Humor District

James Gunn might not be a name you are familiar with, but he has done some good work in the film industry. He wrote screenplays for Scooby Doo movies and Dawn of the Dead, and he also directed the hilarious, but under appreciated, Slither. You might also know him from his amusing internet shorts, PG Porn. His next project is the upcoming movie Super. Super is definitely an indie film, but it has some big names attached, such as Rainn Wilson, Ellen Page, Live Tyler, and Kevin Bacon. Basically all you need to know about this movie before watching this trailer is Dwight from The Office dresses like a superhero and fights Kevin Bacon and Nathan Fillion is some sort of long hair Jesus superhero. Best. Movie. Ever.

After watching the trailer, this movie seems to have a lot of similarities to another semi superhero indie movie, namely Defendor with Woody Harrelson. Both movies have a guy of seemingly below average intelligence and a lack of social skills putting on poorly made costumes and fighting crime with questionable weapons. They also both feature quirky young female sidekicks, Ellen Page in Super and Kat Dennings in Defendor. The good part about these similarities is that Defendor was actually a very entertaining and well done movie. Hopefully Super will take this oddball wanting to be a superhero thing in a different direction than Defendor did though. Judging by the trailer, and the all star cast, Super will be one hell of a fun movie to watch in between the blockbuster superhero movies with their Ryan Reynolds, and big budgets, and fancy schmancy special effects.

Popularity: 4% [?]

Halloween is a great time of year. Girls dress up in revealing outfits, we eat lots of candy without feeling bad about it, articles use terrible Halloween puns, and tv shows put out awesome Halloween specials. I personally find the Halloween episodes of many shows to be some of the best episodes. There is something inherently entertaining about seeing our favorite fictional characters dress up as other fictional characters. Some shows know how to create a better Halloween special than others, perfectly encapsulating the essence of the holiday. These episodes have scares, costumes, and are just an all around good time. Here are some of the best Halloween specials to ever be shown on television.

The Simpsons – Treehouse of Horror V

The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror has become a staple in Halloween programming. Every year The Simpsons parodies famous scary movies and books with the residents of Springfield, and these episodes are consistently hilarious. Perhaps the best Treehouse of Horror installment was the fifth, which featured parodies of Ray Bradbury’s story A Sound of Thunder and Stephen King’s The Shining. Homer’s line of “No tv and no beer mak Homer go crazy” captured his insanity in a way Jack Nicholson wishes he could have. Well maybe that is a bit of an overstatement, but it is very rare that watching a man try to murder his family is as entertaining as this.

It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown

It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown is one of the best Halloween specials ever made. While it wasn’t part of an ongoing series, it has become an annual television tradition to show this episode on Halloween. Charles Schulz had great success with his Charlie Brown comic strip, Peanuts, and it made the transition to television beautifully. The show had all the innocence of the comic strip, along with the bittersweet feelings of childhood. Watching Linus wait for the Great Pumpkin to appear is one of the sweetest things to ever be shown on tv. If that’s a little too sappy for you, you also get to see people call Charlie Brown a blockhead and give him rocks instead of candy. I still think he should have thrown those rocks at some windows.

South Park – Spookyfish

South Park has had some great Halloween episodes. My personal favorite was the episode entitled Spookyfish. Stan gets a pet fish who somehow manages to go on a killing spree. Perhaps more terrifying than that is Stan’s mom’s reaction, who buries all the bodies she believes her little boy has killed. The highlight of this episode though is Cartman’s evil twin, complete with a goatee. Of course Cartman’s evil twin is one heck of a nice guy, which leads to some great misunderstandings.

Scooby-Doo – Headless Horseman of Halloween

Scooby-Doo was essentially an entire series of Halloween specials, but one actual Halloween episode stands head and shoulders above the others. The episode Headless Horseman of Halloween was great for several reasons. First off, the mystery part of the show was pretty good. Scooby-Doo, Shaggy, and the rest of the gang go to a regular 70′s Halloween party, where Fred is definitely planning on putting a move on Daphne. Unfortunately he is interrupted when the Headless Horseman crashes the party. Scooby-Doo and Shaggy get scared, and most likely high, eat some Scooby Snacks. What separates this episode from the standard ones was the inclusion of Scooby-Dum, who is apparently Scooby-Doo’s mentally handicapped cousin. That’s great television.

