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Good Actors Making Bad Decisions

Posted by Jordan On July - 31 - 2010

It is amazing how some actors have such a commanding presence in movies that their performances are remembered for ages. For every highly praised movie there is an actor giving a highly praised performance. After watching such a movie and actor, like Brandon Marlo in The Godfather, it is hard to picture that actor as anything less than amazing. Unfortunately, many great actors make some poor decisions that tarnish their reputations. Usually this poor decision is star in a movie that can best be compared to a steaming pile of feces. These are great actors in terrible movies.

George Clooney – Batman & Robin


George Clooney has not only received the honor of formerly being the sexiest man alive, he got to play the World’s Greatest Detective AKA Batman. You might remember this incarnation of batman, he had nipples on his suit. He also had a credit card in the name of Batman. This movie almost killed what was a popular franchise up to that point. I suppose the only real highlight was laughing at Arnold Schwarzenegger’s corny lines as Mr. Freeze. Luckily for Batman fans everywhere, Christian Bale has saved the franchise and erased George Clooney’s Batman from our minds.

Michael Caine – Jaws: The Revenge


Nothing more needs to be said about Jaws: The Revenge other than it is the third movie in the Jaws franchise and it is called Jaws: The Revenge. It is about a shark seeking revenge. Seriously, that is the plot of the movie. Michael Caine was not well known for being Batman’s butler at this time, but still, he has way too much acting credibility to be in a Jaws sequel. All I can say is I hope he got a good paycheck for this embarrassment. Michael Caine has made up for this mistake later in his career, but if he could choose one movie to take back, I’d wager this would be it. As long as he got to keep his pay.

John Travolta – Battlefield Earth


John Travolta has been in some great movies. He has also been in Battlefield Earth. This is like a double whammy of poor decision making, as John Travolta not only starred in Battlefield Earth, but he was also the driving force behind getting this terrible movie made. Battlefield Earth was nothing but a recruitment movie for Scientology, but it would have been more effective if it had been good. Battlefield Earth also ended up as a blemish on respected actor Forest Whitaker’s resume.

Halle Berry – Catwoman


Halle Berry has long been one of the biggest names in Hollywood. Her role in Monster’s Ball cemented her position as one of the premiere actresses of her time. She was also one of the hottest Bond girls to grace the screen. When a Catwoman movie was announced, Halle Berry seemed like the perfect casting choice. She has the right combination of independence and ass kicking ability to make the perfect Catwoman. The writers of the movie decided to ignore all that character development nonsense and instead decided to focus the movie on a creepy cat lady who beats guys up with almost no semblance of plot. This was definitely not a movie Halle Berry will want to remember.

Robert De Niro – The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle


Robert De Niro is one of the most highly respected actors of our generation. He has been in such classic movies as Goodfellas, The Untouchables, and Taxi Driver. What is the best way to follow up this kind of success? If you ask De Niro himself, I am sure he will tell you the best way to build on that success is to not play the Russian Spy Boris in a live action Rocky and Bullwinkle movie. Unfortunately, De Niro learned this the hard way. The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle was a complete flop, and De Niro’s caricature of a Russian was not nearly as entertaining as it might have been during the Cold War. Luckily most people don’t remember that there was a Rocky and Bullwinkle movie, and fewer remember Robert De Niro being in it. I think it is safe to say his career recovered.

Popularity: 7% [?]

We took 64 of the meanest and nastiest movie villains ever created and brought them together for a no holds-barred tournament, to find out who is the evilest villain of all times.  For rules and details about the selection process click here.

ROUND 1: Northeast Region

ROUND 1: Northwest Region

ROUND 1: Southeast Region

ROUND 1: Southwest Region

ROUND 2: East Region

Click image to see an enlarged bracket.

Darth Vader and Michael Myers took surprising falls in the east regions second round series and Damien and Gordon Gekko are just getting warmed up.  Who will move closer to hell in this region?  Let’s get it on!

VS.

(4) Leatherface – Texas Chainsaw Massacre

(12) Cruella DeVil – 101 Dalmatians

Battle: Cruella had a good run but let’s face it, she’d never be a real threat to you or anyone you know.  You could run into her on the street and what’s she’s gonna do, take your dog?  If she really wanted to hurt somebody she’d have killed those dalmatian lovers and stole their dogs.  If you even try to drive down Leatherface’s street he’s going to kill you.

