Humor District

The Dark Knight was a ridiculously successful movie, both financially and critically. Christopher Nolan’s work on the Batman franchise has created a huge fan following and a great demand for another installment in the Batman saga.  Christopher Nolan has been confirmed as the director of the as of yet untitled Batman 3 movie, but so far that is about the only fact that has surfaced about the movie. On the other hand, there has been no shortage of rumors about the next movie. It seems that everybody with access to a message board has some inside connection to the movie and is revealing some big twist. The problem is these revealed twists are stupid as hell, and nobody in their right mind would believe them. These are the most ridiculous Batman 3 rumors that can be found on the web.*

Christian Bale Out?

Christian Bale has cemented himself in the minds of fans as the ideal actor for Batman. He has put on great performances as the caped crusader in Christopher Nolan’s first two Batman films, and there is no reason that he wouldn’t do the same. Nonetheless, a rumor appeared stating that Sam Worthington would be replacing Christian Bale as the dark knight. The two co-starred in Terminator Salvation, but that seems to be about the only connection. Sam Worthington is a capable action movie star, but there is no way that Christian Bale would be replaced as Batman by anyone, not at this point in the franchise.

Two-Face Lives

Before you read on, know that this paragraph contains a spoiler alert about the ending of The Dark Knight. If you aven’t seen The Dark Knight, take this time to go watch it. Preferably on Blu-Ray. Now that you have done that, you know that Harvey Dent/Two-Face died at the end of The Dark Knight. Or did he? Many rumor mongers have said Two-Face will return since no casket was seen at his public funeral. With that said, Aaron Eckhart and Christopher Nolan have both publicly stated in numerous interviews that Two-Face is dead. Even the script for The Dark Knight confirms this: “Dent lies at the bottom of the hole, his neck broken…DEAD.”

Here Comes Robin

Shia LaBeouf has emerged as a big name in Hollywood, mostly for his work on Michael Bay’s Transformers series. He is also well known for being a terrible addition to the Indiana Jones franchise. Now rumors have appeared that he will be assuming another sidekick role as Robin. The problem with this is Christopher Nolan and Christian Bale have both voiced their disdain for Robin as a character. Bale went so far as to say he would not be involved with a Batman movie that also had a Robin. The whole feel of Christopher Nolan’s Batman is far too dark for a kid sidekick to be involved.

Villains, Villains, Villains

There have been many rumors about which villains will appear in the next Batman movie. Some of the more ridiculous rumors have Cher playing Catwoman, Eddie Murphy playing the Riddler, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman playing the Penguin. Others have Megan Fox as Catwoman and Johnny Depp or Dane Cook as the Riddler. Not only are some/most of these rumored casting choices terrible, the script hasn’t even been finished yet. At this point it is still a mystery which villains will be in the movie, much less which actors will be playing those villains.

Batman 3-D

One rumor that as been picking up steam is that the next Batman movie will be filmed entirely in 3-D. This actually does make some sense, as 3-D movies are a bit of a craze in Hollywood at the moment. Another benefit of 3-D movies is that tickets sell for more. Still, the whole 3-D craze is fairly gimmicky, and Christopher Nolan has never been one to rely on gimmicks. It is more likely that Christopher Nolan would film the entire movie in IMAX, like certain scenes in The Dark Knight. Even that is highly doubtful though.

*This list is subject to change as stupid rumors are proven to be true.

Popularity: 11% [?]

It seems that once somebody becomes a movie star we start watching everything they do, even if it doesn’t relate to movies. We become interested in what cars they are driving, what clothes they are wearing, and what nation they are adopting children from. Essentially we take away all of their privacy. Having every move analyzed can be stressful for celebrities, luckily watching them all the time means we get to see them blow up. When I say blow up, I mean 4th of July style fireworks, just replace the explosions with craziness. Sometimes this outrageous behavior is just as entertaining as their movies. We have many examples of celebrities hitting the self-destruct button, let’s take the time to look back on some of the most memorable.

Mel Gibson Hates Everyone

A while back Mel Gibson got arrested for drunk driving. This, unfortunately, wouldn’t be huge news if it wasn’t for his behavior during his arrests. He released a barrage of anti-semitic comments, blaming Jewish people for literally all the wars in the world. I’m not sure if any of the arresting officers were Jewish, but Mel Gibson did his best to piss them off specifically by referring to the female officer as sugar breasts. He just said it in a less polite way. We thought that was as bad as things would get for crazy old Mel, but he recently outdid himself. His former girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva recently recorded some of Mel Gibson’s rants against her. He said that she dressed in a way that might lead to forcible sex with black men, and threatened to burn down her house, but only after she gives him mouth love. Again, Mel Gibson used some more offensive terms than a gentleman like myself would use. At least he didn’t blame Jewish people for his craziness.