The League – Ghost Monkey

The League is surprisingly hilarious for a show about friends who play fantasy football. The second season Halloween special is one of the funniest Halloween specials ever made. First, Taco steals a monkey, who subsequently gets accidentally thrown for a moving car. Strange things begin to happen and Taco suspects the vengeful spirit of the monkey. Ruxin goes absolutely insane when Pete gives him access to his fantasy football line-up, and Jenny tries to be sexy in the “fat old frog” costume her six year old daughter makes her wear. Oh yeah, Pete also starts to date a girl in a witch costume, who turns out to be an actual Wiccan. The episode culminates in a seance for the ghost monkey. As you have probably guessed by now, hilarity ensues.

Popularity: 9% [?]

A popular hobby on the internet seems to be dubbing old children’s shows. Dubbing consists of doing voice overs for the characters, which usually means we see Scooby Doo uttering an assortment of profanities. As juvenile as this might seem, the results are often hilarious. I could get into a lengthy explanation of how the juxtaposition of innocent characters and naughty language provides an entertaining amount of shock value, but I think I’ll let the results speak for themselves. Be warned, there are naughty words ahead!

I’m the Juggernaut, Bitch!

This dubbed episode of The X-Men is quite possibly the most famous dub ever done. This dub is so well known that when the Juggernaut was introduced in the X-Men movies, he actually uttered the famous line: “I’m the goddamn Juggernaut!” That is pretty much the highest peak of internet fame one can achieve. It is a long video but it keeps the laughs coming, and I could watch it many many times before it got old. It definitely makes me want to go outside and yell that I am the Juggernaut.

Aladdin in Compton

When it comes to dubs that are all about being vulgar, Aladdin from Compton reigns supreme. I warned you about that kind of language, don’t look so shocked. Alright, so I didn’t warn you about all the drug references, stop being such a sissy. If you didn’t laugh when the monkey started doing his little dance, you are dead inside. It might not be fair to dub a video with a dancing monkey, as that is already hilarious, but Aladdin from Compton is pretty entertaining all the way around.

G.I. Joe Teaches a Very Important Lesson

The old G.I. Joe cartoons are perhaps best known for the public service announcements at the end of each episode. Various Joes would warn children about the dangers of sticking their heads in microwaves or getting into the backs of windowless vans. The G.I. Joe PSA dubs are hilarious for the bad advice the Joes are giving children, and also threatening children. Apparently seeing giant muscled men threaten awkward little children is the height of hilarity.

Dirty Dirty Dinosaurs

Dinosaurs was kind of a dirty show on its own. There were plenty of adult oriented jokes that went over my little head when I used to watch it. This dub ran with the adult theme and took it to some pretty extreme levels. This Dinosaurs dub rivals the Aladdin from Compton dub in terms of pure vulgarity. Those of you who are as immature as I am will find this dub just as hilarious as the Aladdin one.

Skeletor’s Stinky Sh… Poop

Speaking of immature, this dub is about Skeletor’s nefarious plot to beat He-Man by pooping in a box. That is absolutely hilarious to me, and Skeletor’s insistence that this will work makes this one of the best dubs ever. The sad part is this isn’t that much more far fetched than most of Skeletor’s actual plots in the He-Man cartoon. When they get around to making a new live action He-Man movie, there will almost certainly be a reference to pooping in a box. I’d bet Orco’s life on it.

Popularity: 7% [?]

Before we start this article, you should be warned that there are a number of spoilers ahead. We will be discussing the twist endings of some movies, and these are rather vital parts of those movies. You have been warned. When it comes down to it, the ending is what makes or breaks a movie. A movie with a slow build up and an amazing end is remembered for that crescendo. A movie that has been good but has a disappointing ending will be remembered for the letdown. Directors use the twist ending to ensure there movie leaves the audience stunned and wanting more, unfortunately a good twist ending is hard to pull off. It has to be believable, but the audience can’t see it coming. Here are some examples of twist endings that made us do a double-take.

The Sixth Sense

M. Night Shyamalan is known for putting twist endings into his movies, even when a twist ending really isn’t necessary. It has even become a bit of a running joke with him. This started because of the popularity of the twist in The Sixth Sense. The movie started off alright, with Haley Joel Osment seeing dead people everywhere, and Bruce Willis shows up to help him with his problem. Things seemed to be getting better and BAM! Bruce Willis has been dead the whole time. That ending came in out of left field and took audiences by surprise, but Shyamalan left clues throughout the movie that make the ending seem obvious in repeat viewings. That’s how a twist ending is done, folks.