Winner: Leatherface

VS.

(1) Joker – The Dark Knight

(8) Simon Pheonix – Demolition Man

Battle: The Joker and Simon Phoenix were after the same thing: chaos.  Joker killed city officials, turned a hero DA is a psychopath and tried to blow up two (literal) boat loads of people.  Simon Pheonix…killed city officials.  So while I totally Wesley Snipes would beat Heath Ledger’s ass any day of the week, his resume comes up a little short.

Winner: Joker

VS.

(3) Catherine Tramell – Basic Instinct

(11) Clarence Boddicker – Robocop

Battle: Clarence Boddicker was really just out for a good time.  Should a cop get in his way — or anyone for that matter — he took pleasure in blowing them away.  Still, his objective was to party.  Catherine Tramell seemed to go out looking for trouble.  She wanted to twist people to her will and then kill them.  That’s some evil sh–.

Winner: Catherine Tramell

VS.

(2) Jason Voorhees – Friday the 13th

(7) Alonzo – Training Day

Battle: Alonzo was chasing power and respect which most would say is the root of all evil, but in a way he was just trying to restore order.  His order, but still order.  Jason Voorhees was a scared little boy looking for his mommy, but he was demented enough to believe that anyone who entered his camp was his enemy and deserved to die.  Jason had more demons.

Winner: Jason Voorhees

VS.

(4) Chucky – Child’s Play

(12) Peyton Flanders – The Hand that Rocked the Craddle

Battle: It’s the baby doll vs. the babysitter.  I think it’s safe to say that Peyton isn’t going to be rocking Chucky’s cradle anytime soon.  Yea she killed one guy and tried to take over a family, but let’s pretend she succeeded.  She’d have done anything to protect her family, but she wouldn’t go out of her way to hurt people.  If Chucky possessed a new body, his evil would know no bounds.

Winner: Chucky

VS.

(3) Norman Bates – Psycho

(11) Max Cady – Cape Fear

Battle:  Here’s the deal with Norman Bates: he (and his mother) just wanted to be left alone.  They could have stayed in that crappy motel for years and not interact with anyone.  Evil contained.  Max Cady had an itch he just had to scratch.  An itch for rape, if not murder to.  He’d never just sit alone and let it fester.

Winner: Max Cady

VS.

(1) Freddy Kruger – A Nightmare of Elm Street

(8) T-1000 – Terminator 2: Judgment Day

Battle: Just stop for a minute and imagine this battle for real.  Amazing right?  Well in terms of evil, the liquid terminators only objective was to assassinate (I think he is important enough to warrant the term) John Connor.  He didn’t really kill anyone he didn’t have to.  He wasn’t just poking bystanders in the eye with his liquid daggers.  Freddy would’ve.

Winner: Freddy Kruger

VS.

(7) General Thade – Planet of the Apes

(15) Maleficent – Sleeping Beauty

Battle: Hmm…General Thade kept slaves.  Maleficent never had any slaves.  Maleficent tried to kill a baby and then eat the prince that came to save the grown up baby.  General Thade would certainly kill a human baby and anyone who tried to stop him.  Isn’t it ironic that Maleficent’s “Cinderella” story dies here.

Winner: General Thade

Click image to see an enlarged bracket.

SWEET 16: EAST REGION AHEAD —->

Beaze and all his crazy antics, featured articles and random thoughts are now on twitter @Beazewriter

Popularity: 10% [?]

We took 64 of the meanest and nastiest movie villains ever created and brought them together for a no holds-barred tournament, to find out who is the evilest villain of all times.  For rules and details about the selection process click here.

ROUND 1: Northeast Region

Click image to see an enlarged bracket.

Only 8 matchups into the tournament and we already have surprises.  Not only did the Creeper (Jeepers Creepers) come out of nowhere and take down Jack Nicholson’s famous characters from the Shining, but we also had Gordon Gekko and the current economy redefine what it means to be evil.  What can we expect in the Northwest region?  Let’s find out.

VS.

(1) The Joker – the Dark Knight: Burned down a warehouse with Batman’s girl inside after making him believe he could save her.

(16) Bricktop – Snatch: ordered a house burned down with someone’s mother inside.

Winner: This is a blow out.  Joker by a mile.  Bricktop ordered a lot of stuff, but he did nothing.  He’s lucky to be invited to this dance.

VS.

(7) General Thade – Planet of the Apes: Enslaves the entire race of man.

