and My Name is Earl.

Nick Gant -Push

Push was not based off of a comic book, but it has super powered individuals and that is close enough for me. Push dealt with people who had powers like being able to see the future, yell loud enough to kill somebody, and move things with their minds. We actually got to see a more serious side of Evans in this movie as he played a more reluctant hero who didn’t have much of a sense of humor. Ladies still loved him. Push was enjoyable, not great, but it had plenty of scenes with Chris Evans either kicking ass or getting his ass kicked. It also featured Dakota Fanning being a creepy little girl.

Casey – TMNT

For those of you who don’t know, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles didn’t start out as a Saturday morning cartoon, but rather as a comic book created by Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird. The comic book is quite a bit darker than the cartoons and movies, and as expected TMNT did not get very dark. One of the darker characters in that movie, however, was  Casey. If you don’t remember he was the guy with the hockey stick and old school hockey mask who helped the turtles beat up other ninjas. If that didn’t clear things up for you, he was the turtles’ human friend who didn’t have breasts. Alright, now that we are all on the same page we can all agree that he did a good job in the movie as the angry guy who wasn’t Rafael. TMNT was definitely geared toward a younger audience, but Chris Evans and everyone else made it enjoyable for all audiences.

Captain America – The Avengers

All of Chris Evans’ comic roles have been leading up to this moment. After The First Avenger: Captain America, Chris Evans will be playing Captain America in the biggest comic book movie event ever. The Avengers will take all of the characters from the various Marvel movies we have seen and put them together as a team of superheroes. Chris Evans has arguably the most important role as Captain America, the leader of the team. We will have to wait and see if his experience in various roles in many comic book movies has prepared him for this moment.

Popularity: 15% [?]

Roger Ebert is still yet to review The Expendables. Grab our RSS Feed to be notified when he does, and we’ve published a few Expendable trailers which you can view here.

Now I don’t mean to use any harsh language, but Roger Ebert has proven himself to be a fuddy duddy. A 1/5 rating for Kick-Ass? Really? Now I hate to be the writer to make all the “Kick-Ass lived up to the name” references, but it can’t be helped, Kick-Ass truly did kick ass. It is just baffling that a comic book movie that can be legitimately compared to The Dark Knight and Iron Man in terms of quality would receive the lowest rating possible.

Let’s go over Mr. Ebert’s review. He seems to be thrown off by the high levels of violence in Kick-Ass, especially the violence by 11 year old Chloe Grace Moretz as Hit-Girl. Ebert seemed particularly offended that Hit-Girl got the crap beat out of her by a grown man. It was, admittedly, a little uncomfortable to watch a grown man pummel a little girl, but it fit in with the semi-realistic nature of the movie. Small children do not have the mass to fight fully grown gangsters in hand to hand combat. Look at this image from the Kick-Ass graphic novel and tell me the violence was not to be expected.

Yet, Mr. Ebert had no problem whatsoever with the over the top violence and gore in Kill Bill, even though that featured a young girl in a schoolgirl outfit named Gogo Gabari fighting with a spiked ball on a chain who was violently killed. In fact, Ebert gave Kill Bill a rating of 4/5.

Now I’m not trying to bring down Kill Bill, I thoroughly enjoyed both movies, I am just pointing out that Roger Ebert’s stance on violence against the youth seems to be a little uneven. It seems that Mr. Ebert is more likely to give somebody like Quentin Tarantino some leeway in reviews, while coming down hard on lesser known comic properties. This is truly a shame, as Kick-Ass could be starting a trend of great movies based off of less mainstream comics with movies like The Losers and Scott Pilgrim coming out.

