Humor District

There are some movies that have been so iconic that later generations of filmmakers have to make their own versions of the same movie. Most of the time, this does not work out very well. It seems that the magic of the original is often lost when people try to remake classic films. Expectations for the remakes are so high because of the beloved status of the original movies that it is almost impossible for those expectations to be met. On rare occasions the remakes actually do meet these expectations and can be considered to be on the same level as the originals. It looks like the Coen Brothers’ remake of True Grit might actually be on this level. Check out the True Grit trailer below.

Yeah, it looks pretty damn good. Here are 5 other remakes that compared favorably to their predecessors.

3:10 To Yuma

Like True Grit, 3:10 to Yuma was a remake of a classic western film. The star studded cast of Christian Bale and Russell Crowe gave some great performances. Christian Bale was great as a former soldier who has lost his foot and the respect of his son. While he can’t get his foot back, he tries to earn the respect of his son by escorting a dangerous criminal, Russell Crowe, to the train that will take him to prison. Russell Crowe manages to be believable as a ruthless criminal who improbably has a very strict moral code. It all added up to a great western movie for a new generation.

The Fly

The original The Fly was made way back in 1958. It was an astounding movie for the time, but when 1986 rolled around it was decided that The Fly needed a remake. Director David Cronenberg cast Jeff Goldblum as his eccentric scientist who tries to use transportation technology to woo Geena Davis. As usual, trying to impress a girl leads to disaster and ruin when a fly gets into Goldblum’s teleportation device, turning Jeff Goldblum into a man/fly hybrid that is unfortunately more fly than man. Since this was not a romantic comedy, the transformation led to horrifying events rather than quirky misunderstandings and audiences loved it.

Friday the 13th

Jason Vorhees is one of the most terrifying characters in modern cinema. There were numerous Jason movies made in the 80′s but they went down in quality and he eventually fell off the map. Around 2009, moviemakers decided that kids at camp were not filled with enough terror, so Friday the 13th was reborn. Jason came back with a vengeance, making up for all his lost time in killing sexy teenagers. The remake captured the walking specter of death that was Jason Vorhees perfectly and gave young campers a new reason to be homesick. At least there aren’t homicidal maniacs back there.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

The original Texas Chainsaw Massacre was one of the most iconic horror movies of all time. It has spawned many sequels, including a terrible one called Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation starring Matthew McConaughey and Renee Zelwegger. The 2003 remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre starring Jessica Biel was incredible. First of all, she looked damn good in it. That had to be said. The carnage that Leatherface inflicted was gory, disturbing, and awesome. Adding in fake police footage for the “based on true events” side of the movie was a great touch as well.

The Thing

The Thing is a remake of the classic movie, The Thing from Another World. The Thing is a far superior movie to The Thing from Another World, not least of all for shortening that bulky title. The suspense in The Thing was a work of masterfully created art. The audience was kept in suspense about the identity of the shape changing killer and every character was a suspect for most of the movie. The final reveal was shocking and horrifying as the true killer was revealed and the final battle for survival began. The Thing is not only one of the best remakes of all time, but one of the scariest movies as well.

Popularity: 6% [?]

It seems that once somebody becomes a movie star we start watching everything they do, even if it doesn’t relate to movies. We become interested in what cars they are driving, what clothes they are wearing, and what nation they are adopting children from. Essentially we take away all of their privacy. Having every move analyzed can be stressful for celebrities, luckily watching them all the time means we get to see them blow up. When I say blow up, I mean 4th of July style fireworks, just replace the explosions with craziness. Sometimes this outrageous behavior is just as entertaining as their movies. We have many examples of celebrities hitting the self-destruct button, let’s take the time to look back on some of the most memorable.

Mel Gibson Hates Everyone

A while back Mel Gibson got arrested for drunk driving. This, unfortunately, wouldn’t be huge news if it wasn’t for his behavior during his arrests. He released a barrage of anti-semitic comments, blaming Jewish people for literally all the wars in the world. I’m not sure if any of the arresting officers were Jewish, but Mel Gibson did his best to piss them off specifically by referring to the female officer as sugar breasts. He just said it in a less polite way. We thought that was as bad as things would get for crazy old Mel, but he recently outdid himself. His former girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva recently recorded some of Mel Gibson’s rants against her. He said that she dressed in a way that might lead to forcible sex with black men, and threatened to burn down her house, but only after she gives him mouth love. Again, Mel Gibson used some more offensive terms than a gentleman like myself would use. At least he didn’t blame Jewish people for his craziness.

