Humor District

It seems like the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise is going to be one of those movie franchises that will be milked for every last cent the studio can get out of it, despite the fact the movies have gone downhill since the first one. The one constant that Disney is counting on is Johnny Depp being entertaining as hell as Captain Jack Sparrow. The upcoming movie, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, will be the first installment in the franchise without Keira Knightley as Elizabeth Swann or Orlando Bloom as Will Turner. I’m not too upset by the loss of Orlando Bloom, but losing Keira Knightley is a little upsetting. She was by far the most attractive member of the cast. Filling in for Orlando Bloom will be nobody, that way Keira Knightley’s replacement, the smoking hot Penelope Cruz, and Captain Jack Sparrow can have an onscreen romance unhampered by girly men. I think Keira Knightley and Penelope Cruz are both fine looking female leads, go ahead and tell me you wouldn’t be happy watching either one of them:

For those of you still interested in trivial details such as the plot of the movie, On Stranger Tides focuses on Captain Jack Sparrow’s hunt for the fountain of youth and facing off against the infamous pirate Blackbeard. I am assuming the he will succeed so Disney has an excuse to use him in movies from now until he becomes a marauding space pirate kidnapping Martian ladies. I am sure you would much rather watch the trailer than hear me describe it to you, so here it is. One thing is for sure, Johnny Depp is still great as Jack Sparrow.

Popularity: 3% [?]

Marvel has been putting out quite a few superhero movies in preparation for their big Avengers movie event, where all their heroes will be brought together. The next installment by the Marvel movie men will be Thor, Marvel’s take on the Norse god of thunder. The basic take on Thor here is that Asgard is a realm outside of earth with technology so advanced that it is basically indistinguishable from magic. Since the Asgardians visited earth and appeared so advanced, they were worshipped as gods by the Norse. Parts of the movie will take place in Asgard as Thor has the Norse god equivalent of teenage rebellion and part of the movie will take place on earth when Thor’s dad Odin puts him in Norse god timeout. Wherever Thor is taking place, it looks great, especially the scenes with Natalie Portman. Chris Hemsworth is also a suitably large Thor, I can totally see a man of his size kicking wholesale ass.

If you were not blown away by that trailer then I don’t think we can be friends. It has Anthony Hopkins as a firm but fair Odin, Chris Hemsworth as a petulant/heroic/awesome Thor, and Natalie Portman as the hot nurse. The scenes all look great visually, especially the shots of Asgard. All in all, it looks like Thor has everything it needs to be Marvel’s next big hit and to cause even more excitement for the upcoming Captain America and Avengers movies.

Popularity: 4% [?]

Mel Gibson will be starring in an upcoming movie hilariously titled The Beaver. The Beaver has Mel Gibson as a cripplingly depressed man estranged from his family who will only talk to people through a beaver puppet. I personally thought that the first jokes about this movie would be about Mel Gibson being elbow deep in a beaver, but I guess I am just crude. It seems the folks over at Funny or Die have decided to take a different approach. Before we look at the altered trailer, look over the original.

I guess if you have a pretty morbid sense of humor, the original trailer is pretty funny. Similarly funny in a messed up way were Mel Gibson’s rants against the mother of his child, Oksana Grigorieva. What better way to create hilarity than mixing the two together? Be warned, the following trailer contains a lot of offensive language and references to oral sex. If you aren’t into that kind of thing, here is a website you might enjoy more. For those of you who like to laugh, Funny or Die presents The Beaver.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Eastbound and Down is one of the best shows on television. Danny McBride is crude, vulgar, and absolutely hilarious. It seems that the new movie Your Highness will be relying on a similar formula, and after watching the trailer I think it will be quite successful. First, let’s take a look at the cast. Four of the main characters are Danny McBride, James Franco, Natalie Portman, and Zooey Deschanel. We have the comedy covered by McBride and Franco and the pure hotness covered by Natalie Portman and Zooey Deschanel. Oh, and they are all good actors, but I don’t think good acting will have too much of a place in this movie. The director is David Gordon Green, who you may remember as the director of Pineapple Express. So yeah, this movie will be extremely entertaining, but probably won’t qualify as a cinematic masterpiece. And if you need anymore convincing to watch this trailer, just know this: it has Natalie Portman in a thong. I can write anything I want from here on out because I know you aren’t still reading this after that last sentence.

If you are not laughing after that you must have recently suffered some great tragedy, and I am sorry for your loss. For the rest of us, that trailer leaves us anxiously awaiting April 2011 when Your Highness will be released in theaters.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Ryan Reynolds has basically become synonymous with comic book movies. He played Hannibal King in Blade Trinity, was rumored to be the Flash, played Deadpool in X-Men Origins: Wolverine, and is Hal Jordan AKA Green Lantern in the upcoming film of the same name. Oh yeah, he is also married to Scarlett Johansson, also known as the Black Widow. In case you forgot, she looks like this:

But enough about Scarlett Johansson, the amazingly sexy wife of Ryan Reynolds. We are focusing on Ryan Reynolds newest movie, Green Lantern, which DC is hoping will be as successful as the Batman franchise under Christopher Nolan. Fans were given a first glimpse of the movie at San Diego Comic Con 2010, but in all honesty that glimpse really didn’t reveal much of anything. Entertainment Tonight has a preview of Green Lantern coming up that will show some more scenes from the movie with completed special effects, and Ryan Reynolds using his power ring. They have also been kind enough to give us a preview of their preview. You can watch the full preview November 16th, but until then enjoy this preview of a preview. It’s entertaining, I promise.