(10) Ghostface – Scream: Stabbed dozens of horny teens to avenge his scorned mother.

Winner: The scream team (remember there were two) terrorized a small little town in the boonies.  General Thade enslaved and terrorized all of humankind, even killing his own apes if they stood in his way.  General Thade gets the nod.

VS.

(5) Jigsaw – Saw: Locked people into deadly traps and watched them torture themselves attempting to escape.

(12) Peyton Flanders – The Hand that Rocked the Cradle: Locked someone else’s baby in a room and breastfed him.

Winner:  This is a battle of the psychological villains.  Both were triggered by a tragic past, but Peyton Flanders has a slight edge because she tormented people and then did her own dirty work to keep it secret.  Jigsaw never killed his victims.  He was a coward.  Upset.  Peyton wins!

VS.

(8) Simon Pheonix – Demonlition Man: Notorious for his incredibly evil haircut.

(9) Headless Horeman – Sleepy Hollow: Notorious for his incredibly evil head cuts.

Winner: Interestingly enough both men were mentally controlled by a rich snob.  the difference is that Simon Pheonix couldn’t have been happier causing destruction and mayhem while the Headless Horseman just wanted to rest in the afterlife.  Advantage Simon Phoenix.

VS.

(4) Chucky – Child’s Play: A creepy old man, pretending to be a child so he can get inside a little boy’s body.

(13) Ivan Drago – Rocky IV: Beat Carl Weathers to death and said, “if he dies, he dies.”

Winner: Drago was a mean mutha f—–, but he didn’t intend to murder Rocky’s friend, he was just cold as ice when it happened.  Chucky is one evil son-of-a-b—-.  Next!  Chucky wins.

VS.

(3) Norman Bates – Psycho: Owns a motel in the middle of nowhere and murdered the woman who dared to stay the night.

(14) Alex Forrest – Fatal Attraction: She boiled a f— rabbit.  Alive.

Winner: Who’s the bigger psycho?  Well Norman Bates became his mother and killed multiple people while Alex Forrest…boiled a rabbit.  This isn’t a PETA contest.  Bates wins.  I mean the title of his movie is Psycho people.

VS.

(6) Tyler Durden – Fight Club: He set himself up to have his balls chopped off.

(11) Max Cady – Cape Fear: Bit the face off a woman he was raping.

Winner: What would Tyler Durden do in this competition?  Not a damn thing.  His rage was against the machine, not the people.  His terror wasn’t terror at all.  Max Cady bite the face off a lady he was raping.  That’s f—in’ evil.  Max Cady moves on.

VS.

(2) Dracula – Brom Stoker’s Dracula: Duh.  Murders his victims by draining their blood then curses them to become vampires.

(15) Maleficent – Sleeping Beauty: Cursed a baby to prick her finger and die.

Winner: It’s the battle of the supernaturally scary, but the question is who did the most evil?  On one hand Dracula has killed more people than he could count, but it was out of hunger and he seems capable of love and compassion.  Maleficent may not have killed anyone on record, but she only loves herself, everyone else is expendable.

I’m really torn.

Wow.

My gut says that Maleficent’s heart is blacker.  Holy smokes.  Maleficent wins.

Click image to see an enlarged bracket.

SOUTHEAST REGION AHEAD —->

Beaze and all his crazy antics, featured articles and random thoughts are now on twitter @Beazewriter

Popularity: 8% [?]

Robert Rodriguez’ Machete Finds a Home

Posted by wezzo On January - 25 - 2010

If you ever watched Grindhouse, you might recall the fake trailer by Robert Rodriguez, Machete. It was probably the best thing to come out of the double-feature. It hinted at a good story a Mexican day laborer is set up, double-crossed, and left for dead, then starts everyone’s worst nightmare. It carried with it gratuitous violence, a badass catchphrase “They just fucked with the wrong Mexican.”, Danny Trejo, & boobs. Remember? Sure you do.

Great news is Rodriguez made that movie, financed by himself, where he begged, borrowed and stole to do so. It has quite a powerhouse cast for an indie film though, Robert De Niro, Michelle Rodriguez (Lost), Jessica Alba, Lindsay Lohan, and Danny Trejo. Fox Studios signed on recently and this movie is a definite ‘GO’.

Check out the original mock trailer below that lead to the production of the Mexican not to be fucked with, Machete after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 1% [?]

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