Humor District

Mel Gibson will be starring in an upcoming movie hilariously titled The Beaver. The Beaver has Mel Gibson as a cripplingly depressed man estranged from his family who will only talk to people through a beaver puppet. I personally thought that the first jokes about this movie would be about Mel Gibson being elbow deep in a beaver, but I guess I am just crude. It seems the folks over at Funny or Die have decided to take a different approach. Before we look at the altered trailer, look over the original.

I guess if you have a pretty morbid sense of humor, the original trailer is pretty funny. Similarly funny in a messed up way were Mel Gibson’s rants against the mother of his child, Oksana Grigorieva. What better way to create hilarity than mixing the two together? Be warned, the following trailer contains a lot of offensive language and references to oral sex. If you aren’t into that kind of thing, here is a website you might enjoy more. For those of you who like to laugh, Funny or Die presents The Beaver.

Popularity: 1% [?]

As you have probably noticed, Thanksgiving has come and gone. That of course means we have been inundated with everything Christmas related. From television to the radio to our showoff neighbor’s front yard, there is no escaping the holiday season. Television specials might be the guiltiest party, whether it is Christmas themed specials of shows or the same Christmas movies played over and over starting the day after Thanksgiving. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m no Grinch. Some of these Christmas Specials are true holiday classics that can be enjoyed each and every year. Others are abominations that make me want to tell children everywhere there is no Santa so that we stop celebrating Christmas and never have to see these terrible Christmas themed movies ever again. Here are some of the worst.

The Star Wars Holiday Special

Do you speak Wookie? if you answered that question with a yes, please contact me, because I would really like to know what was said during the long conversations the Wookies have in The Star Wars Holiday Special that didn’t even have subtitles. I would also like to know what Bea Arthur was doing there and why Han Solo feels like hugging everything instead of being the gruff rebel who shoots first that we have come to know and love. The only thing The Star Wars Holiday Special does is leave me with questions, the biggest one being why this was ever allowed to be made. It makes Jar Jar Binks seem like a good idea by comparison.

A Chipmunk Christmas

A Chipmunk Christmas started off like a pretty generic Christmas special. Alvin and the chipmunks sing a myriad of joyful Christmas songs, Dave yells a lot, people get hugs and presents, pretty standard Christmas fare. The twist here is how Alvin learns that he shouldn’t be so greedy during the Christmas season. A child dying of cholera teaches Alvin the true meaning of Christmas. That is just messed up, kids dying, especially kids dying of freaking cholera, should not be portrayed in Christmas specials which are obviously aimed towards kids. I guess we should be happy the chipmunks didn’t burst into song about the debilitating effects of cholera.

The Smurfs Christmas Special

First off, The Smurfs were terrible already. Why they are making a Smurfs movie is beyond me, but back to the point. You remember how the Chipmunks Christmas Special had a kid with cholera in it? Well the Smurfs start their bit of holiday cheer off by killing a kid’s grandfather in a sleigh crash. Merry Christmas! I could probably get past that, we can just assume the grandfather had lived a long and fulfilled life. What I can’t forgive is how the Smurfs constantly sing songs that are just four poorly written lines repeated over and over and over. I wish Gargamel had eaten every single one of those blue idiots.

He-Man and She-Ra: A Christmas Special

He-Man and She-Ra had cartoons for the sole purpose of selling their action figures. It comes as no surprise that He-Man and She-Ra would try to collect on the holiday season and do some cross promoting. What does come as a surprise is the fact that instead of beating Skeletor to a bloody pulp, He-Man and She-Ra teach him the importance of caring about others. He is Skeletor! He doesn’t care about anything except conquering Eternia! I call shenanigans right now. I guess the real weird part of this Christmas special is the two kids from earth hanging out with a muscular guy who obviously waxes his chest and wears nothing but a speedo at all times, but we won’t get into that right now.

Popularity: 2% [?]