Do Not Distract Christian Bale

The filming of Terminator Salvation revealed that the actor best known for playing Batman has an explosive temper. Christian Bale is well known for immersing himself in a role, often times taking it to extremes. With the amount of preparation he puts into his acting, it is no surprise that he doesn’t like interruptions. What was a surprise was how much he dislikes interruptions. When a member of the lighting crew walked through and ruined a scene, he felt the full force of Christian Bale’s fury. There were many expletives shouted, threats to break some lights, and Bale sounding like an asshole. It definitely seemed like a bit of an overreaction considering he would most likely have to shoot that scene 30 times even if he wasn’t interrupted.

Alec Baldwin Compares Child to Livestock

Sometimes you love somebody so much it hurts. At least that is a saying I’ve heard of. Apparently Alec Baldwin believes in the less often heard saying “love somebody so much you insult them repeatedly in a phone message”. When his 11 year old daughter didn’t answer his phone call, Alec Baldwin decided the appropriate response would be to leave a message calling her a disgusting little pig, threatening to hit her with a brick, and asking her to tell her mother to fornicate with herself. Not a very classy move from the star of 30 Rock and many movies. The best part was he seemed unsure of his own daughter’s age, switching between 12 and 11. Maybe that’s why she didn’t answer the phone.

Russell Crowe Breaks Phones

Being in a movie like Gladiator can really get that testosterone flowing. Considering the phenomenal job that Russell Crowe did in Gladiator, it is not that surprising that he had some trouble distinguishing which actions from that movie were actually appropriate in real life. While staying in a hotel, Russell Crowe was unable to place a phone call. Feeling like he was being held back by whiny little emperor, Russel Crowe led a one man revolt against the hotel tyrant. His weapon of choice was the phone. He mistook the hotel concierge for the previously mentioned, and fictional, hotel tyrant. This resulted in a violent meeting between the airborne phone and the concierge’s face, and Russell Crowe being escorted away by the boys in blue.

David O. Russell and Actors Do Not Get Along

David O. Russell is a director who is no stranger to outbursts. He actually came to blows with George Clooney during the filming of Three Kings, after Clooney commented on Russell’s verbal abuse of the staff. Russell proceeded to call Clooney an ass and a word meaning lady’s reproductive organs, and tried to choke him. You’d think that he would only have one outburst of crazy like that in a lifetime, but that was not the case. During the filming of I heart Huckabees, Russell went after actress Lily Tomlin. Luckily he did not try to strangle her, but he did call her an even worse word for lady parts than he used on Clooney. He then proceeded to break parts of the set and lock himself in his office. That’s how adults solve their problems, kids.

Popularity: 4% [?]

There was a time when seeing a cowboy movie meant saloons and shootouts, not two guys hugging each other in a tent. Westerns has a certain no nonsense approach to them. There was a man who represented all that was manly, and he’d track the bad guys until he got his chance to shoot them down. Unless of course he was the bad guy, in which case he would have a certain amount of honor in gunning the sheriff down. These men were the reason we asked our parents for little cowboy hats and would pretend the rocking chair was a bucking bronco. None of us could match up to the manliness of these great cowboys though.

Rooster Cogburn – John Wayne

John Wayne played US Marshal Rooster Cogburn in the movie True Grit. He started the movie out as a man who loved his liquor and a cat named General Sterling Price. He didn’t seem like a very promising prospect when a little girl, Mattie Ross, asked for his help in tracking down her father’s killer. He seems like an exceptionally poor choice when a Texas Ranger has already offered his assistance. Cogburn still loves his drink, but he shows that he knows his business when it comes to hunting down the bad guys. He, the Ranger, and Maddie catch up with the killer and Cogburn puts him down and leaps into a hole to save Maddie who has been bitten by a rattlesnake. He then proceeds to carry her to safety. That’s what makes Rooster Cogburn a real man.

