Humor District

2010 has drawn to a close and many of us are still optimistic about our lists of resolutions. This is because a new year brings with it new possibilities and new hope. This year we will finally be able to shed those unwanted pounds. This year we will find true love. This year we will poop out diamonds and suddenly become irresistible to the opposite sex. Well, most of those resolutions will be abandoned by the end of the week, but one thing that can be said is 2011 should be a great year for movies, especially comic book movies. Even if you are perfect already and don’t have any changes to make in this coming year, you should still be looking forward to the rest of 2011 simply because of these movies.

Thor

We have already seen the trailer for Thor, and it looks amazing. Marvel has had some success with their superhero franchises, most notably with Iron Man and Spider-Man, and it definitely looks like Thor will add to that success. With big names such as Natalie Portman and Anthony Hopkins involved with Thor, it is very easy to be optimistic. Add the fact that Chris Hemsworth looks every inch the petulant but heroic God of Thunder and we should have an exciting movie on our hands.

Captain America: The First Avenger

Captain America: The First Avenger has been somewhat overshadowed by Thor, but it is Captain America who has more pressure to succeed. The reason for this is simple, all these Marvel movies are leading up to an Avengers movie that will feature many Marvel superheroes. As the title of his movie suggests, Captain America is an integral part of the Avengers team. I see no need to worry about the success of Captain America though, seeing Chris Evans battle Nazis as a patriotic super soldier should entertain every red, white, and blue blooded American.

Your Highness

Simply put, Your Highness looks like it will be the funniest movie of 2011. Danny McBride and James Franco form a great comedy duo, as shown briefly in Pineapple Express. It will also help that David Gordon Green, the director of Pineapple Express, will also be directing Your Highness. Sure, this is a crude type of humor, finding comedy in masturbation jokes and foul language. That doesn’t make it less funny, and we will get to see Natalie Portman in a thong. It’s pretty much been decided that whatever movie she is in will become one of the most anticipated movies for that year.

The Hangover 2

In the running for comedy of the year will be The Hangover 2. Movies about guys getting drunk and doing ridiculous things relatively consequence free that we could never get away with in real life are always entertaining. What will make this movie great is the same thing that made the first one hilarious; the cameos. It is rumored that Ken Jeong and Mike Tyson will have repeat appearances, and Liam Neeson and Bill Clinton will be showing up to party as well. While there is controversy about Mel Gibson being dropped from the movie, I think Slick Willy will be plenty entertaining to make up for it.

Super 8

I’m not sure what I can say about Super 8 other than it is being directed by J. J. Abrams and it is about Area 51 in 1979. Those are about the only details of this movie that anyone knows at this point. Despite the lack of information, I dare you to watch this trailer and not agree that it is going to be awesome.

Green Lantern

I will admit that I am biased about Green Lantern. I am automatically assuming that Green Lantern will be awesome for several reason. First, I love comic books and Green Lantern is one of my favorite superheroes. Second, Ryan Reynolds is my man crush. With those two things combined, I can’t imagine anything resulting except for greatness. I am also pretty sure everyone else will enjoy Green Lantern because it is a movie about an intergalactic space cop hunting down alien criminals AKA the best idea anyone has ever had, ever.

Sucker Punch

Zack Snyder has gained a reputation for visually appealing and entertaining movies, and rightly so. Sucker Punch will add to that list of movies. The trailer has shown it will be stunning visually, and considering that it is basically Alice in Wonderland meets foxy boxing I don’t think the entertainment value will be anything to worry about. Any movie about a bunch of attractive and crazy girls trying to bust out of an asylum by fighting dragons, flying planes, and doing backflips in skimpy outfits will be pretty popular.

The Green Hornet

The biggest question about The Green Hornet is how believable Seth Rogen will be as a superhero. The part that people have to understand is that Seth Rogen won’t really be the superhero in the “guy who kicks a lot of ass” sense. Those ass kicking duties will be handled by Jay Chou as Kato, who will deliver many side flip kicks to the top of criminals’ heads. Seth Rogen is just the guy who funds the operation, has his heart in the right place, and will occasionally crack a joke or a bad guy’s skull. If people can accept this, than The Green Hornet will be a very entertaining action comedy. Plus it has the Black Beauty, one of the most awesome cars to ever be invented.

I make it no secret that I’m not a fan of the Oscars.  I’ll go into detail more a little later, but to sum up: it’s clear that the average man does not get a vote.  When’s the last time a movie that John & Jane Q. Public actually paid to see got nominated?  If the Dark Knight can’t get a nod, what will?  But seeing as how it’s award season I thought that we could use a mini award ceremony that celebrates a forgotten genre: Action movies.  Sci-fi movies.  Adventure movies that don’t have hobbits in them.  But since I can’t afford a ceremony, it looks like this list will have to do.

1) Best Ass-Kicker – Wolverine (X-Men Origins: Wolverine)

I literally stared at my computer forever trying to make this choice, that’s how competitive it was.  In the end it came down to a simple body count.  So while I wouldn’t want to challenge any of these dudes to a life and death brawl, Wolverine has bagged the most bodies of the group, therefore he has kicked the most ass.  Sometimes it’s that simple.

Nominees: Snake Eyes (G.I. Joe), Bryan Mills (Taken), Rorschach (Watchmen), Razio (Ninja Assassin)

2) Best Villain – Mary Lee Johnston (Precious)

I know that Precious is not an action movie or anything of the sort, but to be frank about it…action villains were lame this year.  Maybe Joker set the bar too high, I don’t know, but the bottom line is no villains this year struck fear into the hearts of the audience…except Mary.  That b**** was cold.  I mean cold.  I’d pick her in a fight over nerdy ass Cobra Commander any day of the week.

Nominees: The Fallen (Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen), Col. Hans Landa (Inglorious Basterds), Viktor (Underworld: Rise of the Lycans), Jennifer (Jennifer’s Body)

3) Best Heroine – Baroness (G.I. Joe)

Yes, I am aware that the Baroness was the villain for the majority of the movie, but frankly she was the most interesting part of G.I. Joe and again…where were my bad ass girls at in 2009?  The truth is that the Baroness was a heroine all along, she just couldn’t be who she was meant to be because she was being controlled by some guy, and what girl hasn’t been there before?  In the end, she broke free of her controlling masculine — and I use the term loosely — counterpart and kicked a lot of ass along the way.  That’s a heroine to me.

Nominees: Ginormica (Monster vs. Aliens), Scarlet (G.I. Joe), Silk Spectre II (Watchmen)

4) Best Hero – Bryan Mills (Taken)

First you have to understand what makes a hero: putting the needs of others above your own.  Bryan was the only hero that dove head first into danger for the sake of his daughter.  He didn’t sleep or eat or rest until he found her.  He left no stone unturned.  Oh and the key point in all this, he succeeded.  No sequel necessary to tie up loose ends.

Nominees: Wolverine (X-Men Origins: Wolverine), Rorschach (Watchmen), Duke (G.I. Joe), James T. Kirk (Star Trek)

5) Best Journey – X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Wolverine was hands down the best start to finish journey of this years movies.  It’s starts with him in the Weapon X program, then he quits, suffers the repercussion and goes on a quest for revenge.  You learned everything you needed to know about Wolverine life before the X-Men in one movie.  And what an incredible ride it was.

Nominees: Star Trek, District 9, Taken, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Fast & Furious

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