Humor District

The first trailer release for The Dark Knight Rises. I see they’re also naming it Batman 3, which is a little weird. Get exited! Watch it below.

Plot:
Bane spreads chaos in Gotham in order to lure and weaken Batman, and break him.

Also interesting to note, Christian Bale has stated that he would not play Batman if Robin was in any of these 3 films. Christopher Nolan agreed not to include Robin as it would undermine the dark tone of his series.

In a recent interview with E! Christian Bale revealed that he does not currently have plans on reprising his role as Batman beyond The Dark Knight Rises. Before you start crying into your pillows, there are several things that need to be looked at here. First off, it appears that Christian Bale’s connection to Batman will only last as long as Christopher Nolan’s connection to the Batman franchise. As of right now it appears that Christopher Nolan is only planning on doing the three Batman movies, with The Dark Knight Rises being his last. Then again, Christopher Nolan is famously secretive, so who knows what his real plans are. For all we know, Nolan is planning on doing ten more Batman movies with Christian Bale. While that is unlikely, it is possible.

Secondly, the Batman franchise has been ridiculously successful, especially The Dark Knight. That means that no matter what happens, you can be fairly confident in betting there will be multiple Batman movies in the future. This doesn’t necessarily mean that Nolan and Bale will be involved. They have been great in the first two Batman movies, but they don’t seem like the types to continue working on a franchise just to churn out sequels and make money. Basically I am saying they actually have integrity. If they don’t feel like they can put out a quality movie, they most likely won’t do it. This is excellent news for the Batman movies they do make, but poor news for those who want to see continual installments in this franchise. Overall, it looks as though this could very well be the last Batman movie we see with Christian Bale in the suit and Christopher Nolan at the helm, but only time can tell.

The previous installments in Christopher Nolan’s Batman franchise haven’t had much focus on female characters. The only female of any importance has been Rachel Dawes, who has been portrayed by Katie Holmes and Maggie Gyllenhaal. I don’t think we will be seeing either of them as Rachel Dawes in The Dark Knight Rises considering the many pieces she was in after The Dark Knight, courtesy of the Joker. It seems that Christopher Nolan has decided that there needs to be more of a woman’s touch in his next movie to compliment the sheer manliness of Christian Bale as Batman. It also seems like Commissioner Gordon might be getting a new lady friend.

According to Comic Book Movie, the script for The Dark Knight Rises features twice the number of women than seen in previous Batman movies. That brings the total for the next movie to two female characters! These ladies in question are Detective Sarah Essen and Julie Madison. Those of you who are familiar with the comics may remember Sarah Essen as Jim Gordon’s love interest, but he is already married with children in the previous Batman movies. Will Jim Gordon be having some extracurricular activities going on? It is rumored that Charlize Theron has been approached for the role of Sarah Essen.

Of course Batman can’t go without a damsel in distress to save, so Julie Madison makes sense as a character. She is basically a rich girl who falls in love with Bruce Wayne and seems to get captured by villains a lot. She has actually been in comic books and a previous Batman movie, just not one of Nolan’s. This gives Batman something to do in the evenings, and allows Christopher Nolan to cast some eye candy for the male masses. Of course this is still all rumor at this point, but it sure would be nice to see some more ladies with a prominent role in the Batman franchise.

There are some movies that have been so iconic that later generations of filmmakers have to make their own versions of the same movie. Most of the time, this does not work out very well. It seems that the magic of the original is often lost when people try to remake classic films. Expectations for the remakes are so high because of the beloved status of the original movies that it is almost impossible for those expectations to be met. On rare occasions the remakes actually do meet these expectations and can be considered to be on the same level as the originals. It looks like the Coen Brothers’ remake of True Grit might actually be on this level. Check out the True Grit trailer below.

Yeah, it looks pretty damn good. Here are 5 other remakes that compared favorably to their predecessors.

3:10 To Yuma

Like True Grit, 3:10 to Yuma was a remake of a classic western film. The star studded cast of Christian Bale and Russell Crowe gave some great performances. Christian Bale was great as a former soldier who has lost his foot and the respect of his son. While he can’t get his foot back, he tries to earn the respect of his son by escorting a dangerous criminal, Russell Crowe, to the train that will take him to prison. Russell Crowe manages to be believable as a ruthless criminal who improbably has a very strict moral code. It all added up to a great western movie for a new generation.

