Humor District

It was pretty big news when Avatar lost Best Picture at the Academy Awards to The Hurt Locker. A lot of people just assumed James Cameron was going to have a statue of a naked gold man to proudly display on his mantle, but it was not to be. James Cameron has decided to move on from this gracefully and get back to what he does best, making obscene amounts of money.

You might remember a movie by James Cameron called Titanic. It had Leonardo DiCaprio painting boobs and then *spoiler alert* the ship sank. It was also the highest grossing film of all time until James Cameron came out with Avatar. So yes, the man knows how to rake in the money. Now he is in talks to re-release both Titanic and Avatar. We could be seeing a 3-D version of Titanic in 2012, but the surprise is we could be seeing Avatar again even sooner. James Cameron is looking to put Avatar back in theaters this summer. He has the excuse of 2012 being the hundredth year anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic, but he straight up admits he wants to put Avatar back in theaters simply to make more money. He may not have gotten gold, but he will make up for it with plenty of green.

Exciting stuff, it’s Fokken Awesome to see District 9 crack the nod for Best Picture and 3 other nominations not to be scoffed at. Oh yes and Abadah got a bunch.

A little surprised to see Up and Up in the Air, both up for Best Picture. But it will be amazing if someone with the balls, Mickey Rourke say, gives out the award as such “And the Oscar goes to UP…”, team Up high-five each other and start running down the aisle and when all of a sudden, in the most badass drunk tone Rourke finishes their geeky dreams with “…in the Air!!!”. School Bully comes full circle ya bunch of nerds.

View all the nominations below:

[Via oscar.go.com]
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Biggest Culprits: Twilight, Underworld, Van Helsing, Zombieland, I Am Legend, Blood: the Last Vampire, 28 Days Later

What it should be replaced with: Angels and Messiahs.  Hasn’t the dark side gotten enough attention?  People get really excited when bad guys do the slightest bit of good, but what about the good guys with the burden to do great?  Let’s raise our standards a little.

Biggest Culprits: Lions for Lambs, Stop Loss, Body of Lies, The Hurt Locker, The Kingdom, In the Valley of Elah

What it should be replaced with: Fantasy wars.  Once upon a time filmmakers were subtle about their political agendas.  They made movies with fictitious apes to comment on civil rights and audiences were none the wiser, or at least pretended to be.  Give me apes, aliens or even Cobra Commander, but please stop using real wars with real people as the playground for your social commentary.

Biggest Culprits: Star Trek, Batman, Hulk, Land of the Lost, Pink Panther, Friday the 13th

What it should be replaced with: Next generation.  It’s obvious that people like familiar stories and Hollywood likes to take the easy way out, but stop cheating!  You can use familiar franchises with fresh characters.  Danny Glover and Mel Gibson have to actually be too old for this s— right?  So instead of casting Dwayne Johnson and Sean William Scott as Riggs and Murtaugh in a Lethal Weapon reboot, cast the next hot-young-thing as new detectives and cameo our favorite odd couple as police chiefs.  Murtaughs kids have to be cop age right?

Biggest Culprits: The Cove, Battle for Terra, The Happening, Wall-E, The Road, 9, The Day After Tomorrow

What it should be replaced with: Health-care preaching.  Repo Men is a good start.  I am not worried about the earth dying, but I am worried about dying in the emergency room or not even making it to the hospital because I can’t afford the ride.

Biggest Culprits: Saw, Hostel, Wolf Creek, Turistas, Captivity, Funny Games

What it should be replaced with: Massacres.  We’ve seen how a deranged serial killer thinks and explored the one-on-one relationship between victim and murderer, but anybody can kill one person at a time.  What about those who kill and keep it moving, racking up dozens of victims in a matter of minutes?  What about those who don’t get intimate with their prey?  How do they tick?  If you were trapped inside a mall with a stealthy mass murderer would you hide, run or fight back?  Would you help others or look out for yourself?  I want to see those movies.

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