Kick-Ass did not try and hide the nature of the movie. It’s name is Kick-Ass, of course there is going to be violence, especially since it is a semi-realistic view of what would happen if somebody dressed up as a superhero and tried to fight crime. They would most likely get their ass kicked. Even the trailer opened up with a man dressed in a falcon-like costume falling to his death. Kick-Ass did a great job mixing in humor into what on the outside seems like a pretty bleak world. Even Mr. Ebert had to admit that the movie started off hilariously. I was lucky enough to attend an advanced screening of Kick-Ass, and the entire audience was reacting to every scene. Almost everything that happened in the movie elicited some sort of reaction from the crowd, whether it was laughter, gasps, or appreciative oohs. The end, which Mr. Ebert claimed was dark and made him sad, still got a great positive reaction from the audience, and nobody could stop talking about Kick-Ass on their way out of the theater. I believe that is a far larger sign of a great movie than a review by Roger Ebert. In the end, a movie that draws that kind of positive reaction from the general audience is sure to be remembered as a good one. If you are interested in seeing a good movie, I highly recommend Kick-Ass, but be warned, it features violence and strong language, hence the “R” rating. Duh. Humor District gives Roger Ebert a rating of Looks Like a Woman and Kick-Ass a rating of 4/5.

Popularity: 6% [?]

Timothy Okyphant is the star of the new FX series, Justified. In Justified, Olyphant plays Raylan Givens, a US Marshall who has a habit of wearing a cowboy hat and straight up shooting every criminal he comes across. At the same time he is very polite and nice to the criminals right up until they are being taken to the coroner’s office. For some reason, that politeness just makes Timothy Olyphant seem even scarier. Well Justified isn’t the only time Olyphant has played a dude who could kick your ass from here to Timbuktu, here are some of his other ass kicking roles.

Agent 47 – Hitman

Timothy Olyphant almost made Hitman into an enjoyable movie, a big move considering it is one of those dreaded video game to movie projects. It was better than Doom at least. In Hitman, Timothy Olyphant plays Agent 47, a hitman who is framed into a job gone bad, or something along those lines. Basically Agent 47 gets a hit put out on him, has to kill other assassins, and reveal an evil Russian plot. As Agent 47, Timothy Olyphant shows that he can kill people equally well with rifles, machine pistols, and swords. It’s nice to see a well rounded assassin these days. Really, the only knock against Olyphant in this movie is that he didn’t get busy with Olga Kurylenko. He was too busy killing people to enjoy that hotness.

Kelly – The Girl Next Door

Now I know what you’re thinking, how can Timothy Olyphant be considered awesome in a movie where he has a girl’s name? By banging Elisha Cuthbert, that’s how. I know you would all change your names to Laverne if it meant you got to get with her. But I digress. In The Girl Next Door, Timothy Olyphant plays porno director Kelly, who gets to spend most of his time hanging out with naked ladies. To really seal up the greatness of the role, Timothy Olyphant also got to slap the crap out of Emile Hirsche.

Nick – A Perfect Getaway

What is made of titanium and survives a bullet to the head. If you answered The Terminator, I wouldn’t blame you. It is in fact Nick, Timothy Olyphant’s character in A Perfect Getaway. He plays an Iraq War Veteran with a titanium plate in his head and he hunts his own food while on vacation in Hawaii. That sounds pretty bad ass on its own, but then he gets shot. In the head. For most movie characters who aren’t Arnold Schwarzenegger, this means your role in the movie is over. Not for Timothy Olyphant. For him it is a mild inconvenience that allows him to rest up before he jumps off of a cliff and stabs somebody. Think about that the next time you stub your toe.

Hollywood Jack – A Man Apart

I’ll be honest with you, I have not seen this movie. I hear it stars Vin Diesel, has Mexican drug lords, and is really not very good. At all. I just couldn’t leave the fact that Timothy Olyphant played a character named Hollywood Jack off of this list.

Sheriff David Dutton – The Crazies

There are few things cooler than a cop who is allowed to go around shooting whoever he wants. That’s why Clint Eastwood will always be remembered as Dirty Harry. Timothy Olyphant is less loose cannon and more survivor as Sheriff David Dutton in The Crazies. He goes from average small town cop to shooting everyone in sight pretty early on in the movie, starting when a rifle wielding farmer interrupts a local ball game. Throughout the movie Olyphant racks up a fairly impressive kill count as he tries to reach safety with his wife and deputy. The only drawback is how often he himself needs saving, but he makes up for it by being Timothy Olyphant.