The Fly

The original The Fly was made way back in 1958. It was an astounding movie for the time, but when 1986 rolled around it was decided that The Fly needed a remake. Director David Cronenberg cast Jeff Goldblum as his eccentric scientist who tries to use transportation technology to woo Geena Davis. As usual, trying to impress a girl leads to disaster and ruin when a fly gets into Goldblum’s teleportation device, turning Jeff Goldblum into a man/fly hybrid that is unfortunately more fly than man. Since this was not a romantic comedy, the transformation led to horrifying events rather than quirky misunderstandings and audiences loved it.

Friday the 13th

Jason Vorhees is one of the most terrifying characters in modern cinema. There were numerous Jason movies made in the 80′s but they went down in quality and he eventually fell off the map. Around 2009, moviemakers decided that kids at camp were not filled with enough terror, so Friday the 13th was reborn. Jason came back with a vengeance, making up for all his lost time in killing sexy teenagers. The remake captured the walking specter of death that was Jason Vorhees perfectly and gave young campers a new reason to be homesick. At least there aren’t homicidal maniacs back there.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

The original Texas Chainsaw Massacre was one of the most iconic horror movies of all time. It has spawned many sequels, including a terrible one called Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation starring Matthew McConaughey and Renee Zelwegger. The 2003 remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre starring Jessica Biel was incredible. First of all, she looked damn good in it. That had to be said. The carnage that Leatherface inflicted was gory, disturbing, and awesome. Adding in fake police footage for the “based on true events” side of the movie was a great touch as well.

The Thing

The Thing is a remake of the classic movie, The Thing from Another World. The Thing is a far superior movie to The Thing from Another World, not least of all for shortening that bulky title. The suspense in The Thing was a work of masterfully created art. The audience was kept in suspense about the identity of the shape changing killer and every character was a suspect for most of the movie. The final reveal was shocking and horrifying as the true killer was revealed and the final battle for survival began. The Thing is not only one of the best remakes of all time, but one of the scariest movies as well.

The next installment in the Batman franchise has been creating a lot of buzz. This is mostly because nobody has any idea where Christopher Nolan is going to take it. The only things that can be said about the movie with any certainty are that Christian Bale will be Batman, Christopher Nolan will be directing, and at least some of the filming will be done in New Orleans. Other than that, it is pretty much just speculation at this point. The really big question at this point is what villain Batman will be facing off against. One thing is for sure, the next villain will have some big shoes to fill after Heath Ledger’s portrayal of  Joker.

Killer Croc

According to the creator of Kick-Ass, Mark Millar, Killer Croc is going to be Batman’s nemesis in the next movie. Mark Millar hinted on his Twitter account that he had insider information on who the villain was going to be, and that the filming location of New Orleans was very relevant. Killer Croc is a man with tremendous strength, great lung capacity, and less than impressive intellect. He also resembles a crocodile. What villain would fit better in a New Orleans location?

Riddler

Most of the villain rumors floating around the internet involve the Riddler in some capacity, and whether it will be Johnny Depp, Dane Cook, or Eddie Murphy who will be portraying him. The thing is, the Riddler makes sense as a Batman villain. He is capable of setting up an elaborate crime spree/puzzle that will keep Batman on his toes and the audience on the edge of their seats. Christopher Nolan is also the type of director who can analyze the Riddler’s motivation, and whether he leaves riddles because of the thrill of the game or because he wants to get caught.

Catwoman

With the death of Rachel Dawes in The Dark Knight, both Batman and Bruce Wayne are pretty much devoid of female company. Sure, Bruce Wayne has the whole billionaire playboy schtick that involves numerous lady types, but they don’t really count as romantic interests. Catwoman could fill this role quite nicely, leading Batman on chases throughout the city while he struggles to discover his true feelings about her. Her alter ego, Selina Kyle, could also enter Bruce Wayne’s life around the same time. The plot thickens!