Leslie Nielsen is one of the funniest men Hollywood has ever seen and will definitely be missed. His death leaves us without one of the most entertaining actors of our generation. Nielsen’s deadpan style of humor has appeared in a ridiculous number of movies, many of which are classics that everybody should see at least once in their lifetime. While Leslie Nielsen is best known for his comedic routines, he actually started his career as a more dramatic actor. Let’s take some time to look back over Nielsen’s career.

Leslie Nielsen in Forbidden Planet

The beginning of Leslie Nielsen’s career involved a lot of work on television shows and doing narrations for documentaries. His first big role was in Forbidden Planet in 1956, a sci-fi thriller that landed Nielsen leading roles in a number of other serious movies. Some of the highlights from his early career in movies included The Vagabond King, Ransom!, and Hot Summer Night. Nielsen spent many years as a respected actor, but it wasn’t until 1980 that he became the comedic icon that he is today.

Leslie Nielsen in Airplane

Leslie Nielsen’s career took a drastic turn in 1980 with the release of Airplane. Airplane was not only a great comedy in general, it also perfectly displayed Nielsen’s amazing deadpan comedic abilities. His response to question “surely you can’t be serious?” has become one of the most well known lines in movie history. Even people who haven’t seen Airplane know the line “I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley.” His success in Airplane landed Nielsen a role in the police movie parody The Naked Gun. Somehow Nielsen’s performance in The Naked Gun and the various sequels is still more entertaining than seeing OJ Simpson make an attempt at acting. After 1980, Leslie Nielsen cemented his place as one of the greatest comedic actors of all time.

Leslie Nielsen in Scary Movie 3

While Leslie Nielsen’s later movies didn’t have the same impact as Airplane or The Naked Gun, he still managed to make us laugh. Later in his career, he basically just did parody movies. While the quality of these movies weren’t always impressive, Nielsen still managed to make us laugh. One of his best later roles came in Scary Movie 3. It was so good that he was asked to come back for Scary Movie 4. One of his last roles was as a spoof of Spider-Man’s uncle Ben in Superhero Movie. While the parody movies themselves might not be missed, Leslie Nielsen most certainly will.

Popularity: 4% [?]

In a recent interview with E! Christian Bale revealed that he does not currently have plans on reprising his role as Batman beyond The Dark Knight Rises. Before you start crying into your pillows, there are several things that need to be looked at here. First off, it appears that Christian Bale’s connection to Batman will only last as long as Christopher Nolan’s connection to the Batman franchise. As of right now it appears that Christopher Nolan is only planning on doing the three Batman movies, with The Dark Knight Rises being his last. Then again, Christopher Nolan is famously secretive, so who knows what his real plans are. For all we know, Nolan is planning on doing ten more Batman movies with Christian Bale. While that is unlikely, it is possible.

Secondly, the Batman franchise has been ridiculously successful, especially The Dark Knight. That means that no matter what happens, you can be fairly confident in betting there will be multiple Batman movies in the future. This doesn’t necessarily mean that Nolan and Bale will be involved. They have been great in the first two Batman movies, but they don’t seem like the types to continue working on a franchise just to churn out sequels and make money. Basically I am saying they actually have integrity. If they don’t feel like they can put out a quality movie, they most likely won’t do it. This is excellent news for the Batman movies they do make, but poor news for those who want to see continual installments in this franchise. Overall, it looks as though this could very well be the last Batman movie we see with Christian Bale in the suit and Christopher Nolan at the helm, but only time can tell.

Popularity: 7% [?]

Eastbound and Down is one of the best shows on television. Danny McBride is crude, vulgar, and absolutely hilarious. It seems that the new movie Your Highness will be relying on a similar formula, and after watching the trailer I think it will be quite successful. First, let’s take a look at the cast. Four of the main characters are Danny McBride, James Franco, Natalie Portman, and Zooey Deschanel. We have the comedy covered by McBride and Franco and the pure hotness covered by Natalie Portman and Zooey Deschanel. Oh, and they are all good actors, but I don’t think good acting will have too much of a place in this movie. The director is David Gordon Green, who you may remember as the director of Pineapple Express. So yeah, this movie will be extremely entertaining, but probably won’t qualify as a cinematic masterpiece. And if you need anymore convincing to watch this trailer, just know this: it has Natalie Portman in a thong. I can write anything I want from here on out because I know you aren’t still reading this after that last sentence.

