You should always use a condom, unless you’ve got a really good excuse not to—like you were roller-skating down the street, tripped on the curb, fell into the back of a woman who was bent over packing her car, and accidentally had intercourse with her! That’s the message of some amusing new pro-condom cartoons from Grey in Germany for MTV in Switzerland. Read more at AdFreak

The big question though, why April and not October? Is this some sort of joke? I’m so confused!

Chucky, Scream & Freddy after the jump…

ROUND 1: Northeast Region

ROUND 1: Northwest Region

ROUND 1: Southeast Region

ROUND 1: Southwest Region

ROUND 2: East Region

ROUND 2: West Region

SWEET 16: East Region

SWEET 16: West Region

Click image to see an enlarged bracket.

The top 16 weren’t so sweet to Jason Voorhees as he was dumped out of the tournament by the Skirt, Catherine Tramell.  So finally we are down to the top 8 most vile human beings and otherwise that have ever walked the planet in a fictional reality.  And we can only pray that none of the final four will ever make it to our reality.  So who are the final four?

VS.

(1) Joker – the Dark Knight

(7) General Thade – Planet of the Apes

Battle: General Thade may have terrorized an entire race, but he was organized.  He was controlled.  He had purpose.  And even worse (as far as being evil goes) he still cared about his own people.  Joker couldn’t care less about his own people, including the gangsters.  He killed them whenever the mode struck him.  No one was safe from the Joker’s wrath.  Sometimes not even the Joker.

Winner: Joker

VS.

(1) Freddy Krueger – A Nightmare on Elm Street

(3) Catherine Tramell – Basic Instinct

Battle: On paper it’s Freddy by a mile, but if you look closer he can easily be picked apart.  First of all the guy can only attack children (and I don’t believe it’s ever truly defined when you stop being a “child” Freddy can attack).  So his victim pool is limited.  He is also stuck in the dream world.  I know everyone has to sleep, but there is no reason to be terrified of him while you’re awake.  He also seems to limit himself to the kids on Elm Street, so if you are smart enough to stay away, he’ll never know you exist.  Catherine Tramell is an international killer.  She is also the type to kill people just to amuse herself, while Freddy was purely revenge motivated.  However, Tramell is not without fault.  She is evil, but doesn’t she always seem to go after people who somewhat deserve it?  She’s never really gotten to someone with a strong will or mind.  They wouldn’t fall for her tricks, and if you don’t play her game, she can’t really kill you.

Okay, this one has gone into overtime.  And in overtime I have to go with my gut.  My gut says that Freddy Krueger was a meaner son-of-a-b****, but who was eviler?…more evil?  Whatever…I know I’m stalling…uhh…coin flip…no I didn’t actually flip a coin…

…

Okay, okay.

Winner: Freddy Krueger

VS.

(3) Damien – The Omen

(9) Castor Troy – Face/Off

Battle: Castor Troy is defined as a terrorist, but the devil has and always will be the king of terrorism.  Damien as you know, is the devil’s son.  But this matchup really boils down to their resumes.  Damien’s objective was to destroy the world that God made.  To end it all.  Castor Troy’s objective was to just blow up a few major cities.  Kill a bunch of people here and there, but he really had no intentions of killing himself.  He was too vain for that.  Damien would’ve gladly killed himself to reach his destiny.  Neither of them actually succeeded.  Damien’s aim was a little bit higher.

Winner: Damien

VS.

(2) Terminator – Terminator

(12) Gordon Gekko – Wall Street

Battle: Terminator were created to destroy the human race.  Gordon Gekko was created to destroy human finances.  Gordon was merciless.  He would steal from his own grandmother to make a profit.  He’d take your house, your life saving, your kids college education and buy a yacht then name it after your family and sail it by the cardboard box you now live in.  He was cold as a…well…robot.  But there was one catch.  He didn’t really have the stones to kill anybody and while we as a society worship money, it’s not completely vital to life.  You heartbeat is however.  And the Terminator was eager to take that from you.  The clock strikes 12 on the Cinderella coach that is Gekko.

Winner: Terminator

Click image to see an enlarged bracket.

NEXT UP, THE FINAL FOUR!—->

Beaze and all his crazy antics, featured articles and random thoughts are now on twitter @Beazewriter

5) Robin Hood

Why it’s time: It’s not like people would have a hard time believing that black people steal.  Hey, I’m just being honest.  I know that black people may not have been around during medieval times (what, do I look like a Historian to you?), but still, can we at least get a variation of Robin Hood?  Maybe an modern version?  This story has to resonate in the hood.  It has to.  Hood is his name for crying out loud!