Penguin

Christopher Nolan has gone on record as saying Penguin is a bit too campy of a character for his taste. At the same time, he could easily transform the Penguin from a waddling joke to a criminal mastermind that has to be taken seriously. One actor whose name is thrown around frequently for this role is Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Give him a beak-like nose and a big budget and he could give Batman some real troubles. I don’t think Nolan would keep the umbrella machine guns, though.

Scarecrow

The Scarecrow might appear in the third installment in the Batman franchise simply because he has been in the previous two movies. It is highly doubtful that Scarecrow will be the main foe Batman faces off against, as he and his fear toxin were already featured prominently in Batman Begins, but he might make an appearance. It could be one of those little details that helps to bring a series of movies together.

The Dark Knight was a ridiculously successful movie, both financially and critically. Christopher Nolan’s work on the Batman franchise has created a huge fan following and a great demand for another installment in the Batman saga.  Christopher Nolan has been confirmed as the director of the as of yet untitled Batman 3 movie, but so far that is about the only fact that has surfaced about the movie. On the other hand, there has been no shortage of rumors about the next movie. It seems that everybody with access to a message board has some inside connection to the movie and is revealing some big twist. The problem is these revealed twists are stupid as hell, and nobody in their right mind would believe them. These are the most ridiculous Batman 3 rumors that can be found on the web.*

Christian Bale Out?

Christian Bale has cemented himself in the minds of fans as the ideal actor for Batman. He has put on great performances as the caped crusader in Christopher Nolan’s first two Batman films, and there is no reason that he wouldn’t do the same. Nonetheless, a rumor appeared stating that Sam Worthington would be replacing Christian Bale as the dark knight. The two co-starred in Terminator Salvation, but that seems to be about the only connection. Sam Worthington is a capable action movie star, but there is no way that Christian Bale would be replaced as Batman by anyone, not at this point in the franchise.

Two-Face Lives

Before you read on, know that this paragraph contains a spoiler alert about the ending of The Dark Knight. If you aven’t seen The Dark Knight, take this time to go watch it. Preferably on Blu-Ray. Now that you have done that, you know that Harvey Dent/Two-Face died at the end of The Dark Knight. Or did he? Many rumor mongers have said Two-Face will return since no casket was seen at his public funeral. With that said, Aaron Eckhart and Christopher Nolan have both publicly stated in numerous interviews that Two-Face is dead. Even the script for The Dark Knight confirms this: “Dent lies at the bottom of the hole, his neck broken…DEAD.”

Here Comes Robin

Shia LaBeouf has emerged as a big name in Hollywood, mostly for his work on Michael Bay’s Transformers series. He is also well known for being a terrible addition to the Indiana Jones franchise. Now rumors have appeared that he will be assuming another sidekick role as Robin. The problem with this is Christopher Nolan and Christian Bale have both voiced their disdain for Robin as a character. Bale went so far as to say he would not be involved with a Batman movie that also had a Robin. The whole feel of Christopher Nolan’s Batman is far too dark for a kid sidekick to be involved.

Villains, Villains, Villains

There have been many rumors about which villains will appear in the next Batman movie. Some of the more ridiculous rumors have Cher playing Catwoman, Eddie Murphy playing the Riddler, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman playing the Penguin. Others have Megan Fox as Catwoman and Johnny Depp or Dane Cook as the Riddler. Not only are some/most of these rumored casting choices terrible, the script hasn’t even been finished yet. At this point it is still a mystery which villains will be in the movie, much less which actors will be playing those villains.

Batman 3-D

One rumor that as been picking up steam is that the next Batman movie will be filmed entirely in 3-D. This actually does make some sense, as 3-D movies are a bit of a craze in Hollywood at the moment. Another benefit of 3-D movies is that tickets sell for more. Still, the whole 3-D craze is fairly gimmicky, and Christopher Nolan has never been one to rely on gimmicks. It is more likely that Christopher Nolan would film the entire movie in IMAX, like certain scenes in The Dark Knight. Even that is highly doubtful though.

*This list is subject to change as stupid rumors are proven to be true.

There have been a lot of rumors swirling around the next installment in the Batman franchise. Both Johnny Depp and Eddie Murphy have been rumored to play the Riddler in the next movie, and even more oddly, Cher was rumored to be a candidate for Catwoman, and a Shia LeBeouf as Robin rumor was also floating around. Basically everybody with an internet connection and a friend of a cousin of a friend in the industry was posting ridiculous crap about the next Batman movie on message boards. We now have one fact amidst all these rumors, Christopher Nolan will be directing Batman 3.