The Usual Suspects

Kevin Spacey plays a small time con man who is the last man standing in a crime gone wrong. The Usual Suspects details his account of what led up to the deaths of his fellow criminals as he is being interrogated by police. Spacey weaves an intricate tale of deceit and betrayal masterminded by a Mr. Kobayashi. Thinking that Spacey’s story has revealed the truth, the detective has no choice to let him go. He then notices that a surprising number of things in his office have the same names as people in Spacey’s story, including a coffee mug with a Kobayashi logo on it. Kevin Spacey was the mastermind criminal the entire time. The detective runs outside to catch him, but Spacey is long gone by then.

Scream

Scream started out as a typical slasher film. There was a guy in a costume going around killing douchey guys and shapely girls. It was entertaining, but most of the movie did very little to set it apart from other slasher films. Then we got to the ending and our world was turned upside down. We had just seen Shaggy from Scooby-Doo get chopped to pieces, but wait! He is actually the killer! He used corn syrup to fake his death. That’s not all though. It turns out there were two killers the entire time. You just can’t trust anybody these days.

Stephen King’s The Mist

It seems that Thomas Jane can’t be in movies without people he cares about getting killed. He was in The Punisher where his family was killed by the mob. He was in Deep Blue Sea where many of his friends and coworkers are eaten by sharks. Then came The Mist, with possibly the most depressing ending of all. The movie revolves around this other dimensional mist that has taken over a town and killed off most of the population. It seems that all is lost at the end of the movie with five survivors trapped in a truck, including Thomas Jane and his son. Jane has a gun with four bullets left and decides to kill the others so they don’t have to face the agony of the mist. After killing everyone else, Jane steps out of the truck to find the army waiting to rescue him. And that is why patience is a virtue.

The Descent

The Descent was one of the scariest movies made in quite a long time. It follows a group of female cave explorers who explore the wrong cave. The uncharted series of caverns and tunnels is the home to mutated miners who crave human flesh. The lady explorers must become animals themselves to survive as they begin to be killed one by one. Soon there is only one left, but she makes a daring escape! Oh, wait, no she didn’t. She hallucinated and is now surrounded by monsters who are going to eat her face.

Popularity: 20% [?]

Admit it, we’ve all been there. Younger versions of ourselves would be intrigued be the female characters on our Saturday morning cartoons. We didn’t completely understand it, but we would have conversations with our friends about how if the Baroness from G.I. Joe was real we would totally…well, we didn’t know yet. We would do whatever it is prepubescent boys do with girls, which is probably throw mud at them and run away giggling so they know how much we liked them. Yes, these 7 cartoon ladies led us towards manhood when our parents felt too awkward to tell us what we should actually expect from women.

1. Teela – He-Man and the Masters of the Universe

Teela was the headstrong redhead from He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, and her outfit was as minimal as He-Man’s. We just didn’t feel as awkward when we noticed that she was showing a lot of skin. She gave us the impression that girls could actually be fun, and since I am talking about our childhood selves I mean because of her adventuring ways, not her outfit. She was always the one leading the charge against Skeletor and his goons, and that’s the kind of fearlessness boys admire. Of course she would always get into trouble and need He-Man and his exposed nipples to save her, allowing the boys to feel superior. Also, she never could figure out that He-Man was Prince Adam wearing underwear and suspenders. We were way smarter than her.

2. April – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

April O’Neill was a news reporter by day, friend of four mutated crime stopping turtles by night. What was it that drew our younger selves towards her? I believe it was her shared taste for pizza and the fact that she had absolutely no problem hanging out with four man-sized talking turtles. If she could get through that to sit down to dinner with them then there was no way she would care about our oversized ears everybody else made fun of. She also hung out in the sewer with them, which would make our rooms seem immaculate by comparison. Tell me why I should pick up my socks now, mom! Plus we all thought we were totally radical, just like the teenage mutant ninja turtles.

3. Wonder Woman – Super Friends

Wonder Woman wore a pretty revealing outfit, always had on stripper boots and owned an invisible jet. I suppose our younger selves liked the first two things, but even then we knew that the idea of the invisible jet was pretty stupid. The motivation for our crush on Wonder Woman goes beyond all of this and can be summed up in one sentence: Wonder Woman hung out with Batman. If we could get close to Wonder Woman, she would introduce us to Batman, he’d think we were awesome and invite us to join the Super Friends and drive Wonder Woman around in his Batmobile occasionally. Of course he’d have to kick out the Wonder Twins, but that’s not much of a downside.

