Humor District

Let Me In looks like it just might be the best horror movie released in quite a long time. It has all the elements to make up something truly terrifying, including vampires that don’t sparkle and little kids being creepy. There is nothing more unsettling than creepy kids. This might even be the movie to bring a date to, she’ll want to cuddle when she’s scared. Or he’s scared, it could work for you too, ladies. Read on for some more great reasons to see Let Me In.

Chloe Moretz

Chloe Moretz made her Hollywood debut in Kick-Ass as the deadly Hit-Girl. She did a damn fine job of it, which is very impressive. It is hard to make a little girl believable as a ruthless and efficient killer, but Chloe Moretz pulled it off. At the same time, she still made it clear in some scenes that she was just a little girl. It was a terrific performance, and it showed that she could be a great kid character in movies that aren’t for kids. In Let Me In she will be draining blood for her victims and will no longer be a vigilante. She will still be awesome though.

Cloverfield

Matt Reeves is the director of Let Me In. He also happens to be the director of Cloverfield. Cloverfield managed to be an entertaining and scary movie despite the fact that the monster is rarely seen. What Matt Reeves showed with Cloverfield is he knows how to create truly scared characters without a whole lot of need for blood and gore. It relies on the pacing and the build up of suspense, just like Let Me In will. If he mixes in that blood and gore, Let Me In has a chance at being great.

John Lindqvist’s Novel

If you didn’t know, Let Me In is based off of a novel by John Lindqvist, also titled Let Me In. It is a great read, I would go so far as to recommend going out and getting the book before you go see the movie. It is also the type of book that translates well into a movie, as proven by the Swedish film Let the Right One In. Let the Right One In was a good movie, but now that Matt Reeves has seen that movie, he knows how to make John Lindqvist’s novel into an even better movie.

Kodi Smit-McPhee

Kodi Smit-McPhee, like Chloe Moretz, is a young actor who has proven himself to be quite capable. You might remember him from the movie The Road as the son of Viggo Mortensen. In The Road Smit McPhee had to deal with cannibals, intense cold, and generally being one of the last human beings alive. Dealing with the little vampire girl next door shouldn’t be any problem for him at all.

Elias Koteas

There is one reason why I am excited about Elias Koteas being in Let Me In. He is Casey Jones from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies. It is just a perfect bit of nostalgia for my inner nerd. For those of you who didn’t have childhoods, Casey Jones was the guy who wore a hockey mask and used various sports equipment to hand out his painful style of vigilante justice. Koteas is playing a policeman in Let Me In, but he will be having a much harder time handing out any justice to vampire children. Where are the turtles when you need them?

Popularity: 11% [?]

It has already been brought up that the Street Sharks were very similar to the Ninja Turtles. Both shows featured four mutated brothers teaming up to fight crime. The question arises, which team was cooler. On one side you have man-sharks that can bite their way through a horde of criminals, while on the other side there are turtles who have learned the way of ninjutsu from a rat. Both seem pretty solidly stacked, so we will divide this competition into a series of categories. Whichever team that wins the most categories will be named the victor. Let’s get this party started.

Origins

Street Sharks: The Street Sharks came into being when an evil scientist experiments on 4 brothers with a genetic manipulator device. The scientist wanted to turn everyone into mindless mutants so he could take over and avoid crowds at movie theaters. This immediately gave the Street Sharks a villain and a purpose. They sent the rest of the series preventing the scientist from turning everyone into mutants while trying to revert to their human form as well

Ninja Turtles: These 4 brothers started out as turtles rather than humans, but gained some human like qualities after they were soaked in a chemical known as ooze. This made the turtles grow and learn English as they were raised by a rat similarly transformed by the ooze. The rat taught them the way of the ninja, and the turtles began their career of crime-fighting while at the same time trying to solve the mystery of the ooze.

Winner: Ninja Turtles. Their origins presents not only bad guys but a mystery to solve, making the show’s beginning just a bit more interesting.