Man With No Name – Clint Eastwood

Clint Eastwood revolutionized Westerns with his portrayal of the Man With No Name. Before him, most stars of Westerns were straight laced guys who went out and got the bad guys and rode off into the sunset. The Man With No Name would also go get the bad guys, he just expected to be paid for it. There is an old saying that if you’re good at something, don’t do it for free. The Man With No Name was good at tracking people down and putting a bullet through them, so bounty hunter was the obvious career path for him. Through him we got to see a more lawless Western, where the fastest (and most accurate) gun decided what was right.

Ben Wade – Russell Crowe

Russell Crowe showed our generation can also turn out a pretty badass cowboy. Russell Crowe played the infamous bandit Ben Wade in 2007′s 3:10 to Yuma. Here we saw a ruthless criminal, but a criminal with honor. When he was captured and taken to the Yuma train he certainly didn’t make things easy for his escorts. They dropped off one by one, until only a simple farmer was left to get him to the train. To make matters worse, Wade’s gang was putting the city they were in under siege to try and rescue their boss. The farmer manages to get Wade to the train, sacrificing his life to do it. Wade saw what his captor had done and showed that criminals can have honor too, shooting his gang and boarding the train to prison of his own free will. Of course he was already well experienced in escaping from prison, reducing his worry of being hanged, but it was still a nice gesture.

Bernardo O’Reilly – Charles Bronson

Charles Bronson is famous for playing the bad guy in movies, but he was one of the best good guys in The Magnificent Seven. He was Bernardo O’Reilly, one of seven hired guns who were paid to protect a Mexican town from bandits. While other members of the gang were definitely in it for the money, O’Reilly formed a connection with the town, especially the children. As a result, he was ready to fight when the bandits showed up. That was more than could be said for some of the others. When they get run out of town by the bandits, Bernardo is more than willing to go back and save those he has grown to care for. When he sees the children in danger he leaps into action and saves them, giving up his life to do it. There’s an example of supreme manliness.

Doc Holliday – Val Kilmer

Val Kilmer gave the best performance of his career as Doc Holliday in Tombstone. He is a drinker, a gambler, and the best gunslinger around. That description already solidifies his reputation as being awesome. Unfortunately, Doc Holliday has tuberculosis and goes through life gravely ill. This doesn’t stop him from doing everything he can to help out his friends though. Even with his poor health, Doc Holliday doesn’t shy away from gunfights. His draw is still the fastest around and no criminal can beat him. He didn’t die protecting his friends because he was too good to be put down by any man. Eventually his health gives out and he dies peacefully, knowing he has done all the good he can. More importantly, he had the best quotes in the movie. “I’m your huckleberry”.

Popularity: 4% [?]

Ridley Scott is teaming up with Russell Crowe in the latest film depiction of Robin Hood. They were great together in Gladiator, and honestly Robin Hood looks fairly similar as far as visuals go. I suppose some parallels could be found in the story with a single man getting the support of the masses against corrupt politicians, but there’s no need to get into all of that.

We already know that Ridley Scott knows his way around fight scenes, and I expect plenty from Robin Hood. What I’m also expecting is great acting with names such as Russell Crowe, William Hurt, and Cate Blanchett involved with this. It might look similar to Gladiator, but Robin Hood is likely to be remembered as its own great movie.

Popularity: 2% [?]

It doesn’t really take a blockbuster movie to make the days of the ancient Romans and Greeks seem awesome. There were so many wars going, gladiatorial battles, and gods coming down and knocking up mortal women that it seems like every day was an adventure on a grand scale. Of course movies and television shows aren’t satisfied with this level of greatness, and put in as much action, sex, and more action that they can. That’s what makes these eras perfect for movies.

This is the latest show based in ancient Rome. Spartacus is the most famous of the gladiators to fight in the Colosseum. This show has an extreme amount of blood and violence, and pretty much any time that there isn’t somebody being decapitated there is some crazy sex going on. The only drawback is the male nudity. I’m sure some people like me, and there was a lot of nudity going on during that time period, I’m just not a huge fan of dongs flapping in the wind.

Rome was a great show on HBO. It followed ancient Rome as historical events turned Rome into an Empire. This show did a great job of weaving actual historical events and notable figures through the eyes of two common soldiers. Ray Stevenson plays Titus Pullo, one of those common soldiers and also a complete bad ass.