If you are not laughing after that you must have recently suffered some great tragedy, and I am sorry for your loss. For the rest of us, that trailer leaves us anxiously awaiting April 2011 when Your Highness will be released in theaters.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Ryan Reynolds has basically become synonymous with comic book movies. He played Hannibal King in Blade Trinity, was rumored to be the Flash, played Deadpool in X-Men Origins: Wolverine, and is Hal Jordan AKA Green Lantern in the upcoming film of the same name. Oh yeah, he is also married to Scarlett Johansson, also known as the Black Widow. In case you forgot, she looks like this:

But enough about Scarlett Johansson, the amazingly sexy wife of Ryan Reynolds. We are focusing on Ryan Reynolds newest movie, Green Lantern, which DC is hoping will be as successful as the Batman franchise under Christopher Nolan. Fans were given a first glimpse of the movie at San Diego Comic Con 2010, but in all honesty that glimpse really didn’t reveal much of anything. Entertainment Tonight has a preview of Green Lantern coming up that will show some more scenes from the movie with completed special effects, and Ryan Reynolds using his power ring. They have also been kind enough to give us a preview of their preview. You can watch the full preview November 16th, but until then enjoy this preview of a preview. It’s entertaining, I promise.

Popularity: 16% [?]

Have you ever tried to parallel park? It can be a little bit challenging. How about dodging obstacles while driving down narrow streets at high speeds as people chase behind you spraying machine gun fire? Yeah, that’s a bit harder than parallel parking. It is this difficulty level that makes high speed car chases so fun to watch in movies. Everyone and their grandmother is a professional driver who can make hairpin turns at 90 mph while returning fire on their chasers. Nothing gets the adrenaline going like the throaty roar of a car being pushed to its limits, and a good car chase can really bring a movie together. Here are some of the best.

Gone in 60 Seconds

Both the 2000 Nicholas Cage remake and the 1974 original are amazing movies with multiple great car chase scenes. The plot of the movies is a group of carjackers attempting to steal a large amount of cars, so yeah, that story lends itself to multiple car chases. The highlight of both movies is Eleanor, the 1967 Mustang GT500, or 1973 Mach 1 Mustang depending on which version you are watching. Both Mustangs lead the police on a wild chase, causing massive property destruction and multiple car pileups, all at the cost of poor Eleanor. Either one of these movies is sure to fill your desire for car chases and explosions.

Vanishing Point

If you love classic American muscle cars, you will go crazy for 1971′s Vanishing Point. The 1970 Dodge Challenger the main character, Kowalski, drives throughout the film is absolutely gorgeous. This movie is basically one giant car chase, as Kowalski is hired to deliver the Challenger from Denver, Colorado to San Francisco, California. While Kowalski actually has several days to make the delivery, he decides it would be a lot more fun to buy some speed and make the trip in a day. Of course this leads to an epic police chase and a destructive climax. Disclaimer, doing large amounts of speed and driving cross country is only cool in movies.

The Fast and the Furious

Oh, Vin Diesel. You were totally relevant back in 2001 when The Fast and the Furious came out. Michelle Rodriguez and Jordana Brewster also looked really good in it. The part of the movie actually pertinent to this article is how The Fast and the Furious made drag racing popular. The many drag racing scenes were pretty cool on their own, and then the drag races became souped up cars running down semi trucks as the truck drivers shot at them with shotguns. Oh you crazy truck drivers, always taking the law into your own hands. The car chase scenes were so good that people got confused and thought Paul Walker was actually a good actor.