Popularity: 16% [?]

Anything featuring Robert Downey Jr. or Zach Galifianakis I’ll watch. Zach Galifianakis has been on a roll ever since the Hangover, not necessary on screen but with for smaller projects, Between Two Ferns anyone? Robert Downey Jr. on the other hand is one solid comedic actor, put him any type of scenario and he’ll act the fuck out of it. Throw some Todd Phillips (Old School & Hangover) directorial in the mix for good measure and you are guaranteed of a tasty-tasty treat.

Due Date’s plot sounds a bit like a cross between Tommy Boy, Hangover & Planes Trains and Automobiles which, mind you is a good thing. Can’t wait.

Two men: a highly strung expectant father Peter Highman (Downey) and aspiring actor Ethan Tremblay (Galifianakis) take a road trip cross country so the father can arrive in time to see his child’s birth.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Clint Eastwood and CGI? Well I never… and it’s impressive CGI mind you. Certainly though, at the age of 80 with a countless number of classic movies under his belt and enormous amounts of money he doesn’t need CGI to create a Tsunami effect. He just orders the real thing. “I want the Baltic Sea shipped to the Nevada desert by Tuesday, that and a quart of Valium, my back is killing me.” And I feel for the guy that answered that call, have you ever seen a happy Clint Eastwood? Neither have I. Get Eastwood his fucking Tsunami!

“Eastwood in the more happier of times”

On to the movie, Hereafter. Which has everything setup to be a luke-warm blockbuster, impressive footage, big star – Matt Damon, fairly unknown hot foreign star – Cécile de France and impressive CGI Tsunami or a real life Tsunami – verdict is still out on that one. Can’t see myself bumrushing the theaters to see it.
Synopsis:

“Hereafter” tells the story of three people who are haunted by mortality in different ways. Matt Damon stars as George, a blue–collar American who has a special connection to the afterlife. On the other side of the world, Marie (Cécile de France), a French journalist, has a near–death experience that shakes her reality. And when Marcus (Frankie/George McLaren), a London schoolboy, loses the person closest to him, he desperately needs answers. Each on a path in search of the truth, their lives will intersect, forever changed by what they believe might—or must—exist in the hereafter.

Popularity: 1% [?]

A select number of people managed to catch 8 Minutes of footage from Jackass 3D shown at Comic Con. There were nothing but rave reviews, sure 8 minutes is not much but those claims were backed up by an even more select few that managed to catch the entire film. To be honest if there was one movie I’d this year it would be Jackass 3D.

MTV premiered Weezer’s latest single “Memories” which features a few stunts from the movie and the band hanging out with idiotic cast. Damn awesome tune as well.

A few tweets from from the lucky few who have seen it.

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Popularity: 1% [?]

Yes yet another Saw movie hits our screens, the 7th in the saga & from what it sounds like it’s the finale, awesome. Linkin Park fans will be happy to know that frontman Chester Bennington is indeed in the latest entry into the Saw franchise. People who hate Linkin Park will be happy to know that they will have the chance to see him tortured. Saw 3D releases October 29th.

Plot:

“As a deadly battle rages over Jigsaw’s brutal legacy, a group of Jigsaw survivors gathers to seek the support of self-help guru and fellow survivor Bobby Dagen, a man whose own dark secrets unleash a new wave of terror…”

Have to give them props for their awesome 3D posters, check them out below:
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Popularity: 1% [?]

Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez brought grindhouse style films back to popularity with Death Proof and Planet Terror. By popularity I mean I enjoyed those movies and the style they were filmed in, so I assume others did too. Now people have started to wonder what other movies would look like if they were filmed in the grindhouse style. Of course the rational jump there was to move from other movies to the children’s book, The Lorax, by Dr. Seuss. It is a little known fact that Dr. Seuss, real name Theodor Seuss Geisel, was actually not too fond of children. He didn’t hate them or anything, he just didn’t like to be around them. I feel like he would approve of this Lorax grindhouse movie made by Classy Hands. Hell, he’d probably play it with a projector on the side of his house to keep those pesky kids off his lawn.

Now that I have seen this, I would really like to see a gritty remake of Hop on Pop. Perhaps One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish could be turned into a psychological thriller. Somebody needs to get Christopher Nolan on the phone right now. Just remember it was my idea, with a guiding hand from Classy Hands.

Popularity: 1% [?]