Christopher Nolan did a great job directing Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, and proved alongside Iron Man that comic book movies could be serious and seriously fun. When asked by Empire if he would be directing Batman 3, Nolan replied: “If I haven’t announced it, I think that people probably all know at this point that I’m doing it.” It would just feel wrong at this point to have anybody other than Nolan directing it. A change of this magnitude would rival replacing Christian Bale as Batman. Fans have become as attached to Christopher Nolan’s directing as they have to Batman’s gravelly voice. Perhaps most importantly, Nolan said he is hard at work for the script with his brother, Jonathan Nolan. Hopefully we will be getting casting announcements and finding out which Batman villains will be in the next movie. I’m hoping for Bane.

It is amazing how some actors have such a commanding presence in movies that their performances are remembered for ages. For every highly praised movie there is an actor giving a highly praised performance. After watching such a movie and actor, like Brandon Marlo in The Godfather, it is hard to picture that actor as anything less than amazing. Unfortunately, many great actors make some poor decisions that tarnish their reputations. Usually this poor decision is star in a movie that can best be compared to a steaming pile of feces. These are great actors in terrible movies.

George Clooney – Batman & Robin

George Clooney has not only received the honor of formerly being the sexiest man alive, he got to play the World’s Greatest Detective AKA Batman. You might remember this incarnation of batman, he had nipples on his suit. He also had a credit card in the name of Batman. This movie almost killed what was a popular franchise up to that point. I suppose the only real highlight was laughing at Arnold Schwarzenegger’s corny lines as Mr. Freeze. Luckily for Batman fans everywhere, Christian Bale has saved the franchise and erased George Clooney’s Batman from our minds.

Michael Caine – Jaws: The Revenge

Nothing more needs to be said about Jaws: The Revenge other than it is the third movie in the Jaws franchise and it is called Jaws: The Revenge. It is about a shark seeking revenge. Seriously, that is the plot of the movie. Michael Caine was not well known for being Batman’s butler at this time, but still, he has way too much acting credibility to be in a Jaws sequel. All I can say is I hope he got a good paycheck for this embarrassment. Michael Caine has made up for this mistake later in his career, but if he could choose one movie to take back, I’d wager this would be it. As long as he got to keep his pay.

John Travolta – Battlefield Earth

John Travolta has been in some great movies. He has also been in Battlefield Earth. This is like a double whammy of poor decision making, as John Travolta not only starred in Battlefield Earth, but he was also the driving force behind getting this terrible movie made. Battlefield Earth was nothing but a recruitment movie for Scientology, but it would have been more effective if it had been good. Battlefield Earth also ended up as a blemish on respected actor Forest Whitaker’s resume.

Halle Berry – Catwoman

Halle Berry has long been one of the biggest names in Hollywood. Her role in Monster’s Ball cemented her position as one of the premiere actresses of her time. She was also one of the hottest Bond girls to grace the screen. When a Catwoman movie was announced, Halle Berry seemed like the perfect casting choice. She has the right combination of independence and ass kicking ability to make the perfect Catwoman. The writers of the movie decided to ignore all that character development nonsense and instead decided to focus the movie on a creepy cat lady who beats guys up with almost no semblance of plot. This was definitely not a movie Halle Berry will want to remember.

Robert De Niro – The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle

Robert De Niro is one of the most highly respected actors of our generation. He has been in such classic movies as Goodfellas, The Untouchables, and Taxi Driver. What is the best way to follow up this kind of success? If you ask De Niro himself, I am sure he will tell you the best way to build on that success is to not play the Russian Spy Boris in a live action Rocky and Bullwinkle movie. Unfortunately, De Niro learned this the hard way. The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle was a complete flop, and De Niro’s caricature of a Russian was not nearly as entertaining as it might have been during the Cold War. Luckily most people don’t remember that there was a Rocky and Bullwinkle movie, and fewer remember Robert De Niro being in it. I think it is safe to say his career recovered.