Raylan Givens – Justified

Keeping to the theme off cops shooting people, we have Raylan Givens as the last entry on this list. Timothy Olyphant does a great job as the super polite Raylan Givens, who also happens to be the quickest draw in the west, east, north, and south. What makes this character stand out as a true bad ass is the fact that he often warns criminals that he will shoot them the next time he sees them and gives them the option to get out of town. Apparently Raylan Givens watched a lot of spaghetti westerns when he was growing up. Invariably, the criminals he warns to get out of town never leave. He then sees them and, as promised, shoots them. The best part of the show is how everybody kind of uncomfortably tries to tell him he really isn’t allowed to just shoot every criminal he comes across. Then Raylan Givens just smiles, tips his cowboy hat, and leaves to go shoot some more bad guys.

Popularity: 4% [?]

Other overused phrases include:

- I got a bad feeling about this

- I don’t know are talking about

- I don’t know what are you talking about

Any others?

[via /Film]

Popularity: 1% [?]

The Losers is the latest comic book to be made into a movie, and it is shaping up to be an entertaining movie. Chirs Evans will be particularly interesting as he plays the character Jensen, a wise-cracking tech expert who can also kill you very easily. It’s like his role as the Human Torch in Fantastic Four, except less moody, more hilarious, and hopefully in a movie that doesn’t suck. Check out the trailer for yourself, it looks pretty good.

What makes this role particularly interesting for Chris Evans, is the fact that he will soon be suiting up as Captain America. Judging from the trailer, Chris Evans looks the part for Steve Rogers, but he might have to bulk up a little bit before he starts defending our freedom as Captain America. It also seems like he will have to reign in the comedy a bit, Cap is a pretty serious guy.

Getting back to The Losers, it will also be interesting to see Cougar, one of the coolest snipers ever. What most people are probably excited about, however, is the fact that Zoe Saldana will be playing Aisha. Zoe Saldana is pretty damn hot, even when she was a CG blue cat person in Avatar. I will probably go see any movie featuring this:

Popularity: 3% [?]

You might have heard of this guy, Seth MacFarlane. He works on a couple animated TV shows, Family Guy, American Dad, and The Cleveland show. I guess some people watch them. He was also Dr. Johann Krauss in Hellboy 2: The Golden Army. Yeah, you totally remember him from that and not Family Guy. The man has practically taken over animated comedy on television, with all due respect to The Simpsons and South Park, and MacFarlane is now attempting to expand that domination to the big screen.

Seth Macfarlane has sold his movie, Ted, to Universal Studios. Details on this movie are slim, but apparently Ted will be about a man and his teddy bear and be done with a mix of live action and CGI. It will also have an “R” rating, so be prepared for some off color humor. Of course if you are a fan of Seth MacFarlane’s you already know the irreverent and offensive is what MacFarlane does best.

Popularity: 5% [?]

It is a known fact that every kid who has ever existed has gone through some point in their life when they were obsessed with dinosaurs. If you add dinosaurs to anything, it automatically makes it better. Let’s take a look at some examples. Transformers + Dinosaur = Grimlock, the coolest Transformer ever. Douchey Guy Pooping + Dinosaur = Great Scene in Jurassic Park. Me + Dinosaur = Supreme Ruler of the Galaxy. I think you get the point. To further back this up, let’s take a look at some great movies about dinosaurs.

Jurassic Park

When did you first learn the word velociraptor? If you learned it before Jurassic Park came out you are either a paleontologist or a liar. Paleontologists are too busy searching for fossils while daydreaming about riding upon sauropods to be reading this article, so you are a liar. That is the kind of impact that Jurassic Park had on our society, it taught us all a new vocabulary word that has been seared into our collective conscious. Also, it had that aforementioned scene where the pooping guy got eaten by a tyrannosaurus. The dinosaurs were lifelike enough for us to buy into the movie and actually wonder how screwed we would be if a pack of velociraptors hunted us down.