Smokey and the Bandit

You know Smokey and the Bandit was a great movie because it propelled Burt Reynolds to the height of stardom. Burt Reynolds plays the character Bandit, whose job is to attract the attention of the smokeys, AKA police, so his friend can bootleg beer across state borders. This involves driving ridiculously fast in a black Pontiac Trans Am so all the police chase him. Burt Reynolds being Burt Reynolds means that he also manages to pick up a runaway bride on his way. If you ever wondered why black Trans Ams with the phoenix painted on the hood were so popular for a little while, it was because every man wants to be Burt Reynolds.

The French Connection

Unlike the other movies on this list, The French Connection isn’t centered around cars. It is actually more of a cop movie, following a drug smuggling operation from France to New York. This movie makes the list with one of the greatest chase scenes in history. There were accidental collisions that were left in the movie, tight cornering, and a woman almost gets run over. No explanation I can give would do this scene justice, so just watch it and be amazed.

Now compare this to what an actual car chase looks like. Yeah, movies make everything awesome.

Popularity: 8% [?]

Sports stars are about as recognizable as movie stars these days. We put the Kobe Bryants right up there with the Tom Cruises of the world, so it comes as no surprise that many movies bring in famous sports stars for cameos. Sometimes this leads to awkward onscreen moments, as some sports stars were never meant to be actors. Others see their brief amount of screen time as a great opportunity, and seize it with as much enthusiasm and skill as they would a game winning shot. We will focus on these surprisingly entertaining cameos by sports stars, who proved they don’t need to be on the field to entertain us.

Mike Tyson – The Hangover

One of the most recent cameos by a sports star is also one of the most memorable. First off, The Hangover was hilarious on its own. The Mike Tyson cameo was just icing on the cake. Mike Tyson is a pretty interesting guy, what with his outlandish antics in real life, such as biting the ear off of a boxing opponent, and his high pitched voice is hilarious given the giant body it is coming from. All this made him a perfect choice to be in the over the top comedy The Hangover. The interesting part is Mike Tyson is such an over the top character in real life, his cameo almost seemed tame by comparison.

Lance Armstrong – Dodgeball

Lance Armstrong is most likely the one cyclist who everybody in America knows. His battle and ultimate triumph over testicular cancer is a well known tale that has been oft repeated. The most hilarious repeating of this tale was during Lance Armstrong’s cameo in the movie Dodgeball. Vince Vaughn’s character is feeling down in the dumps, and is getting ready to abandon his dodgeball team when they are in the finals. That’s when he runs into Lance Armstrong, who tells his story of overcoming hardship. This of course makes Vince Vaughn feel like a whiny bitch and return to his team.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar – Airplane

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is one of the best basketball players of all time. The man was ridiculously good at putting the basketball through the hoop, and that talent made him extremely famous, especially at the time Airplane came out. Airplane played off his celebrity status hilariously by having him play a co-pilot who happened to look exactly like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Of course everybody who sees him recognizes this co-pilot as Kareem, much to this anonymous co-pilot’s chagrin.

Brett Favre – There’s Something About Mary

Back before Brett Favre had retired and returned 12 times and (allegedly) sent pictures of his penis to an attractive lady staff member, he was fairly beloved by all NFL fans. He was the young gunslinger who took chances and had fun on the gridiron. His morals were unquestioned, he was the epitome of the Southern grown good boy. This reputation made his cameo in There’s Something About Mary that much more entertaining, as he shows up at Cameron Diaz’s door as a forlorn former lover who wants her back. Honestly, I totally think she should have picked him over Ben Stiller.

John McEnroe – Mr. Deeds

John McEnroe is famous for being the bad boy of tennis. Back when short shorts were fashionable, McEnroe made a name for himself on the tennis court by throwing temper tantrums, verbally abusing officials, and occasionally winning matches. Mr. Deeds had him play off this outrageous behavior by going on a wild bender with Adam Sandler. The two spent a night drinking heavily, throwing eggs at cars, and presumably stealing candy from babies. Yeah, John McEnroe can be a bad boy off the court as well.