Fighting Prowess

Street Sharks: The Street Sharks didn’t have any formal training when it came to brawls, but they were part Shark. Sharks just never seem to have a problem destroying things. The fact that the Street Sharks could bite through steel and headbutt enemies made them formidable opponents indeed.

Ninja Turtles: Look at that first part. Ninja. These turtles have been trained in the arts of stealth and combat. They can sneak up on enemies and they have different battle strategies. Each of the 4 brothers also specializes in a different weapon, giving the turtles flexibility when it comes to how to take a villain out.

Winner: Ninja Turtles. Sorry, but there is just no beating a ninja in this category. The Street Sharks can kick some ass, but they only have one ungraceful way to do it. The Ninja Turtles practice for that kind of thing.

Radical Factor

Street Sharks: It is widely known that Street Sharks was an attempt at creating a “cool” product for kids, and back then sayings like “radical” were cool. Thus the Street Sharks enjoyed junk food and had catch phrases like “jawsome”! To our eight year old selves, things like that were totally radical. Some other things the Street Sharks had going for them were cool gadgets like jet packs, the fact one of them was a drummer, and, oh yeah, they were freaking sharks. That’s pretty radical.

Ninja Turtles: They are ninjas. They like pizza and skateboarding. There are still Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movies being made. All of this adds up to the Ninja Turtles being pretty awesome. The catchphrase “cowabunga” also didn’t have a pun in it, which makes it better. If they had been Ninja Cows that catchphrase would have been terrible.

Winner: Ninja Turtles. The two teams of brothers stack up pretty closely on the radical scale. The deciding factor was one of the Street Sharks, Streex, was known for his rollerblading ways. That’s not very radical, dude.

Winner: Ninja Turtles

In the end, an imitation can never stand up to the original. With that said, Street Sharks was still an awesome show. They don’t hold a candle to the Ninja Turtles though.

Popularity: 15% [?]

Do you remember running into the living room on Saturday mornings when you were little, a bowl of cereal in one hand, a remote in the other? Those were the days. We would sit down and watch our favorite cartoons while acting out episodes with the toys from whatever cartoon was popular at the time. If anybody asked, you would say whatever cartoon you were watching at the time was the greatest one ever made. Then after a year or two you would completely forget about that show. This is a tribute to those forgotten cartoons.

Street Sharks

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles had their start in the 80′s and became wildly popular. Thus the Street Sharks were born. There were some subtle changes made, in Street Sharks four human brothers were turned into shark-like human mutants rather than four turtle brothers being change into human-like turtle mutants. Also, the Street Sharks totally did not like pizza or know ninja stuff. That was different enough for me as a kid and I immediately went out and got all the Street Sharks toys I could. The Street Sharks would beat the Ninja Turtle toys by virtue of the Ninja Turtles fitting perfectly into the mouths of the Street Sharks. Good planning on that front, Mattel. All in all, the two cartoons were very similar. The Street Sharks spent pretty much every episode stopping an evil scientist from turning everyone into mutants and yelling their catchphrase: “Jawsome!”. Those were the good old days.

Biker Mice from Mars

Biker Mice from Mars was a well thought out show about the danger of corporations spoiling the environment, much like Captain Planet. If you believed that sentence you must not have read the title of the show. Biker Mice from Mars actually did have a touch of environmentalism though, as the mice were trying to stop an evil race of fish people from stealing all of the Earth’s natural resources. Those same fish people had ruined Mars for the mice already, and they weren’t about to let that happen again. Of course I never really noticed that part of the show when I was little. I was far too busy watching aliens who also had robot parts ride awesome motorcycles that could shoot missiles. Now that I think back on it, those bikes couldn’t have been good for the environment. I still want one.