It seems that once somebody becomes a movie star we start watching everything they do, even if it doesn’t relate to movies. We become interested in what cars they are driving, what clothes they are wearing, and what nation they are adopting children from. Essentially we take away all of their privacy. Having every move analyzed can be stressful for celebrities, luckily watching them all the time means we get to see them blow up. When I say blow up, I mean 4th of July style fireworks, just replace the explosions with craziness. Sometimes this outrageous behavior is just as entertaining as their movies. We have many examples of celebrities hitting the self-destruct button, let’s take the time to look back on some of the most memorable.

Mel Gibson Hates Everyone

A while back Mel Gibson got arrested for drunk driving. This, unfortunately, wouldn’t be huge news if it wasn’t for his behavior during his arrests. He released a barrage of anti-semitic comments, blaming Jewish people for literally all the wars in the world. I’m not sure if any of the arresting officers were Jewish, but Mel Gibson did his best to piss them off specifically by referring to the female officer as sugar breasts. He just said it in a less polite way. We thought that was as bad as things would get for crazy old Mel, but he recently outdid himself. His former girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva recently recorded some of Mel Gibson’s rants against her. He said that she dressed in a way that might lead to forcible sex with black men, and threatened to burn down her house, but only after she gives him mouth love. Again, Mel Gibson used some more offensive terms than a gentleman like myself would use. At least he didn’t blame Jewish people for his craziness.

Do Not Distract Christian Bale

The filming of Terminator Salvation revealed that the actor best known for playing Batman has an explosive temper. Christian Bale is well known for immersing himself in a role, often times taking it to extremes. With the amount of preparation he puts into his acting, it is no surprise that he doesn’t like interruptions. What was a surprise was how much he dislikes interruptions. When a member of the lighting crew walked through and ruined a scene, he felt the full force of Christian Bale’s fury. There were many expletives shouted, threats to break some lights, and Bale sounding like an asshole. It definitely seemed like a bit of an overreaction considering he would most likely have to shoot that scene 30 times even if he wasn’t interrupted.

Alec Baldwin Compares Child to Livestock

Sometimes you love somebody so much it hurts. At least that is a saying I’ve heard of. Apparently Alec Baldwin believes in the less often heard saying “love somebody so much you insult them repeatedly in a phone message”. When his 11 year old daughter didn’t answer his phone call, Alec Baldwin decided the appropriate response would be to leave a message calling her a disgusting little pig, threatening to hit her with a brick, and asking her to tell her mother to fornicate with herself. Not a very classy move from the star of 30 Rock and many movies. The best part was he seemed unsure of his own daughter’s age, switching between 12 and 11. Maybe that’s why she didn’t answer the phone.

Russell Crowe Breaks Phones

Being in a movie like Gladiator can really get that testosterone flowing. Considering the phenomenal job that Russell Crowe did in Gladiator, it is not that surprising that he had some trouble distinguishing which actions from that movie were actually appropriate in real life. While staying in a hotel, Russell Crowe was unable to place a phone call. Feeling like he was being held back by whiny little emperor, Russel Crowe led a one man revolt against the hotel tyrant. His weapon of choice was the phone. He mistook the hotel concierge for the previously mentioned, and fictional, hotel tyrant. This resulted in a violent meeting between the airborne phone and the concierge’s face, and Russell Crowe being escorted away by the boys in blue.

David O. Russell and Actors Do Not Get Along

David O. Russell is a director who is no stranger to outbursts. He actually came to blows with George Clooney during the filming of Three Kings, after Clooney commented on Russell’s verbal abuse of the staff. Russell proceeded to call Clooney an ass and a word meaning lady’s reproductive organs, and tried to choke him. You’d think that he would only have one outburst of crazy like that in a lifetime, but that was not the case. During the filming of I heart Huckabees, Russell went after actress Lily Tomlin. Luckily he did not try to strangle her, but he did call her an even worse word for lady parts than he used on Clooney. He then proceeded to break parts of the set and lock himself in his office. That’s how adults solve their problems, kids.

We took 64 of the meanest and nastiest movie villains ever created and brought them together for a no holds-barred tournament, to find out who is the evilest villain of all times.  For rules and details about the selection process click here.