4) Wonder Woman

Why it’s time: She came from the amazon.  A South American country.  Why is Wonder Woman white in the first place?  There were slaves sent to South America, maybe one of them married an amazon, or was forced to serve an amazon sexually…I don’t know how that whole thing thing works.  But the point is it’s toally believable for Wonder Woman to be black, more-so than for her to be Caucasian.  I’m just saying.

3) Terminator

Why it’s time: He’s a freaking robot from the future.  I know there are black people in the future.  Are we not good enough to have a Terminator molded after us?  Sam Worthington had a Terminator modeled after him.  Who the hell is he?  I know they are doing more Terminator movies.  They better do them right.  By definitions robots are made from interchangeable parts, so no one has to get mad that it’s not Arnold Schwarzenegger.

2) James Bond

Why it’s time: It’s not like there is a certain image that comes to mind when you think James Bond.  Everybody and their mother has been cast as James Bond.  None of them look a like.  Clearly there is a broad standard in the casting.  Why can’t he be black?  African-Americans live in England…but then I guess they’d be African-Englanders…whatever…you know what I mean.  Anyway, maybe James Bond was always black and the slick haired Caucasian look was just a disguise.  Maybe he was light skin.  I don’t care.  Sell it.

1) Tarzan

Why it’s time: Look, Tarzan is a muscle-bound, incredibly athletic and uncivilized dude swinging through the jungle on vines with the IQ of a grapefruit and has dark skin and woolly hair…

…

Black people can’t have this one?  That’s exactly what black people are notoriously accused of being!  If I read that description at a Klan meeting or even a Congressional hearing they’d accuse this suspect of being a black man.  And Tarzan spends all his time chasing a white woman…are you hearing me?

P.S. – the art/photos were gathered via the internet from some pretty imaginative people who apparently have an Obama obsession.  Nice work though.

Beaze and all his crazy antics, featured articles and random thoughts are now on twitter @Beazewriter

5) Catwoman – Batman

Original Character Traits: Selena Kyle is sassy, sexy and tough as nails.  Part pussy, part b*tch.  The ultimate diva.

Why they went black: Have you met a black woman?  Haha, j/k.  Sort of.  When you think Catwoman — for a lot of people — Eartha Kitt comes to mind.  Eartha was the purrr-fect (couldn’t resist) blend of femininity and ass-kicking toughness.  She was the cat with the canary.  She could kiss it or eat it, you just never know.  Halle Berry was a good choice too…the script was not.

4) Robert Neville – I Am Legend

Original Character Traits: A gritty scientist trying to revive humanity — while holding onto his own — who hunts vam-zombies.

Why they went black: Can you really go wrong casting Will Smith?  Anyway, 50 years ago most people would laugh at the idea of a black person being Robert Neville, a brilliant scientist.  Today, it’s not so far fetched.  Besides, if you think of someone being brilliant yet fit enough to survivor an apocalypse and still interesting enough to capture our attention Cast Away-style…again it’s Will Smith.

3) Kingpin – Daredevil

Original Character Traits: the Kingpin is gigantic, but not fat.  Tough.  Brawler.  Feared.  Threatening in a “holy sh*t get out of this guy’s way” way.

Why they went black: This one was a no-brainer.  The deep voice and imposingly muscular presence alone made Michael Clarke Duncan the obvious choice.  Add that Kingpin was from one of the roughest neighborhoods in New York and why not make him a ‘hood survivor?  It just makes sense.

2) Dracula – Vampire in Brooklyn

Original Character Traits: Charming but deadly.

Why they went black: Okay so Eddie Murphy wasn’t exactly playing Dracula, but it’s the same principle.  Typically when a black person is cast in a movie he’s the lover or the fighter.  There doesn’t seem to be an in between in the perception of African-Americans.  No black geeks, nerds or outcasts.  Dracula was both a lover and a fighter.  There you go.

1) God – Bruce Almighty

Original Character Traits: The creator.  His son — or He if that’s what you believe — had “skin of bronze and hair of wool.”

Why they went black: Who’s that sound like to you?  Morgan Freeman is practically a god himself though, so he was a perfect fit.

Beaze and all his crazy antics, featured articles and random thoughts are now on twitter @Beazewriter

10 Years since Toy Story 2 and 15 years since the original. WOW! Don’t you feel old! It sucks doesn’t it, drinking yoghurt and eating mash and gravy through a straw isn’t cool. Anyways, Woody, Buzz Light Year and co are back and have a play date with destiny and you’re invited. 3D? Oh shuddup!

Starring: Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Joan Cusack, Timothy Dalton, Jeff Garlin, Whoopi Goldberg and Michael Keaton.

Inspirational! If I ever visit Hometree, Wisconsin I would definitely check out this L.A.R.P. C’mon Live Action Role Playing Abadah what could be more awesome, right?

Hell, screw Hometree Wisconsin, who’s with me? Let the Na’vi people of Bantry Bay, Cape Town UNITE!