SWAT Kats: The Radical Squadron

Swat Kats took the whole “cool vehicles” theme and ran with it. By day, Chance “T-Bone” Furlong and Jake “Razor” Clawson guarded a dump. By night, they used various items found in the dump to build stealth fighter jets, motorcycles, hovercrafts, and pretty much any other awesome vehicle you could think of. They would then dress up and use these vehicles to stop crime all over  Megakat City. What made this show so enjoyable is also what got it canceled. Swat Kats was not afraid to show some cartoon violence as Jake and Chance showed the criminal element the error of their ways. In the end, programmers deemed the violence would make kids like me punch a neighbor in the face or something. Ironically enough that didn’t happen until after Swat Kats was canceled.

Gargoyles

Gargoyles was a hell of a show. It was about gargoyles who were cursed to remain and remained as statues until their castle was rebuilt on the top of a skyscraper. Moving a castle from Scotland to the top of a skyscraper in New York is obviously the best use of somebody’s money. When the gargoyles awoke they got into fights with Xanadu, the obviously evil guy who moved the castle in the first place, and tried to adjust to living in modern day New York. Strangely enough, the Scottish gargoyles didn’t have Scottish accents, which was odd considering where they came. Goliath did have Keith David providing his voice. That beats a Scottish accent any day.

Aaahh! Real Monsters

Aaahh! Real Monsters was an interesting show. It followed a group of young monsters living in the sewer and learning how to scare people in a sort of monster school. It was kind of an earlier Monsters, Inc. in that way. It was actually pretty dark for a Nickelodeon kid’s show. One of the monsters would actually pull out her guts to scare children. The headmaster of the monster school would even eat monsters when they failed to scare children, but he’d always spit them out before they got digested. Stern but fair. Aaahh! Real Monsters was on the air for around 3 seasons before Nickelodeon pulled the plug, but it was good while it lasted.

Popularity: 40% [?]

Chris Evans has been discussed a lot recently, mostly for his part as Jensen in the upcoming The Losers movie and his casting as Captain America in The First Avenger: Captain America. As you might have noticed, both of those movies are based off of comic books, which seem to be a recurring theme throughout Chris Evans’ career. Let’s take a look at some other comic book related roles Chris Evans has had over his career.

Johnny Storm/The Human Torch – Fantastic Four

Chris Evans broke into comic book movies with his role as Johnny Storm AKA The Human Torch in the Fantastic Four movies. Nobody will mistake the Fantastic Four franchise for good movies, but Evans was actually a perfect fit for Johnny Storm. He was a perfect mix of headstrong, playful, and loyal to pull the character off. Also, the ladies loved him. In his first comic book movie, Chris Evans was a bright spot in an otherwise mediocre film. He played Johnny Storm once again in the sequel, 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer, and while that movie was an improvement on the first, it still wasn’t good. Now that Chris Evans is going to be playing Captain America, don’t expect to see him around for any reboots of the Fantastic Four franchise.

Lucas Lee – Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World

Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World has not come out yet, but Chris Evans has jumped into this comic book movie as the character Lucas Lee, an evil skateboarder. This should be an interesting comic book role for Evans as we have not seen him play a villain yet, he’s always been one of the good guys. Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World is fairly lighthearted, so we should still be able to see Chris Evans’ playful side, especially considering the fact Lucas Lee is based off of skateboarder/actor Jason Lee. You might remember him from every Kevin Smith movie and My Name is Earl.

Nick Gant -Push

Push was not based off of a comic book, but it has super powered individuals and that is close enough for me. Push dealt with people who had powers like being able to see the future, yell loud enough to kill somebody, and move things with their minds. We actually got to see a more serious side of Evans in this movie as he played a more reluctant hero who didn’t have much of a sense of humor. Ladies still loved him. Push was enjoyable, not great, but it had plenty of scenes with Chris Evans either kicking ass or getting his ass kicked. It also featured Dakota Fanning being a creepy little girl.