ROUND 1: Northeast Region

ROUND 1: Northwest Region

ROUND 1: Southeast Region

Click image to see an enlarged bracket.

There weren’t many upsets in the Southeast region, but we did see Damien rise up and announce that he is here to claim the throne that is rightfully his (I mean he is the Antichrist).  Will anyone in the Southwest region be able to give him a run for his money?  Find out below.

VS.

(1) Freddy Kruger – Nightmare of Elm Street: Guts children with a glove made of scissors.

(16) Henry Evans – the Good Son: Killed his neighbor’s pets with a homemade crossbow.

Winner: Freddy never faced a child like Henry before I can tell you that much.  This child Macaulay Culkin won’t scare as easy as Freddy’s typical drugged up teenage victims.  Henry was a pure sociopath, no doubt about it and would have pulled off the upset against any other supernatural killer…but Freddy Kruger was just as sociopathic when he was human.  Once Freddy was given supernatural powers, he took it to a whole new level.  Freddy wins.

VS.

(4) Leatherface – Texas Chainsaw Massacre: If you ever needed to cut up a log, he’s your guy.

(13) Sauron – Lord of the Rings: Made a nasty ring that turns everyone into a douchebag.

Winner: Look, I’m not even going to pretend that I sat through 9+ hours of LOTR’s, nor that I’d understand its confusing twists and turns if I had.  Leatherface chopped body parts and made an entire nation shiver every time they heard a chainsaw rev to life.  Leatherface advances.  Next!

VS.

(3) Catherine Tramell – Basic Instinct: the ultimate femme fatale who murdered men with an ice pick.

(14) Patrick Bateman – American Psycho: the ultimate whack job who murdered people with an axe.

Winner: Christain Bale was truly a psycho – if not American – but at the end of the day who knows whether he really splattered anybody or if he just fantasized about it.  I know that’s the gateway behavior (I watch Criminal Minds), but please Patrick…man up and do something about it already!  No way does he compare to a legged legend.  Sharon Stone moves on.

VS.

(7) Alonzo – Training Day: A murderer with a badge.

(10) Alex - A Clockwork Orange: A home invaded with a fetish for sleeping wives.

Winner: Alonzo shakes down thugs like Alex on a daily basis and he’d have no problem out evil-ing this little creep.  Denzel Washington wins.

VS.

(6) John Doe – Se7en: Reminded the world of the seven deadly sins by putting a cop’s wife’s head in a box.

(11) Clarence Boddicker – Robocop: Notorious cop killer.

Winner: Let’s see.  One guy blew a cops apart piece by piece and the other guy destroyed a cop mentally piece by piece.  It’s brain vs. brawn here, but in terms of sheer evil…I have to give it to the robo-killer.  He’d never commit suicide to punish himself.

VS.

(5) Lex Luthor – Superman: A criminal mastermind who tried to sink California.

(12) Cruella DeVil – 101 Dalmatians: an heiress furrier who tried to skin 101 dalmatians just to make a coat.

Winner: As much as I’d like to stick up for California, the truth is that the movie versions of Lex Luthor are all genius and short on the evil.  Cruella DeVil was just as rich and if you asked me who I’d be most afraid to meet face to face, it’d have to be DeVil.

VS.

(8) T-1000 – Terminator 2: Judgment Day: the liquid terminator famous for stabbing his victims with ice pick hands.

(9) O-Ren Ishii – Kill Bill: Notorious for slicing and dicing her victims with katana swords.

Winner: The T-1000 was creator for the specific purpose of assassination, but some would say the same for O-Ren Ishii.  O-Ren was a bad girl, but once again, the code of thieves comes back to bite another villain on the ass.  T-1000 didn’t bargain, hesitate or apologize.  The liquid terminator shuffles on to round 2.

VS.

(2) Jason Voorhees – Friday the 13th: A machete wielding ex-camper in a hockey mask.

(15) Derek Vinyard – American History X: A white supremacist that curb stomps black people.

Winner: A lot of people would say that racist people are the most evil people in the world, but I’d argue that they aren’t evil.  They are just cowards, who attack what they fear.  Jason Voorhees was afraid of no one.  Jason wins.

Click to see an enlarged bracket.

Next up, ROUND 2!—->

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