The Land Before Time

We all remember the first time we were introduced to Littlefoot, Petrie, and the rest of the prehistoric little rascals. This series remains a classic despite the terrible sequels that have been made. We even grew to love that gruff old Cera. What we had here was the perfect combination for a young audience. Kids are boring, they can’t do much, therefore they love to see other fictional kids having awesome adventures and live vicariously through them. Also, kids love dinosaurs. Seriously, if you ask a group of 10 5 year olds what they want to be when they grow up, 9 of them will say some sort of dinosaur and shun the loser who said a lawyer. The Land Before Time had kids who were also dinosaurs having adventures. It was all of our dreams come true. Plus we were all kind of curious what would happen if Littlefoot and Cera did it. You know there was some romantic tension there.

We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story

After The Land Before Time came out, we didn’t think it could get any better. Well guess what, it did. We got a sort of grown up version of The Land Before Time with We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story. Rather than having kids live out their fantasies with dinosaurs, We’re Back had kids who were friends with talking dinosaurs. This was so much better, we still got our adventure, we could tell dinosaurs what to do, and we still had opposable thumbs in our fantasies. In this movie, we also got to see what happens when the dinosaurs turn against, a little sneak peak at Jurassic Park if you will. Of course in this version our bonds of friendship with the dinosaurs were so strong we were able to talk them out of a murderous rampage. There is only one way this could possibly be improved on.

Transformers 3: Grimlock Eats Sam Witwicky’s Parents

This movie has not been made yet, but I am currently sending in numerous manuscripts to Michael Bay in order to make this a reality. This could become the greatest dinosaur movie of all time because of the shocking twist: the dinosaur is also an alien robot. That is known as the trifecta right there. Imagine the opening scene with the Witwicky parents making awkward comments about old people sex or something like they usually do. All of a sudden Grimlock tears the roof off of their house and just swallows them whole. We are trying to keep the PG-13 rating, or else he would bite them in half. You’ll have to wait until the unrated DVD comes out for that version. The rest of the movie would be Grimlock destroying everything, even Optimus Prime would not be able to contain Grimlock’s primal fury. Shia LaBeouf runs around with Megan Fox trying not to get stepped on and is essentially useless. Somehow Megan Fox’s shirt gets wet. Closing scene: Megan Fox is standing on top of Grimlock’s head as he gives out a triumphant roar. He stands upon the burning wreckage of some well known building as there is a gigantic explosion in the background. Megan Fox’s shirt is still wet. That is what is known as Oscar material. Seriously, Michael Bay, write me back.

Popularity: 5% [?]

We already showed you the Nightmare on Elm Street poster for the upcoming remake, and that alone showed that Jackie Earle Haley is going to scare the crap out of us as Freddy Krueger. This new A Nightmare on Elm Street trailer lives up to that poster and takes the scare factor one step higher. After watching this I have decided to just stay up all night and leave all the lights on.

Jackie Earle Haley seems more and more like the perfect casting choice for A Nightmare on Elm Street. He uses the same voice he did when he played Rorschach in Watchmen, but it sounds far creepier coming from Freddy. The dream sequences seem pretty creative, there are some attractive ladies, and the shot of the two little girls might have been scarier than anything else in that trailer. Little kids are straight evil. Anyways, if the movie lives up to the trailer, I would not be surprised if Jackie Earle Haley returned for many more Nightmare sequels. Enjoy the trailer, and good luck going to sleep.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Since it was released at the San Francisco WonderCon the Resident Evil: Afterlife teaser trailer has made it’s way online. If anything Milla Jovovich and Ali Larter are going to carry this film all the way to the bank. It all looks rather ‘samey’, there’s are a number of Matrix inspired scenes and the promise for the use of “Most Advanced 3D Engine EVER!”.

Who’s going to go watch this? Resident Evil fans, that’s like 1000 at most. And Milla Jovovich fans, every guy on the planet minus the middle east, they more into the cloaked femme-fatale variety… Batwoman.

Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 1% [?]