Casey – TMNT

For those of you who don’t know, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles didn’t start out as a Saturday morning cartoon, but rather as a comic book created by Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird. The comic book is quite a bit darker than the cartoons and movies, and as expected TMNT did not get very dark. One of the darker characters in that movie, however, was  Casey. If you don’t remember he was the guy with the hockey stick and old school hockey mask who helped the turtles beat up other ninjas. If that didn’t clear things up for you, he was the turtles’ human friend who didn’t have breasts. Alright, now that we are all on the same page we can all agree that he did a good job in the movie as the angry guy who wasn’t Rafael. TMNT was definitely geared toward a younger audience, but Chris Evans and everyone else made it enjoyable for all audiences.

Captain America – The Avengers

All of Chris Evans’ comic roles have been leading up to this moment. After The First Avenger: Captain America, Chris Evans will be playing Captain America in the biggest comic book movie event ever. The Avengers will take all of the characters from the various Marvel movies we have seen and put them together as a team of superheroes. Chris Evans has arguably the most important role as Captain America, the leader of the team. We will have to wait and see if his experience in various roles in many comic book movies has prepared him for this moment.

Popularity: 14% [?]

Admit it, we’ve all been there. Younger versions of ourselves would be intrigued be the female characters on our Saturday morning cartoons. We didn’t completely understand it, but we would have conversations with our friends about how if the Baroness from G.I. Joe was real we would totally…well, we didn’t know yet. We would do whatever it is prepubescent boys do with girls, which is probably throw mud at them and run away giggling so they know how much we liked them. Yes, these 7 cartoon ladies led us towards manhood when our parents felt too awkward to tell us what we should actually expect from women.

1. Teela – He-Man and the Masters of the Universe

Teela was the headstrong redhead from He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, and her outfit was as minimal as He-Man’s. We just didn’t feel as awkward when we noticed that she was showing a lot of skin. She gave us the impression that girls could actually be fun, and since I am talking about our childhood selves I mean because of her adventuring ways, not her outfit. She was always the one leading the charge against Skeletor and his goons, and that’s the kind of fearlessness boys admire. Of course she would always get into trouble and need He-Man and his exposed nipples to save her, allowing the boys to feel superior. Also, she never could figure out that He-Man was Prince Adam wearing underwear and suspenders. We were way smarter than her.

2. April – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

April O’Neill was a news reporter by day, friend of four mutated crime stopping turtles by night. What was it that drew our younger selves towards her? I believe it was her shared taste for pizza and the fact that she had absolutely no problem hanging out with four man-sized talking turtles. If she could get through that to sit down to dinner with them then there was no way she would care about our oversized ears everybody else made fun of. She also hung out in the sewer with them, which would make our rooms seem immaculate by comparison. Tell me why I should pick up my socks now, mom! Plus we all thought we were totally radical, just like the teenage mutant ninja turtles.

3. Wonder Woman – Super Friends

Wonder Woman wore a pretty revealing outfit, always had on stripper boots and owned an invisible jet. I suppose our younger selves liked the first two things, but even then we knew that the idea of the invisible jet was pretty stupid. The motivation for our crush on Wonder Woman goes beyond all of this and can be summed up in one sentence: Wonder Woman hung out with Batman. If we could get close to Wonder Woman, she would introduce us to Batman, he’d think we were awesome and invite us to join the Super Friends and drive Wonder Woman around in his Batmobile occasionally. Of course he’d have to kick out the Wonder Twins, but that’s not much of a downside.

4. Daphne – Scooby Doo

Apparently our younger selves had something for the redheads. Daphne was essentially the cartoon version of the popular girl we always had a crush on. She was the good looking one who was not too bright and always enjoyed wearing  short dresses. We all knew the only reason she was with the gang solving mysteries was because of that douche nozzle Fred. Perhaps that is what led many young men of our generation to trade in ascots for blowouts, seeking their own Daphnes. While we knew she was out of our league, we still harbored that crush. What 10 year old wouldn’t want to hang out with  girl who had a talking dog?

