What mom would say: “You gonna catch something from that slut.”

Why you should listen: And that something — most likely a dagger — is going to end life as you know it.  You think she’s innocent and you think you can handle it, but in that instant she’s got you.  And you’re going to suffer.  Though it’s not personal, it’s just business.

Why you won’t listen: If you’ve got to go, go with a smile.  And we all think we’re invincible right?  Yup, all the way to the grave.

What mom would say: “You better wear your thermals sleeping next to that frigid feminist.”

Why you should listen: This woman has one goal and that’s to destroy man without the slightest hesitation.  Somewhere along the line she was programed to believe that we are the enemy and nothing you can do will change that.  And it’s just no fun getting all warm and cozy with an robotic icebox.

Why you won’t listen: She hates you, and that’s sexy.  The only time the T-X shows an ounce of emotion is when she’s trying to kill you and that makes you think she’s into you.  Any woman you can make “passionate” one way, you can make her go the other way too right?  Wrong.  She just hates you dude.

What mom would say: “That diva just keeps singing her own song, when do you get a turn?”

Why you should listen: The difference between her and Plaster of Paris is that Paris will at least pretend you matter.  The temptress must be the center of attention at all times.  And she wasn’t just eating you, she’s eating everyone.  Why?  For the attention of course.  The more the merrier with her and emasculating for you.

Why you won’t listen: Conquest is it’s own prize.  There is nothing like taming a shrew is there?  The problem is you can’t change a blood sucking demon back into a human.  So if you clip her fangs, you’re only going to piss her off.

What mom would say: “Does Miss Clingy ever let you breath?”

Why you should listen: She may pamper you and whisper sweet nothings in your ear, but it’s all to soften you up for the gut check reality that she’s going to have your baby whether you want to or not.  There is no breaking up with this girl.  She will have your head.

Why you won’t listen: She makes you feel important.  Make you feel desired and wanted, and that’s great right?  Sure it is, until you feel trapped.

What mom would say: “She hates her ex too much to love you.”

Why you should listen: It’s the circle of love.  Some guy manipulated her so he could stab her in the heart and now she’s coming to rips yours out too because she believes “it’s just part of the game.”  It’s not.  She’s just never going to shake the demons that her previous lover put inside her.  The innocent girl you could have been happy with is dead.  Yet…

Why you won’t listen: You think you can fix her.  You believe you can exercise those demons and save her.  Show her how to be strong and love hard.  But even if you do, you’re soul isn’t going to come back completely clean either.

Beaze and all his crazy antics, featured articles and random thoughts are now on twitter @Beazewriter