Hollywood has often taken great books and transformed them into movies, mainly because it easier to make money since the books already have loyal followers. This has had mixed results, with some classic movies like Fight Club and the Lord of the Rings trilogy, while other movies based on books have completely flopped, such as every single movie based on The Scarlet Letter. It takes a certain kind of book to survive the transition to the big screen, and it takes a good crew and actors to do the books justice. All in all, it is a tricky thing to attempt, but I believe these 7 books could make great movies, as long as they were handled correctly.

Nightbringer – Graham McNeill

Nightbringer is a novel set in the Warhammer 40,000 universe, which would already bring in a devoted fan following to its movie counterpart. Nightbringer is about Space Marines, genetically altered human warriors, killing some evil alien pirates in space. That already sounds like the type of sci-fi movie guys would want to go see, and that’s only the first half of the book. The true threat, an extremely ancient alien race that devours suns, is revealed towards the end, and the space marines must do whatever it takes to save the galaxy. It has been a while since there has been a good quality straightforward sci-fi movie that just involves some highly trained soldiers duking it out with their alien counterparts. A good visceral sci-fi movie is just what we need after seeing blue cat people hug trees.  

American Gods – Neil Gaiman

Neil Gaiman is one of the premier authors of our age, and American Gods is arguably his best novel. American Gods takes a hard look at how the Gods of antiquity, such as Anansi, Odin, and Anubis, are being replaced as we begin to worship new Gods, such as The Intangibles, Technical Boy, and Media. The most famous quote in the book is “This is a bad land for Gods,” said by the main character Shadow about Gods in America. These are the kinds of topics that interest people, and the twist at the end of the book is better than anything M. Night  Shyamalan has produced. There are also some action sequences that could look amazing on the big screen, especially when Shadow traverses the realm of the Gods. 

Good Omens – Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett

As 2012 draws closer, we are seeing more and more movies about the desperate struggle of people trying to survive the end of the world. Good Omens could capitalize on the end of the world craze while taking it in a whole new direction. Gaiman and Pratchett worked together marvelously to produce what is undoubtedly the funniest satirical take on the end of the world as we know it. The Anti-Christ ends up with a nice family, his demon dog is actually a little puppy, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse have modern day jobs, all these seemingly absurd pieces come together to form a hilarious but thoughtful picture on society. Some good actors would be able to deliver some very memorable speeches and one-liners in a movie version of this book

 Trollslayer – William King

Trollslayer is a fantasy novel about a Dwarf, Gotrek, who was vowed to die a glorious death fighting evil beasts due to some past dishonor, and his human companion, Felix, who drunkenly vowed to follow the dwarf wherever he goes to record his doom in an epic poem. Gotrek is a gruff warrior who is quicker to fight than he is to speak, and Felix is caught up in the events around him. What could make this book a great movie is not only the action, but the fact that it is the first in a series of books. Throughout the series there is a lot of character growth, a twisting plot with recurring side characters and villains, and lots and lots of action. This is pretty much everything you need for a good movie series, as long as a ruggedly handsome actor was cast as Felix, you know, for the ladies.

Storm Front – Jim Butcher

Storm Front is also the first of a series of books, following modern day wizard and private investigator, Harry Dresden. The books are written with a dry wit that would be absolutely hilarious as Dresden has mastered the art of the understatement while being attacked by horrific creatures. This series could also capitalize on the popularity of werewolves and vampires in modern culture, as Harry Dresden has gone up against both of them, and not the twinkle in sunlight kind either. While it is true that there was a television show based on these books, it was low production quality and did not have the best actors. When done right, these books could be turned into a modern day fantasy series that could easily become very popular. 

Jhereg – Steven Brust

To finish this list off, we will add some balance and add the third book that is part of a series. Jhereg is the first book in the Vlad Taltos series, and follows the thief, enforcer, and assassin Vlad Taltos as he tries to work his way up the societal ranks. The kicker is that he is a human, and looked down upon by the larger and longer living Dragearans. Taltos uses his wits, cunning, and blades to keep himself safe, and he does indeed move up and gain some influential friends as the series progresses, is forced to live as an outcast, and goes on a variety of misadventures. This is another book that could be turned into a fantasy movie for the ages with the right production quality.  

Popularity: 21% [?]