Ben-Hur is a classic. It might be ridiculously long, but that’s just because it covers so much. Charlton Heston plays a Jewish prince who gets the shaft from his childhood friend Mesalla, and becomes a slave. He works his way up and becomes loved by the Romans, participates in the most bad ass chariot race that has ever happened, and hangs out with Jesus a little bit. While this is an older movie, it is just as powerful, if not more so, than any other movie on this list.

Brad Pitt is awesome in Troy as Achilles. Basically all 6 hours of Troy are great to watch because it really is seeing ancient legends come to life. We get to see a demigod tear through mortal men until a lucky shot brings him down, we see how insanely hot Helen of Troy is, and we see what a pussy Paris was. For those of you who don’t know your Greek history, Paris is the guy who stole Helen away from Menelaus and started the war. Eric Bana plays Prince Hector, Paris’ older brother, and possibly the coolest guy in the movie who dies for his brother. I hate you Paris.

Russell Crowe made a name for himself in Gladiator. That doesn’t mean that people didn’t know who Russell Crowe was before Gladiator, but he was a household name after. Gladiator was an extremely well done movie chronicling the fall of a Roman soldier into the arena as a Gladiator, and how his fighting prowess made him the most influential man alive. The fight scenes are brutal and extremely well done, and let’s be honest, that’s what most of us care about. The entire story is an inspiring one though, as a man loses everything, his power, his family,and his country, only to rise up higher than ever before.

Popularity: 6% [?]

There are some movies that just make you proud to be a man. When you watch them you can’t help but feel the desire to go out and let off some testosterone fueled destruction. These are the movies that make you want to assert your dominance over the next person you see. These are the 5 manliest movies of all time.

300 is one of the greatest guy movies of all time. It involves a group of men, who have the physiques we wish we did, kicking an extraordinary amount of ass. 10,000 guys? No problem, these 300 Spartans will casually kill all of them. Even when hulking mutated monstrosities make their charge against the Spartans they are cut down like the rest. This movie can be summed up in the words Queen Gorgo gives to a departing King Leonidas: “Come back with your shield, or on it.” There is no halfway for a Spartan.

Gladiator is essentially the story of one man against all of Rome. As guys, we can appreciate this because we all have a bit of a lone wolf mentality. We all wish we could be the guy who made a difference, preferably by being muscular and killing other less manly men. Russell Crowe also shows conviction in his beliefs and loyalty to his family, despite the fact that this leads to his death. Going out in a blaze of glory like that is also extremely manly.

Batman is quite possibly the manliest man ever. He is in peak physical condition, is rakishly handsome, has oodles of money and women, and is one of the smartest men alive. That is known as the complete package of manliness. What makes The Dark Knight so manly is the fact it shows a more vulnerable side of Batman, as he struggles with his decision to not kill. While all the things I previously listed make Batman manly, it his conviction to his morals and ability to make hard decisions that make The Dark Knight a manly movie. That and the multiple thugs getting the crap beat out of them.

Yipee-ki-yay motherfucker. That’s all you need to know about the manly factor of Die Hard. For those of you who don’t feel satisfied with that quote, let me give you a basic overview of Die Hard. Bruce Willis plays New York cop John McClane, who is at an office party trying to reconcile things with his wife. A bunch of terrorists decide that this office party is the perfect place to enact their overly complicated plan. John McClane does not stand for this. He is an unstoppable engine of terrorist destruction, and is so manly that even a floor covered in glass is no match for his bare feet. Die Hard is unarguably one of the manliest movies of all time.

Yes, I realize some of you are feeling your manhood shrivel up just by reading The Notebook on this list. Relax for a second and give me a chance to explain. Is there anything manlier than getting, shall we say, intimate with a lady friend? If anything manlier than that has been invented, please let me know. For now though, I think it can be agreed that seducing women is a fairly manly activity. In that respect, no movie has done more for men seeking the entrance to lady pants than The Notebook. This movie is classified as an aphrodisiac, that’s how powerfully it affects women. It might not have enough violence and bloodshed for most guys’ liking, but it is an invaluable tool for the manliest pursuit of all.

Popularity: 5% [?]