5. Velma – Scooby-Doo

While Daphne was put upon the pedestal, Velma became our view of the realistically attainable girl. She had all the noticeable lady parts that Daphne had, she just did not flaunt them. She had glasses, she was smart, and she was often overlooked. We still noticed her though. We knew we were smarter than Fred, and thus we would have to be paired up with the smarter girl. Through process of elimination, that left Velma. While our crushes on her weren’t as much as for Daphne, Velma still had a talking dog. Scooby-Doo was a win/win situation for us. We also knew Shaggy was no competition whatsoever.

6. Cheetara – Thundercats

Whenever we hear “Thundercats HOOOO!” we all think of Cheetara. There was kind of a Smurfette situation going on with Cheetara, as she was the only female member of the Thundercats. Well at least the only one we noticed. I could get into stuff about how she fought with a staff that extends in her hands, but I doubt any of us really noticed that joke until we stopped telling people we were still watching Thundercats. Cheetara just grabbed our attention by being the only girl on the team, and one who really just looked like a chick who was into hair metal rather than a cat hybrid.

Popularity: 33% [?]

G.I. Joe

Back In My Day: G.I. Joe cartoons were essentially one giant commercial for mobile command fortresses that turned into boats that turned into wallets and other ridiculous things. They were effective commercials too, eschewing all traces of a plot and piling in as many action scenes involving the toy of the week as possible.

The Present Situation: Well, the whole plot thing hasn’t improved much with time. The cast was made smaller for the movie to cut down on racist portrayals of minorities and then the Joes were turned into Iron Man. On the plus side, after years of training Cobra henchmen are now able to hit the broad side of a barn when they shoot. I don’t know what other redeeming qualities there are now that I’m too old to go to the toy store to pick up a Wallace “Ripcord” Weems in Delta-6 Accelerator Suit action figure.

X-Men

Back In My Day: X-Men was a series that started out very strong. Mutants beating each other up was the epitome of entertainment. Then all sorts of dystopian futures and alternate timelines were introduced and my interest in the series started to wane. Those early episodes were awesome though.

The Present Situation: Much like the cartoon, the X-Men movies started off strong. The quality of the movies have gone downhill since then, with the spin-off Wolverine movie being quite disappointing. We can only hope that the X-Men: First Class prequel being planned will rekindle our nostalgia for mutants everywhere.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Back In My Day: The heroes in a half shell introduced me to my love of pizza. They also introduced me to my brief love of homemade nunchaku before I smacked myself in the shins. It was my dream to be a ninja amphibian who hung out with news reporters in sewers eating pizza. They were truly one of the most lighthearted groups of radical adventurers to ever grace the screen.

The Present Situation: TMNT brought the turtles back together but decided the lighthearted nature of the cartoon was too childish. Instead there was the tale of a family drifted apart and Raphael being a jerk. Luckily the movie preserved my childhood memories by keeping pizza references and having the turtles stay radical. Cowabunga!

Transformers

Back In My Day: As a kid with a short attention span I couldn’t get enough of my Transformers cartoons. I loved to see block shaped cars turn into block shaped robots with block shaped guns.  Whether it was watching Starscream ineptly try and overthrow Megatron for power every other episode or seeing Optimus Prime beating up other robots I always entertained. Then they introduced the Dinobots and Grimlock. It doesn’t get any better.

The Present Situation: The Transformers have really gotten streamlined since Michael Bay took over the franchise, but not much else has changed. The robots are looking a lot less boxy, the names of the human characters are slightly less ridiculous and there are more explosions then I remember, but those are the only real differences. Starscream is still a little weasel, Optimus Prime is still the man, and the jokes are still juvenile. I hope Grimlock gets introduced in future installments, but for now I’ll settle for Megan Fox.

Batman

Back In My Day: Batman was a grim avenger of the night, swooping from the shadows to stop evildoers. The Batman cartoon was quite possibly the highlight of my childhood, and that was before I found out Luke Skywalker was the voice of Joker.

The Present Situation: Batman has grown up with me. Like a fine wine he has gotten better with age. Excellent performances by Christian Bale and Heath Ledger have made sure this is one childhood memory that won’t get tarnished.

Popularity: 13% [?]