4. Daphne – Scooby Doo

Apparently our younger selves had something for the redheads. Daphne was essentially the cartoon version of the popular girl we always had a crush on. She was the good looking one who was not too bright and always enjoyed wearing  short dresses. We all knew the only reason she was with the gang solving mysteries was because of that douche nozzle Fred. Perhaps that is what led many young men of our generation to trade in ascots for blowouts, seeking their own Daphnes. While we knew she was out of our league, we still harbored that crush. What 10 year old wouldn’t want to hang out with  girl who had a talking dog?

5. Velma – Scooby-Doo

While Daphne was put upon the pedestal, Velma became our view of the realistically attainable girl. She had all the noticeable lady parts that Daphne had, she just did not flaunt them. She had glasses, she was smart, and she was often overlooked. We still noticed her though. We knew we were smarter than Fred, and thus we would have to be paired up with the smarter girl. Through process of elimination, that left Velma. While our crushes on her weren’t as much as for Daphne, Velma still had a talking dog. Scooby-Doo was a win/win situation for us. We also knew Shaggy was no competition whatsoever.

6. Cheetara – Thundercats

Whenever we hear “Thundercats HOOOO!” we all think of Cheetara. There was kind of a Smurfette situation going on with Cheetara, as she was the only female member of the Thundercats. Well at least the only one we noticed. I could get into stuff about how she fought with a staff that extends in her hands, but I doubt any of us really noticed that joke until we stopped telling people we were still watching Thundercats. Cheetara just grabbed our attention by being the only girl on the team, and one who really just looked like a chick who was into hair metal rather than a cat hybrid.

Popularity: 33% [?]

Always a bridesmaid, never a bride for these unlucky ladies, but truth be told, if the male heroes had any sense whatsoever, they’d realize that these prime choices would make far better mates then the cover girls they’ve selected.

5) Faith – Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Who she was dumped for: Buffy Summers

Why she wasn’t chosen: We can’t just disregard the fact that Faith went nuts and killed a lot of people.  She can also be very isolated, irritable and unstable at times.

Why she should’ve been chosen: So what she had an affinity for torturing tied up men with sharp objects, some people call that a fetish.  Buffy was always a little bland.  A little too “I can do bad all by myself.”  Faith is accepting of your flaws because the pot can’t call the kettle black.  You’d do a lot more of holding each other up, then with Buffy’s “I got this” attitude.

4) Erika – Underworld

Who she was dumped for: Selene

Why she wasn’t chosen: Erika was just a little too desperate wasn’t she?  Not many men are interested in a woman who completely throws herself out there.  Most prefer to see a little restraint.  A little challenge.  And of course there was her whole, “I want to be queen” attitude that would make you wonder if she was after you or the crown.

Why she should’ve been chosen: She’d love you until it hurt.  Of course she’s into your status, what woman isn’t?  Erika is completely willing to go above and beyond for you and she’s right there!  No need to go chasing after the one woman you can’t have, simply because you can’t have her.  The second you catch her, the fantasy dies and you’re just going to let her go anyway.

3) Storm – X-Men

Who she was dumped for: Jean Grey

Why she wasn’t chosen: Come on, do I really have to say it?

Why she should’ve been chosen: First and most importantly, there isn’t a psychopath deep down inside Storm just waiting to burst out.  Second, she’s not going to be all up in your business trying to read your mind like she’s knows everything.  Storm is chill, and if she’s not, she can make it chill.

2) Annie – Community

Who she was dumped for: Britta

Why she wasn’t chosen: Annie is not the made up blonde with tons of “experience” who flaunts her beauty hoping that someone will notice but then pretends to not like the attention.  And she’s extremely awkward.

Why she should’ve been chosen: She’s also not the self-righteous “independent” woman who think she doesn’t need a man to be happy.  Annie just wants a man to be there for her and take care of her.  She wants security in a frightening world.  She wants a “king.”  You want to be a king right?  Oh, and when she lets her hair down and actually tries (as you see above)…she way hotter than Britta.

1) Velma – Scooby Doo

Who she was dumped for: Daphne

Why she wasn’t chosen: Look at those ugly coke bottles?  Thelma could use some social skills as well, I mean the girl could talk your ear off about stuff that nerds don’t even care about.  And she always had a habit of explaining stuff to people like they are too stupid to see whats right in front of them.

Why she should’ve been chosen: She has a brain.  No one like a brainiac, but no one likes an airhead either.  I’d take an intelligent beauty over a drop dead gorgeous moron any day.  Okay, maybe not any day, but certainly the next day.

Beaze and all his crazy antics, featured articles and random thoughts are now on twitter @Beazewriter

Popularity: 12% [?]