Popularity: 1% [?]

The title says it all, this is Harry Hanrahan’s latest brilliant video edit, a compilation of The 100 Greatest Movie Insults of All Time.

0’00 – Roxanne, Adventures of Priscilla Queen of the Desert, Gleaming the Cube, The Princess Bride, A Fish Called Wanda, Star Wars, The Wizard of Oz, Casino, Three Amigos, A Clockwork Orange
1’05 – Dolemite, Glengarry Glen Ross, Bad Santa, The Witches of Eastwick, The Big Lebowski, In Bruges, Full Metal Jacket, There Will Be Blood
2’05 – Toy Story, Casablanca, Encino Man, The Women, Predator, Army of Darkness, They Live, Uncle Buck, Big Trouble in Little China, New Jack City, Billy Madison
3’00 – Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, The Departed, Carlito’s Way, In the Loop, Glengarry Glen Ross, Stand By Me, Grosse Pointe Blank, Duck Soup, Caddyshack, Planes Trains & Automobiles
4’00 – South Park, Napoleon Dynamite, Mean Girls, The Breakfast Club, As Good as It Gets, The 6th Day, Step Brothers, O Brother Where Art Thou?, Full Metal Jacket, City Slickers, Road House, True Grit, Shot Circuit
5’00 – Raging Bull, The Usual Suspects, Snatch, Caddyshack, The Last Boy Scout, Ghostbusters, The Sandlot, As Good as It Gets
6’00 – 48 Hrs, In Bruges, Silver Streak, Glengarry Glen Ross, A Fish Called Wanda, Goodfellas, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, The Mist, Trading Places
7’00 – The Warriors, Point Break, Gangs of New York, Reservoir Dogs, The Breakfast Club, The Cowboys, Full Metal Jacket, Dodgeball, Donnie Darko, Scarface, The Good the Bad and the Ugly
8’00 – Anchorman, Tropic Thunder, Sexy Beast, In the Loop, Get Shorty, Blazing Saddles, The Way of the Gun, Blade: Trinity, Clerks, The Boondock Saints, The Exorcist, What About Bob?, Weird Science
9’00 – Con Air, True Romance, In the Loop, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Lake Placid, The Front, Gone with the Wind

[via Pajiba]

Popularity: 3% [?]

The previous installments in Christopher Nolan’s Batman franchise haven’t had much focus on female characters. The only female of any importance has been Rachel Dawes, who has been portrayed by Katie Holmes and Maggie Gyllenhaal. I don’t think we will be seeing either of them as Rachel Dawes in The Dark Knight Rises considering the many pieces she was in after The Dark Knight, courtesy of the Joker. It seems that Christopher Nolan has decided that there needs to be more of a woman’s touch in his next movie to compliment the sheer manliness of Christian Bale as Batman. It also seems like Commissioner Gordon might be getting a new lady friend.

According to Comic Book Movie, the script for The Dark Knight Rises features twice the number of women than seen in previous Batman movies. That brings the total for the next movie to two female characters! These ladies in question are Detective Sarah Essen and Julie Madison. Those of you who are familiar with the comics may remember Sarah Essen as Jim Gordon’s love interest, but he is already married with children in the previous Batman movies. Will Jim Gordon be having some extracurricular activities going on? It is rumored that Charlize Theron has been approached for the role of Sarah Essen.

Of course Batman can’t go without a damsel in distress to save, so Julie Madison makes sense as a character. She is basically a rich girl who falls in love with Bruce Wayne and seems to get captured by villains a lot. She has actually been in comic books and a previous Batman movie, just not one of Nolan’s. This gives Batman something to do in the evenings, and allows Christopher Nolan to cast some eye candy for the male masses. Of course this is still all rumor at this point, but it sure would be nice to see some more ladies with a prominent role in the Batman franchise.

Popularity: 7% [?]