Do Not Distract Christian Bale

The filming of Terminator Salvation revealed that the actor best known for playing Batman has an explosive temper. Christian Bale is well known for immersing himself in a role, often times taking it to extremes. With the amount of preparation he puts into his acting, it is no surprise that he doesn’t like interruptions. What was a surprise was how much he dislikes interruptions. When a member of the lighting crew walked through and ruined a scene, he felt the full force of Christian Bale’s fury. There were many expletives shouted, threats to break some lights, and Bale sounding like an asshole. It definitely seemed like a bit of an overreaction considering he would most likely have to shoot that scene 30 times even if he wasn’t interrupted.

Alec Baldwin Compares Child to Livestock

Sometimes you love somebody so much it hurts. At least that is a saying I’ve heard of. Apparently Alec Baldwin believes in the less often heard saying “love somebody so much you insult them repeatedly in a phone message”. When his 11 year old daughter didn’t answer his phone call, Alec Baldwin decided the appropriate response would be to leave a message calling her a disgusting little pig, threatening to hit her with a brick, and asking her to tell her mother to fornicate with herself. Not a very classy move from the star of 30 Rock and many movies. The best part was he seemed unsure of his own daughter’s age, switching between 12 and 11. Maybe that’s why she didn’t answer the phone.

Russell Crowe Breaks Phones

Being in a movie like Gladiator can really get that testosterone flowing. Considering the phenomenal job that Russell Crowe did in Gladiator, it is not that surprising that he had some trouble distinguishing which actions from that movie were actually appropriate in real life. While staying in a hotel, Russell Crowe was unable to place a phone call. Feeling like he was being held back by whiny little emperor, Russel Crowe led a one man revolt against the hotel tyrant. His weapon of choice was the phone. He mistook the hotel concierge for the previously mentioned, and fictional, hotel tyrant. This resulted in a violent meeting between the airborne phone and the concierge’s face, and Russell Crowe being escorted away by the boys in blue.

David O. Russell and Actors Do Not Get Along

David O. Russell is a director who is no stranger to outbursts. He actually came to blows with George Clooney during the filming of Three Kings, after Clooney commented on Russell’s verbal abuse of the staff. Russell proceeded to call Clooney an ass and a word meaning lady’s reproductive organs, and tried to choke him. You’d think that he would only have one outburst of crazy like that in a lifetime, but that was not the case. During the filming of I heart Huckabees, Russell went after actress Lily Tomlin. Luckily he did not try to strangle her, but he did call her an even worse word for lady parts than he used on Clooney. He then proceeded to break parts of the set and lock himself in his office. That’s how adults solve their problems, kids.

Popularity: 4% [?]

Nothing short of Awesome!

I just wish I even had the slight bit ounce of talent that these crazy mashup/remix geeks have. Oh and do yourself another favour and the view the Trailer to End All Trailers Mashup as well.

In no particular order:

Not Easily Broken, Paul Blart: Mall Cop, Push, Fired Up, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li, Watchmen, Phoebe in Wonderland, I Love You, Man, 12 Rounds, Adventureland
Fast & Furious, Hannah Montana: The Movie, State Of Play, Fighting, The Soloist, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Star Trek, Angels & Demons, Terminator Salvation, Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian, Easy Virtue, Up, Land Of The Lost, My Life in Ruins, Away We Go, The Taking of Pelham 123, The Proposal, Year One, Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen, The Hurt Locker, Public Enemies, I Love You, Beth Cooper, Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince, (500) Days Of Summer, The Ugly Truth, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, Julie & Julia, Paper Heart, The Time Traveler’s Wife, Inglourious Basterds, Taking Woodstock, 9, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, The Imformant!, Jennifer’s Body, Love Happens, Fame, Whip It, Zombieland, Law Abiding Citizen, Where the Wild Things Are, Amelia, The Men Who Stare at Goats, Fantastic Mr. Fox, Sunshine Cleaning, The Young Victoria, The Twilight Saga: New Moon, Old Dogs, The Princess and The Frog, Everybody’s Fine, Avatar, Nine, Sherlock Holmes, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, A Serious Man. e!

Popularity: 3% [?]